


Putting an Edd Back Together

by Titsonagoose



Category: Ed Edd n Eddy
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Child Neglect, Eventual BDSM, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:27:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 68,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28056132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Titsonagoose/pseuds/Titsonagoose
Summary: After a suicide attempt goes awry Kevin is there for Edd.
Relationships: Edd "Double D"/Kevin
Comments: 9
Kudos: 59





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story contains a detailed suicide attempt, talk of negligent abuse, and self-harm. It is not at all how one should deal with their own thoughts of suicide. If you are feeling suicidal I beg of you to call or text your country's national suicide prevention hotline and talk with a professional- things are hard now but "It gets better" isn't an empty phrase. I have some resources posted at the end of the chapter.

Edd stared down off the side of the bannister. He’d never taken the time to really look down at the view of his house from up here. Day in and day out he walked this hallway and never really looked down. It was an interesting final view.

He stood wobbling on the outside of the railing with a rope wrapped around his neck. It was knotted firmly around the hanging light above the entryway causing it to be held at an awkward angle from being tugged sideways. It shined at him like an obnoxious spotlight making his view of the living room from above far less enjoyable. He guessed in a way it was appropriate, his final bow as it were.

He’d gone over this in his head over and over again. After months of deliberation this was what he decided was the best way to take his life. He’d weighed his options carefully, and living just didn’t win out. 

No firearms were in his house, not that he would use one, what a _mess_ , and he’d rather not have to make anyone clean up something as unsanitary as his blood. Overdosing was the next one down on his list of acceptiable suicide methods. He’d even taken a handful of low dose sleeping pills to calm his nerves for this, but in large quantities they had a high chance of causing painful cramping. So not ideal for the peaceful passing he’d hoped for. 

Cutting had been out of the question, while he’d tried it before, it was, again, far too messy. Not to mention in order to ensure his wounds wouldn’t close before he could bleed out he’d have to soak the cuts in warm water and he didn’t want to be found bloated in the tub. After all he wasn’t exactly popular, who knew how long it would take to be found. At least in front of the door no one would need to go looking for his body.

Hanging just seemed the most dignified. His goal wasn’t to choke to death, but to snap his neck on the drop. His body wouldn’t feel any pain, or so he’d read, and he'd read a lot. Medical journals, historical documents, blog posts from suicide survivors, recovered and still suicidal alike. His biggest fear was snapping his neck and living, but he was willing to take that chance if only for the hope of escape. Statistics marked firearms as the most likely to succeed but hanging was second. A far second at nearly half the numbers but second nonetheless.

He scrounged up the little bit of courage he had. 

Was it courage? 

No. It was cowardice. He wasn’t brave enough to face another day like this. Day after day spent exactly the same way, filled with monotonous loneliness. He was tired. 

If this was what it would feel like, would _be_ like, for the rest of his life he just couldn’t continue to drag himself through the endless slog. If he’d live a useless lonely life no matter, what was cutting it off a few years early?

He closed his eyes and stepped off the railing.

* * *

Kevin had been riding around the cul-de-sac testing his new brakes. 

They were too touchy and needed some adjusting. He got off and scratched his head. He couldn't figure out how to fix the issue and it had been plaguing him for hours. He had stopped in front of Double Dweebs house and opened his toolbox to pull out his socket wrench. Just as he was about to start removing the breaks he heard a loud crash come from inside the home behind him.

He was used to noises occasionally coming from over there. The nerd liked to build things and do explosive science experiments so it wasn’t that unusual for stuff to blow up in his face. Nothing like that had happened in a long time though, and something seemed... off. It didn't sound like his usual explosion. No smoke was coming from the garage and no fire alarms waking up the neighborhood. Kevin got a chill down his spine but he didn’t know why. 

There was no light coming from any of the windows, but he was sure he’d just seen the light on a moment before. Did he short them out or something? 

He looked at his bike and back to the house. 

_Sheesh,_ he thought, tossing his wrench back into the box with a loud clang and headed towards the nerd’s darkened home. 

_He_ _better be thankful I care enough to check on him._ Kevin thought with annoyance.

He knocked. No reply. Usually Edd would at least yell out that he was coming. He knocked again, louder this time. 

Still nothing.

He grabbed the handle and it turned easily. The fact it was unlocked was _definitely_ odd. Edd wasn’t the type to forget something like that. He was meticulous and near obsessive. The idea he could have _accidentally_ forgotten to lock his front door didn’t seem possible.

“Hey, I’m coming in.” He shouted into the darkness. Silence was the only response. The door didn’t creak ominously but the deafening silence created the same terrifying atmosphere.

The nerd’s house was _creepy_. All straight lines and super modern minimalism. There was nothing on the white walls and the smell of bleach permeated the air. This place looked like it could be in a magazine. Or a horror movie. 

He took a step in and something crunched under his foot. As he took in the house around him with squinted eyes, they eventually adjusted. While the rest of the house seemed supernaturally clean the entryway was littered with glass. He saw a mass huddled on the floor, unmoving. Shock ran through his system and he recognized the neighborhood geek lying motionless, crumpled on the tile.

“Double D!” He exclaimed and rushed to his schoolmate. There was a small pool of red forming under his head and Kevin panicked. He rolled him over to the sight of blood trickling down his forehead, his face slack.

“Hey talk to me dork!”

He felt for a pulse on his thin wrist. It was there.

“Thank _fuck_.” Kevin exclaimed.

Edd’s eyes opened slowly. Taking stock he was sorely disappointed. _Still alive._

There was pressure on his throat and he coughed, his airway restricted painfully by the stiff rope. At least he still had faculty of his limbs.

“I guess I didn’t factor in the added weight from the velocity of my fall.” His voice was small and rough. His scratchy whisper was hard to make out.

“What?” Kevin asked, frantic.

He watched as Double D pulled a rope he hadn’t noticed from around his neck, too preoccupied by the blood covering his face. He extracted himself from Kevin’s grip, who was too shocked to know where to go from here, and wobbly stood. He took a few uneasy steps to the coffee table where there was paper. He didn’t seem to acknowledge Kevin at all as he dropped to his knees and pulled the top sheet off of the pad. He let it fall to the floor next to him as he started to draw up some sort of calculation.

“Hey? Hello? What the fuck happened here?” He didn’t just come in on a scene right out of a fucking horror movie just to be ignored.

Double D looked at him- no, through him and Kevin shuttered at the face he wore. His eyes seemed… empty. 

”I just made an error.” His voice still sounded strained, “You may go home. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.” He then went right back to his equation.

He wanted to shout that he could at least explain what he was trying to do that caused this mess! 

“You’re bleeding.” Kevin said instead.

Edd stopped and touched his forehead, his fingers came away sticky with blood. 

“Oh.” He blinked at it. After a moment of appraisal he wiped it on his shirt and went back to writing.

“Hey, if you’re not-“ Kevin stepped forward and onto the paper Edd had just discarded.

_I’m sorry to whoever finds my body_

Kevin’s eyes went wide and his mouth gaped.

He picked it up. “What the fuck is this?” Kevin demanded, putting the paper in Edd’s face.

Edd’s unfocused eyes barely looked at it.

“Likely a note. Why are you still in my house?”

Shock had clouded his mind but finally he was putting all the pieces together. His eyes followed the rope Edd had removed and the other end was knotted around the busted light that looked like it was ripped from the ceiling. Obviously where all the glass had come from. He looked back at the note.

 _I can no longer live like this._

Kevin felt like he was going to throw up.

He gripped Edd’s shoulder and wrenched him around to face him. “What the _fuck_!”

Edd’s face was pale and his eyes, hollow as they seemed, were unevenly dilated. Kevin could tell the symptoms of a concussion from a mile away. Plenty of his teammates had had them before.

“You need to lay down.” Kevin said. “I’m going to call an ambulance.” 

“No!” Edd said hysterically, finally looking at Kevin properly. “I don’t need to go to the hospital.”

“You’re bleeding, you have a concussion and you just tried to kill yourself!” He was shouting now. “I’d say you need to go to the hospital pretty fucking bad!”

Kevin was shaking, he couldn’t help that he was yelling. The adrenaline hit his system hard. Before he was freaked out, now he was _angry_. Thinking he found his neighbor hurt was one thing- knowing he could have been dead was a different situation entirely.

“If they find out about this I’ll have to go to suicide watch! I’ll miss weeks of classes!”

“Well maybe that’s what you need! And _classes?_ You would have missed all of them! Fuck!” Kevin kicked the coffee table in anger. He took a deep calming breath before he stomped away and rounded the corner into the hallway. Edd blinked and tried to stand to follow and beg him to be _reasonable_ but his legs gave out from under him and the room spun. 

_Ah_. _Kevin was right about the concussion._

Thoughts swirled in his head but nothing would stick. He continued to do math, the only thing he could focus on. 

The height wouldn’t have him reach terminal velocity by any means. The drop was only 10 feet, but if you were to factor in his weight plus the speed… There was no way the light wouldn’t have held if he’d given it any thought. 

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._ His brain mocked.

Kevin came back a moment later with Edd’s first aid kit from the restroom, looking no less upset.

“Sit up.” He commanded.

Edd did as he was told unsteadily. Kevin took a wet cloth and ran it over Edd’s bloody face. When he pulled it away and folded it over to press back against the wound it was completely saturated. There was a lot more blood than Edd had expected. The room was also brighter. Kevin must have turned the other lights on at some point. His eyes scanned the floor. There was a trail of his blood. 

He itched to get the bleach but the usual drumming at the back of his skull telling him to clean was dulled to a light ignorable roar.

Kevin held the cloth firmly to the cut across Double D’s forehead. When it finally stopped gushing he spoke.

“Why the fuck would you try to do this?” Kevin asked with frustration, while the fight hadn’t left him, he was much calmer but it still came out shaky. 

“Why do you care?” He replied. There was no anger or vehemence, his voice flat, a genuine question.

“I’m still trying to decide if I’m going to call for help or not. You tell me what’s going on and maybe, _maybe_ , I won’t.”

“But _why_ do you care?” Edd repeated. His blue eyes looked into Kevin’s hazel ones searchingly, his face a mask of indifference but beneath the surface Kevin recognized confusion.

“We’re neighbors. Childhood friends. Why wouldn’t I?” He asked softly. Anyone would care if they came in on this.

Now that it wasn’t bleeding as much he got a good look at the cut he could tell it wasn’t very deep. At least he wouldn’t need stitches, head wounds just had a tendency to bleed a lot. Despite what would likely be dizzying blood loss it could have been much worse.

“I’m not your friend.” Edd responded. “We were never friends.”

Kevin winced. He could admit he’d been pretty mean to him growing up, even if Eddy had been the one he’d had problems with. He’d calmed down as they grew up but he would be mean to Double D for no reason other than he was friends with someone he didn’t like. Though he’d stopped in high school he mostly just tried to just ignore the Eds now. 

“What about Ed and Eddy? Wouldn’t they miss you?” Kevin used medical tape and cotton pads on the cut, hoping it was the right thing to do. None of the bandages were large enough to cover the long gash above his eyebrow.

“Ed was sent off to military school last year like his mother had been threatening. Eddy hates me.” He said it so casually he might as well have been talking about the weather.

“What? Why would Eddy hate you?” He’d never heard that the Eds were fighting and he didn’t even notice that Ed was gone. Sarah never mentioned it as far as he could remember, not that he talked to her much. He really hadn’t been paying attention, had he? 

Maybe he was a shit friend, because despite their lack of contact he did consider Edd his friend in some weird convoluted way. They were raised across the street from one another. How could he not?

“Because I’m gay.” He said it without feeling, much like the rest of the conversation but it seemed wrong, like he expected that to be the last straw before Kevin walked out to let him finish what he’d started. Almost smug in his assurance it would drive the jock away. 

“That’s… I didn’t know he was that big of a jerk. Im sorry.” Kevin paused. “So is that why you… did this?”

“Mostly.” He closed his eyes and took in a shaky breath. He knew not everyone in Peach Creek felt the same way as Eddy but it was still a relief not to have been insulted. It was not, however, a relief that Kevin was still here, talking to him and keeping him from figuring out where to hang the rope from next.

“What else?”

“Why does it matter to you? Why are you still here?” He’d told him his secret! Why didn’t he just leave him alone like everyone else?

“Maybe we’re not friends. But I’m also not heartless. You’re going through some shit and I’m not gonna just let you kill yourself. You said mostly. So what else?”

“I… my parents.” He said with mild shock, “They don’t… I haven’t seen them in almost a year.” He nearly whispered. He hadn’t even told the councilor that when he’d been caught cutting up his arms in the school bathroom. Why had he told him that?

Kevin saw his eyes finally start to get shiny with tears. He pulled him to his chest and hugged the boy tight. He’d felt terrible for him. No friends, no family, no one to turn to. He wouldn’t be the next one to abandon him, he decided.

Double D tried to blink back his tears. He’d not been so much as touched by another person since Ed left for military school. Ed… the only person who ever loved him unconditionally as a friend. The stinging behind his eyes proceeded into full crying and then a total meltdown.

“I don’t want to be alive.” He sobbed into Kevin’s shoulder, sinking into his arms. “I don’t want to live like this anymore.” His breakdown was loud and he shook with his heaving sobs. He hoarsely repeated how much he wanted to die over and over. 

Kevin just held him tighter. His own eyes watered and his throat felt dry. The desperate wails of a person he’d grown up with begging to let him just kill himself was heartbreaking. He made soothing noises and rocked him in his arms trying not to cry alongside him. 

When his heaving had finally subsided Edd tried to pull away from the hold but Kevin held fast. 

“I’m sorry you’re going through this. I am. But this isn’t the answer.” He gulped back his own tears before finally releasing him.

Edd had the wearwithal looked abashed at least. “I… won’t promise anything but I won’t… tonight.” He wasn't sure if that was a lie or not and Kevin seemed to know that.

“That’s not good enough for me.” Kevin said, standing. He grabbed Edd’s arms and helped him to his feet. “You’re coming home with me tonight.” Kevin told him.

“What? That’s ridiculous. What will your parents even say? And if they find out why! What if they call the hospital or police or school?” He tried to wrench his arm from Kevin’s iron grip but he was weak from blood loss and only succeeded in making himself dizzy.

“Fine. Then I’ll stay here. But I’m staying all week.” He let go.

“That’s equally preposterous! And there’s no telling that your parents will say yes.”

“Once I turned 18 they stopped caring if I’m out so long as I text them. Lay down. I’m going to clean up the glass.” He left no room for argument.

Edd bit his lip. “I appreciate the sentiment and accept your hand of friendship but this is too much. I can’t. YOU can’t…”

“Shut it dork-o. I’m here to stay. And I’m staying in your room with you. Or I call an ambulance right now.” He took out his cellphone as if daring him to say anything else.

Edd looked to the side, nervous. He was trying hard to think of any other solutions that might get Kevin out of his domicile so he could figure out how to complete his mission but his sleeping pills were kicking in and the nausea from the concussion was getting worse, not to mention the blood loss and how heavy his eyes felt from his sobs. His brain felt unpleasantly foggy and he wavered. 

“Fine.” He said giving up, and sat heavily on the couch. He’d just have to entertain Kevin tonight and find a way to get rid of him tomorrow.

Before he could settle in Kevin had made a trip to the kitchen and came out with a broom and a glass of water. 

“Drink up. You’re already going to wake up with a nasty headache, no need to be dehydrated on top of it.” 

Edd realized how thirsty he truly was and nodded in thanks. He took small sips until he finished the glass. His sore throat soothed slightly.

Kevin swept up the entryway. He’d gotten all the glass up and tossed it in a trash bag, the broom smearing the blood across the floor. He looked at it and felt queasy. If he hadn’t come in would he have tried again? How? With the light he used as a tether gone what other extreme would the geek have gone to? 

He stared at the rope. He knew it wouldn’t help but he felt angry at it. Like it was somehow the culprit. He shoved it in the bag with the rest of the trash and went to get the mop. 

Edd’s head swam. _How dumb that I didn’t factor in something so simple_ he thought again before he started to doze off. When Kevin finished he looked at the blood on the carpet. That’d have to wait. 

He watched Edd breathe deep and slow and knew that he’d fallen asleep. He seemed just as deeply unhappy as he did when awake. He had tear tracks on his face and his closed eyes were puffy and red. Where the rope had been was a dark mark that was obviously going to bruise, already purpling at the edges.

He picked up the sleeping boy, he was far too light but that was a problem for tomorrow, and brought him up to his room. 

The bed was a little small but Kevin wasn’t about to sleep on the floor. He knew Edd must have some spare blankets stashed away somewhere but he didn’t feel like digging through every room in the house searching. He remembered his bike and tools outside and groaned. He might as well just bring the tools in, but if he was doing that he could just bring them home and change, he really didn't want to sleep in jeans and there was school tomorrow so he might as well grab his backpack too. He decided that would work fine after watching how deeply the other boy was sleeping.

When he’d come back with a change of clothes for tomorrow stuffed in his backpack Edd had curled into a ball on the far corner of the bed. His heart throbbed for him. How had he been hurting so much and no one noticed? 

Back when his sister had been diagnosed with cancer, he remembered how scared and sad and angry he'd been. Almost immediately his friends had noticed and helped him through it. But here Edd was. Teetering on the edge and no one noticed. He’d only found out by chance. 

He scooted onto the bed. The warmth from Edd being so close was distracting but welcomingly so. After all, if he was warm he was still alive.

“Night.” He whispered in the dark.


	2. Chapter 2

Edd woke up groggy and burning hot. He tried to move to get up but something was blocking him in. He squinted his eyes into the bright room. What time was it? He blinked once, twice, before finally getting his eyes to focus. Inches away from his face Kevin Barr was snoring lightly. He was trapped by the other man’s muscular arm and leg tossed over his body.

He had a hard time remembering last night. He’d been preparing to jump and then… He winced.

Trying to recall made his head swim. Right... the light came crashing down. He stared at the guy who’d decided he was a body pillow at some point during the night. Kevin had stayed to make sure he wouldn’t try again.

His head ached and he was too warm but the contact was soothing. He tried to wriggle out of his hold, ashamed at how needy he felt for enjoying this. Touch was usually something he avoided but the comforting weight of another body pressing him down was something he’d never known, and he liked it far more than he was willing to admit.

“Kevin.” He tried. Nothing. “Kevin.” A little louder.

“Mmm. 5 more minutes.” He said as he adjusted. His face buried itself into Edd’s neck and his arm came down to wrap around his waist to pull him closer. The way he’d scooped Edd up he’d been pulled from his back onto his side and his leg came to rest between Edd’s.

“Kevin!” He squeaked.

He groaned and opened his eyes. This wasn’t a pillow, it was much too bony. He noticed how curled together him and Edd were and he hummed. It wasn’t so bad and Edd smelled kind of like… Apples? No. Peaches? Not quite...

He took a deep breath in, nose pressed to Edd’s pulse point. Honey? Yeah, that seemed to be right.

Edd shuddered, the breath skating across his neck affecting his body in the most embarrassing of ways. “W-wake up!”

“Mmm… yeah yeah gimme a second.” He squeezed tighter and Edd’s breath caught, before he let go and stretched. 

Double D laid there flabbergasted. Had he been awake or asleep when he’d… smelled him? Usually Edd would feel the need to shower immediately after such close quarters with another person but he was just too shocked by Kevin’s… cuddling was the only thing he could think to call it.

“6am. Really? You’re gonna wake me up that early? No thanks.” Kevin flopped back down and he draped his arm back across him. 

“Um!” Edd said with a blush. “I don’t think this amount of affection is appropriate for our current level of friendship.”

“Psh, come off it.” Kevin said, far too close to Edd’s ear. “I cleaned up your blood. I think letting myself be comfortable on your tiny-ass bed should be fine.”

Double D cringed. “Well you can stay comfortable on my bed. I’m going to take a shower.” 

He tried to get up but Kevin's arm was still heavy.

“I won’t find you passed out in there will I?” Kevin asked seriously.

Edd’s eyes slid to Kevin’s face. He looked grave. He was terrified of letting him out of his sight while awake. He obviously didn’t trust him for a second.

“No. I assure you I only wish to take a shower. And maybe some aspirin for this headache.”

“I’ll grab you the aspirin.” Kevin said. “I wanna make sure you don’t try to take the whole bottle.

Edd made a noise of protest. “All a full bottle of aspirin would do is make my stomach upset.”

“So you’ve tried it then.” 

“No.” Edd sighed. “I did my research.”

Kevin didn’t move. “Be honest. What do I have to look out for? What else have you… planned or researched or whatever?”

Kevin was staring at a spot on the wall. He was afraid of the answer.

He pursed his lips and took a breath before answering. “I really just thought hanging would work. It’s supposed to be a painless way to… pass. I don’t want to do anything that would create too much mess. The idea that someone will have to clean it up is too much to bear.”

“So I’m not gonna find you carving up your arms or trying to shoot out your brain?”

“No.” He said simply.

“Drowning?”

“No.”

“Okay.” He said. “Good.”

“Can I get up?” Edd questioned. 

“Yeah fine. If you’re not out in 30 minutes I’m checking on you though.”

“That’s hardly necessary.” He rolled his eyes.

“If it makes you feel better it’s more for me then you.”

He moved his arm but didn’t get up. The bed was backed into a corner and Edd was trapped on the inside. 

“Excuse me.” 

“Just climb over.” Kevin grunted. “I don’t wanna get up.”

Edd huffed but complied. As he crossed he nearly fell and Kevin grabbed him to keep him from hitting the floor. The position he wound up in was less than dignified, straddling the jock, chest to chest. 

Double D felt Kevin’s half hard member warm, pinned under his own and flushed bright red. He scrambled backwards nearly falling again and ran to the restroom. As normal as morning wood was for men of their age he’d never had someone else’s pressed up against him before. He’d imagined it certainly but the reality was more… raw than he expected.

When he’d gotten into the restroom and started the water he realized he hadn’t grabbed a towel in his hurry and groaned inwardly. 

He peeked back into the room determined to grab it and go as quickly as possible after such an embarrassing event. However Kevin was laid back and… manipulating himself. He’d moved the covers off and was pumping his dick with quick hard strokes, his head a violent purple as he thrusted into his hand. Edd watched with fascination and arousal. Kevin moaned and Edd backed away and covered his mouth, a soft moan of his own about to escape.

He’d just get a towel from the laundry room. His heart was pounding. Kevin, school heartthrob and star football player, fucking his hand in _his_ bed.

He was dizzy with confusion and arousal when he passed through the kitchen and froze next to the trash. The rope he’d tried to hang himself with was sticking out from the top of a trash bag. He was sure the only thing in the bag besides it was glass… before he could think about it pulled the rope out and brought it with him to the laundry room. He wrapped it up and stashed it in a hiding spot before grabbing a towel. 

He shut off the light and made his way back to the bathroom, his pulse thumping loud in his ears. He didn’t know where he planned to hang from without the light but at least he wouldn’t have to buy another rope.

* * *

Kevin panted. Fuck! Having someone sit on him like that… the warmth, the way the dork had accidentally trapped their half-hard dicks between them, rubbing them together. When he’d tried to lean back and away instead teetered backward, causing Kevin’s erection to slide between the mounds of his ass. He barely kept himself from holding his hips in place and grinding up into that perfect heat.

He’d never said it out loud but he swung both ways. He just didn’t exactly want to shout it out and possibly lose his popularity, at least before. As a senior that kind of stuff didn’t really matter. Now it was more because it wasn’t really anyone’s business. 

He jerked his cock and bit his lip. None of the out guys at school were his type anyway so there wasn’t really a reason. He never thought the nerd would be either but thinking he might have lost him made Kevin realize he’d taken it for granted he’d always be around. As much as he’d ignored him, not having him across the street would be _wrong_. And really? How had he never noticed how attractive he was? Touching someone who looked like that was bound to get him all hot and bothered.

He had to be off limits though. At least right now, while he was suicidal and on the brink. Maybe later, after he found his footing and had more people in his life. But he was damn attractive. 

The way he gasped and he could see the little gap between his teeth, how his blue eyes widened and his cheeks bloomed with color at the accidental embrace. Fuck yeah, he was his type.

* * *

Edd had tried hard not to touch himself in the shower. While finding the rope had sobered him significantly as he passed the room and the slick noise of Kevin pumping himself bounced around the hall. After that it was almost impossible. He’d never seen someone masterbate in person. Kevin had a… particularly attractive dick, he had to admit. The way he’d lifted his hips to fuck into his hand… _oh dear_. He’d probably thrust into his partner with the same vigor. He whimpered at the conjured image.

He shouldn’t be imagining anything of the sort. His hand trailed down… he really shouldn’t… It was a terrible idea.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._

When Kevin knocked Edd startled and nearly slipped. He’d just cum a minute ago and was trembling through the afterglow.

“I’m still in here.” He said with a tremor in his voice.

The door didn’t have a lock and when Kevin popped his head through Edd near screamed.

“I said I was still showering!” He covered his lower body and turned to the side, not comfortable facing towards him nor facing away. The glass door did nothing to hide his nudity.

Kevin took a moment to appreciate seeing Edd in his full glory. Besides being a bit too thin he was definitely gifted with shapely legs. His eyes dragged from his pink nipples down to his perky rear. _Choice,_ he thought before nodding. 

“Okay. Carry on.”

Edd blushed bright red. Kevin had definitely let his eyes linger far too long. 

No. That was ridiculous. He wasn’t exactly good-looking and especially not good-looking enough to turn a straight guy gay. He was probably checking to make sure he wasn’t hurting himself. He shook the thought away, even more embarrassed at his thoughts.

He’d finished washing and as he stepped out he was hit with a dizzy spell. He slid on the wet tile and barely caught himself. He almost laughed. What if he’d failed to kill himself yesterday and instead fell in the shower today and busted his head open? 

He stumbled out pressing his hand into his aching forehead. He looked in the mirror and saw the nasty rope shaped bruise he'd made around his neck. It was incredibly tender. He’d have to switch out the shirt he picked for something with a higher neck. The cut on his head was easy enough to hide with just his hat. He just pulled it down a little lower.

When Kevin heard the shower turn off he stood outside the door with a couple Tylenol and a glass of ice water. 

“Aspirin isn’t good for concussions.” He explained. 

Edd nodded. He hadn’t known that.

“You okay?” 

Edd swallowed down the pills. Kevin watched his Adam's apple bob and noticed the gnarly rope burn. It was deep purple and scabbing where the rope had abraded the skin. It was noticeably shaped like the braided cord he’d used and would be undeniable it was from a suicide attempt if anyone saw it. His eye bags and underweight body painted a picture of someone who’d given up completely. Maybe he _should_ have called the ambulance last night. Would it be too late now?

“I will be. Thank you.” He smiled. It was fake but at least he was trying and that gave Kevin a little bit of hope.

“You sure you want to go to school today? I’ll stay home with you.”

“Absolutely not. I won’t have you missing class because of me, and I won’t be missing class because of my own stupidity.” 

“Hey.” Kevin said, grabbing him by the arm and making him look him in the eye, “Don’t. It’s not going to help you talking yourself down like that.”

Edd saw the sincerity in Kevin’s face and sighed. “Okay. Sorry.”

“No need to be sorry. Just be nicer to yourself, okay?”

Edd looked away with a frown, biting back a quip.

“What?” Kevin asked.

“Just last week you called me a dork in the halls to your friends. Asking me to be nice to myself seems odd coming from you.” He hadn’t expected that to come out so bitter and bit his lip.

Kevin flinched. That was true. Even just yesterday he’d been pretty rude while thinking about him before he’d found him like _that_. Though it was a bit out of context, he still shouldn’t have called him names, even if it was habit. He’d even said it last night.

“Well I’m a jerk. I shouldn’t have… I didn't know. But that’s not a good excuse. I’m sorry.” His hand on his arm pulled Edd to his chest. 

His cheeks colored again and tried to push Kevin’s attempt at an impromptu hug away. “I get it. I accept your apology.” 

“Come sit with me at lunch.” Kevin said it like it was an invitation but Edd knew it was a command. 

“I don’t know what you expect but I don’t think your friends would be too happy to have me there.”

“Nazz would. And the guys don’t care.” He was resolute. Edd knew arguing would be impossible so he just sighed and agreed.

* * *

Kevin made Edd ride with him on his bike. His old bicycle had been scrapped for parts. It would have been too small now anyway. His parents refused to put any money down for the motorcycle he wanted though so while he saved up he had a new bike he’d been modifying.

Nazz passed in her old beat up jalopy. She honked and waved. Edd had nearly choked Kevin when he’d heard the honk but waved back with a sigh of relief when he noticed who it was.

Arriving to school together had been odd to say the least. They’d gotten there early and Kevin stayed close and dragged him with him to the couple friends that were there before classes. They didn’t bat an eye but most of them just ignored he was there all together. Only Nazz greeted him. They did seem to be tired though so he didn’t hold it against them. 

Nazz did give him a questioning look though when Edd tried to inch away from the group of friends and Kevin threw his arm around his shoulders, pulling him back into the circle. Edd froze and sighed before moving back to where he was before. Kevin didn’t remove his arm though. Every now and again Edd would try to shrug him off but he wouldn’t allow it, pulling him closer until Edd tried to move again. Nazz made eye contact with him and the boy could only look away. He didn’t know how to explain Kevin’s newfound clinginess.

When lunch came around Kevin had picked him up from his class. Edd had considered going to hide in the bathroom but if this morning was anything to go off of Kevin would go looking and if he got worried enough he might inform a teacher of last night. He wasn’t willing to let that happen.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit suspicious to have me with you at all times.” Edd asked on the way to the cafeteria. Kevin held his wrist in his hand and was essentially dragging him along.

“Suspicious how? We’re friends and I’m making sure my other friends know.”

“Suspicious that you’re constantly manhandling me. It’s not particularly straight behavior.” He tried again to shrug off Kevin's insistent arm but failed.

“Good thing I don’t care if I look straight.”

Edd wasn't sure what to say to that. He just followed along defeated for now.

They’d grabbed lunch from the cafeteria line and sat down. Edd was definitely not hungry, but then he’d not been eating much at all. He’d had an apple this morning at Kevin’s behest and that was quite a bit more than he’d had in one sitting in awhile. 

The guys this time seemed to be friendlier to him. He wasn't sure what Kevin had said to them between morning and noon but he was welcomed warmly. One of Kevin’s football friends had sat next to him and any time he seemed to have been left out too long he’d ask him a question. Edd shuffled his food around his plate only taking small forkfuls when he was trying to avoid talking but he started to feel sick from just a couple bites. He’d switched to taking sips of water, but even that was making him feel too full.

Soon his food was a mush on his plate from pushing it around and his water was gone. Talking to so many people after over a year of near isolation was making him anxious on top of his upset stomach. When he’d tried to back away Kevin put his arm up and instead of letting him like before Edd nearly jumped out of his skin. He’d flinched so violently that the whole table turned to look at him.

“Uh.” He started but no words came out. “E-excuse me.” It came out strained. He got up and made a dash for the doors.

Everyone sat shocked at his sudden departure.

“I’m gonna go check on him.” Kevin went to get up after he’d recovered but by then Edd had disappeared.

“Are you sure that's a good idea? He looked really overwhelmed.” Nazz said.

“Yeah. I just need to make sure he’s okay.”

Kevin checked the restroom, hoping that he'd only needed to go to the toilet. He hadn’t been there, or in the upstairs bathrooms or out in the courtyard. He wondered if he’d have gone to one of the classrooms but then thought about last night. It was a long shot but he checked the roof.

He’d found him shaking like a leaf huddled on a bench. Luckily the roof had a chain link fence surrounding it. 

“Hey. You okay?" He asked, coming to sit next to him. He wanted to put his arm around the frightened boy and hold him but that seemed to have triggered this episode so he refrained. 

Edd shook his head. “Sorry. I…” He shook his head again, unable to form any more words.

“It's okay. Can I touch you?” He asked. 

Edd seemed to think. He peeked around the empty area and nodded, only just barely.

Kevin rubbed his back until Edd’s shaking slowly subsided. 

“What happened back there?”

“I'm not used to talking with so many people. I was already nervous but you put your hand on me without warning.” 

“I'm sorry. I just saw you starting to move away. I was trying to be supportive or whatever.”

“I felt like I was trapped.”

“I’m sorry.” He repeated. “I guess we should have talked about that.”

He shook his head. “It’s not like either of us knew I’d have a panic attack.”

“Well. What can I do if you start feeling like that again?”

“I think it might be best if I’m able to get away.” Edd fidgeted, hoping that didn’t upset Kevin too much.

“Maybe you can let me know somehow?”

“I'd rather not draw attention if i’m going to make a departure.”

Kevin hummed. “Okay. I get that.”

“How did you manage to get them all to be so nice to me?”

“I think that was Nazz, but they're also not that bad. As long as they know you're my friend they’ll be chill.” 

Edd sighed and looked off to the distance another question itched at him though. 

“How did you find me?”

“Well yesterday you… ya’ know. Jumped. In a way. I thought maybe you’d wanna be somewhere high up.”

“Oddly astute.” Edd said. Jumping off a roof was too messy and public but being high up had its charms, seeing the world from a new angle was calming. Familiar but different enough to break the tedium of everyday life.

They stayed on the roof the rest of lunch and when the bell rang Kevin walked him to his class. They were right next door so it wasn’t too odd. It did still draw attention.

Throughout class people whispered. He’d never been seen hanging out with anyone and suddenly the school's most popular guy was ushering him to class? As much as he hated the attention he understood their interest. 

He hoped he wouldn’t have to deal with any of this soon. He just needed Kevin out of his hair first.

* * *

When classes were over Edd went to his locker, exhausted from the day. Instead of Kevin waiting for him though Nazz was there leaning against it.

“Oh. Hello again Nazz.” He smiled. She’d always been nice to him but she’d also never really stuck up for him. He wasn’t really sure how to place her.

“Hey dude. Kev had to help a teacher bring copies to the teachers lounge. He asked me to wait with you.”

“Oh. Alright. How were your classes?” He asked politely as he got his things together.

“They were fine." She answered quickly and without detail, "So what’s up with you and Kev?” 

Boy did she ever get to the heart of a situation.

Edd wasn’t really sure what to tell her nor was he expecting her to be so forward.

“Uh. I don’t really know.” He said. He adjusted his bag and shifted uncomfortably, closing his locker.

“He was all over you this morning.” She smiled mischievously. “He’s really taken a liking to you.”

“Uh. Yes well… we are friends now, I guess.”

“I dunno dude. I think he _likes_ you.” 

Edd pinkened and turned his face away. “Why would you ever think that?”

“I dunno dude. Do you normally put your arm around someone you’re not dating for a whole conversation?”

“I wouldn’t know.” Edd answered truthfully. He'd never been in a relationship and only had sparse friendships. 

“Give it up dude. You’re totally together, right?”

“I don’t know where you got that idea but I assure you that’s not the case.” Double D was starting to feel woozy. He knew stress could make concussion symptoms worse and wondered how rude it would be to excuse himself, but also how suspicious would it look.

“Okay and you just happened to wear a turtleneck in 78 degree weather after he spent the night at your house? I saw you two leave together this morning.”

He moved his hand to his neck. Why Nazz would assume that so readily was beyond Edd. Kevin had no rumors he knew of floating around of having interest in men, not that he was particularly on the pulse. He did admit though that the evidence did seem to stack up that way when you looked at it from the outside. 

“I’m quite certain I’m far too male for his interest.”

“But he’s not too male for yours?” She giggled. “Don’t worry. Your guys’ secret is safe with me.”

“There’s no secret Nazz. I assure you.” Well there _was_ but that wasn’t it.

“Then how else would you explain both of your sudden weird behavior?”

“I…uh,” Edd started unsure where his sentence was going to end.

“Cool it Nazz.” Kevin said coming up behind Edd. He’d placed a comfortable hand on the small of his back. Seemingly his answer to not putting his arm around him. It was almost more intimate though, especially with Nazz’s accusation floating between them. 

“I helped him out yesterday and found out that Eddy was a real shithead to him. So I invited him to sit with us.”

She raised an eyebrow at the touch. “And you’re constantly touching him because…?”

“Can’t guys be friendly?” He asked. Edd looked between the two of them. They seemed to be communicating something but he wasn’t savvy to their odd silent language.

“Fine. But on record I think you two would make a totes cute couple.” She started walking to the doors.

Kevin chuckled and used his hand to guide Edd. “Shall we?”

“Oh. Uh. Sure.” Edd said confused but came along. Kevin didn’t seem inclined to remove his hand however and Edd figured he was just a tactile person. His heart fluttered in his chest anyway. 

* * *

When they got back Kevin pulled Edd along to his house to pack a bag. 

“What else do you think I should grab? Toothbrush, clothes, school books? Oh. Phone charger.” Kevin listed. 

“You truly don’t need to stay.” Edd tried again. “I’m already feeling much better.”

“Nope. Can’t get rid of me now. I’m gonna stick to you like glue until I know you won’t try that shit again.”

“Isn’t it awkward sharing my bed? I mean it’s quite small and as much as I’m not someone who would act on such impulses but I am… gay. And you’re quite attractive.” If appealing to comfort didn’t work using the gay card might. He didn’t seem to care in a general sense but if it was directed at him maybe he’d understand exactly how awkward it was, maybe even leave him alone.

Kevin gave a half lidded smile. “You really are making it difficult aren’t you?” 

“What?” 

Kevin got up and stalked over to him. Edd couldn’t help it, he backed up at the predatory look the jock had on as he cornered the confused nerd. When his back hit a wall he gulped and Kevin boxed him in. 

“I’m not gonna bite.” Kevin laughed at the shock on the smaller man's face.

“Then what, prey tell, are you doing?”

He smirked. “I’m not too worried about you jumping me.” He said before pushing away from the wall. He picked up his bag. “Alright. I’m ready.”

Edd’s pulse was racing. What did _that_ mean?

His knees shook. “O-okay.” 

Kevin felt like he was going to explode. ‘Quite attractive’ the little dork couldn’t get much cuter. He’d made the decision though to keep himself from jumping his bones until he was confident that he wasn’t going to kill himself the second he was left alone. 

Nazz watched as Kevin and Edd crossed the street to Edd’s house, Kevin carrying a luggage bag. 

_Psh,_ she thought, _not dating my ass._


	3. Chapter 3

As soon as they got back in Edd froze. The blood on the carpet was still there. He started shaking. He’d left it there all night! It was probably already set!

“What?” Kevin asked when Edd didn’t move from the doorway.

Instead of answering Edd stormed to the kitchen and took out an organized box from under the sink labeled “for carpets.”

Kevin watched as he pulled on gloves and methodically poured solution after solution onto the stains and scrubbed so hard it looked like he’d rub the carpet bald. The smell of the chemicals was abysmally strong and made Kevin dizzy. Breathing that in couldn’t be healthy. 

“Whoa hey, calm down.” He shook Edd’s shoulder while covering his own nose.

“Filthy filthy filthy.” Edd whispered under his breath. He seemed to be in a trance. 

Kevin wasn’t sure what to do but he did spot a bag of disposable respirators in the box and pulled one on before putting another on Edd. He didn’t fight it or even seem to notice, he just continued to scrub. 

After about 15 minutes of this he finally stopped and the carpet was spotless. It was like the stain was never there. Kevin would have been impressed if he wasn’t so worried.

Edd wiped his brow and removed the mask. “Good as new.” He said with relief.

“What was that?” Kevin asked.

“What do you mean?”

“You just went all… cleaning zombie. It was like you were possessed.”

“The carpet still had blood on it. I just needed to clean it up.”

“But that wasn’t normal. You were completely out of it.”

“It happens occasionally.” Edd shrugged. “Ever since I was a child.”

Kevin scrunched up his eyebrows. “Have you talked to anyone about it?”

“Why would I?”

“I dunno. It just seemed like something to talk to a therapist or someone about.”

“I don’t need to see a therapist.” Edd rolled his eyes.

“You tried to kill yourself yesterday. I think seeing a therapist is the least you should be doing.”

Edd gathered the cleaning supplies back in the box. “I _don’t_ need to see a therapist.” He repeated before bringing it back to its spot.

Kevin followed him to the kitchen. “You had a panic attack earlier. And you just went all… catatonic and weird just now. A therapist could help.”

“Yes and they could also tell me nothing is wrong and that I’m just lashing out because my parents are neglectful. I already know that.”

“But isn’t that still something a therapist can help with?”

“What would you know about it?” Edd asked angrily, turning to glare at the redhead. 

“I’ve been to therapy.”

Edd blinked, taken aback. “What did you need therapy for?”

“My sister got diagnosed with cancer a couple years ago. It was really scary and I just wanted to be alone and I was so angry all the time. When the team noticed they talked to my mom about it. She put me in therapy. It helped a lot.”

“Oh.” His irritation deflated. “I’m sorry about your sister. How is she?”

“She’s doing okay. Chemo’s been hard on her but her girlfriend has been helping her through it.” After a pause where Edd wasn’t sure what to say Kevin continued. “Therapy isn’t something that’s shameful or whatever. Sometimes we need a little bit of help to find ways to deal with our feelings. Even a few of the guys on the team started seeing someone after I talked about how much it was helping. Frank still goes regularly.”

“I don’t need it.” He said with less conviction than before. He didn’t know anyone at school went and it was a shock to think someone as popular and well adjusted as Kevin had needed it.

Kevin decided to drop it there. He didn’t want to push too hard but he could tell he’d already made progress.

They’d decided to start on homework. Kevin didn’t have anything due tomorrow but Edd was insistent that it was best to do things early and he figured if he was going to be staying with the smartest person in school he might as well take advantage of getting help with his homework.

As they were finishing up Kevin had his face on the table, bored as Double D was finishing up his work for AP world history.

“So besides homework what do you do for fun.”

“Nothing you’d find interesting I’m sure.” Edd said putting the final touches on his essay.

“Try me.”

“Well currently I have an experiment running in the garage that’s meant to simulate the natural environment of the Eastern Hercules beetle and am eagerly awaiting a clutch of eggs from my specimens.”

“So you watch bugs fuck? That’s weird even for you.”

“I do not watch!” He said aghast.

Kevin laughed. “Okay but that’s still like sciency stuff that you’re working on. There’s got to be something you do that’s _just_ fun.

Edd rolled his eyes. It _was_ fun. "I read.”

Kevin stared at him with disapproval.

“Um… I like old movies?”

Kevin seemed to find that answer acceptable.

“What’s your favorite?”

“Probably _Blazing Saddles_.”

“Western. Nice. We should watch something. What have you got?”

“Well I did just download _Some Like it Hot_ and _Chinatown_. I think _Chinatown_ would be more up your alley.”

“ _Some Like it Hot_ is that Marilyn Monroe movie right?”

“Yes. I didn’t expect you to know it.”

“My sister is obsessed with Marilyn Monroe. I never watched it but she always played it when I was a kid. That and _Breakfast at Tiffany’s_ but I don’t think that has her in it. _”_

Edd gave a side glance at Kevin. He was probably a good brother. Being a younger sibling didn’t seem right for him though. He seemed the protective older sibling type. 

"How old is your sister?" He asked.

"She's 29. 30 next month."

"Ah. No wonder I never knew about her."

"Yeah she moved out when I was in elementary, but she'd babysit a lot, and I'd go over when my parents went on work trips, so we were still pretty close."

“Well, If you have a request for something else I can download it.”

“Nah, I think my sister would be stoked if I watched her favorite movie. Though she might be miffed I didn't watch it with her.”

“Alright. I’ll get it set up.” He said getting up to grab his laptop and HDMI cord.

“Before that, let’s order some food, I'm starved.” 

Edd grimaced. He’d thrown up before Kevin found him on the roof and kind of felt like he’d probably throw up again if he ate. He also knew how _not_ eating would look and he _really_ didn’t want to talk about it. 

It probably wouldn’t go over well with Kevin if he told him he didn’t want whoever had to autopsy him to have to deal with waste in his digestive system. It seemed the kind of thing he’d call the hospital over.

If Kevin would be around for a week like he’d said, it would probably be best to just go along with it. He didn’t exactly enjoy puking though.

“What’s that face for?” 

Edd hadn’t realized he’d been telegraphing his distaste. “No. Nothing. What do you feel like eating?”

Kevin had obviously noticed how little Edd ate at lunch. He’d made note of how light he was last night and was certain he didn’t eat. Especially since Edd wouldn’t have eaten anything that morning if he hadn’t forced it on him.

“How about soup?” Kevin asked. His sister had a hard time eating when she first started treatment. She dropped a bunch of weight and the only thing she could keep down was broth, he knew it wasn't exactly the same but it made sense to him.

Edd knew he’d been caught out by the suggestion but if Kevin wasn’t going to bring it up neither was he.

“That sounds fine.” He conceded.

They’d gone with Chinese food and waited until it got there to start the movie. Edd sipped at the soup. Kevin sat on the floor at Edd’s feet eating his spring rolls and fried rice. At first Edd kept looking down to make sure he didn’t spill anything until the movie had gotten him sucked in. He was a sucker for prohibition stories, being a history buff. 

Kevin normally wouldn’t think anything about the running joke about the funeral home being a secret speakeasy but it felt a bit too thematic. If he’d known he might have chosen the other movie. Soon enough though the story mostly dropped it.

“Those dudes seem real bi.” Kevin said when the main characters grabbed hands repeatedly and were just generally touching constantly.

“Coming from someone as touchy as you that’s rich.”

“Well that’s how I know.” 

Edd blinked owlishly. “Wait. You?”

“Yeah. It’s not really a secret but I haven’t really told anyone either. I know Nazz knows but we never talked about it.” He shrugged and ate another bite of his rice.

“Oh. Well thank you for trusting me with that.” Edd said with shock. Kevin hummed and went back to watching, feeling good about that being off his chest. He didn’t know how badly he’d wanted to say it until it was out there.

Once He finished his food Kevin moved to the couch.

Most of the movie was spent laughing but at one point a joke landed so squarely and suddenly that Edd squeaked a high pitch laugh and covered his mouth in embarrassment.

Kevin looked at him and laughed himself. “What was that!”

He pinkened. “Nothing.”

Kevin chuckled, “That was so cute. C’mon why’re you so embarrassed?”

“Cute?” He yelped.

“Yeah. Very.” Kevin elbowed him. “I like your laugh.”

Edd got redder. “Quit teasing and watch the movie.” 

Kevin laughed low but did as he was told. But when he looked back the line, ‘ _If I wasn’t such a coward I’d end it all._ ’ Was said and Kevin blanched. He’d reached out and grabbed Edd’s hand.

Edd looked down at Kevin’s hand holding his own. The characters on screen started kissing and Edd felt awkward but Kevin didn’t let go. He tried to gently extract his hand but Kevin squeezed it harder.

“Hey. No matter what anything says it’s not brave to kill yourself. You know that right?” He asked.

“Yeah.” He sighed. “I know.”

Kevin let go of his hand. The mood was somber for a bit but a few strong jokes and the mood lightened back up and both of them were howling with laughter by the end. The final joke pushing them into bent over giggling.

“That was pretty good.” Kevin stood up and stretched after catching his breath. “Holy shit is that the time?”

“Yeah. It’s a long movie.” It was nearly time for bed and he was mildly worried about the sleeping arrangement.

“I’m gonna take a shower.” Kevin said. “Do you need to use the bathroom before I take it over?”

“Yes actually. I’ll be just a minute.” After two and a half hours and having, surprisingly, most of his soup, he needed to go.

It was fun watching a movie with someone else. Usually when he watched anything humorous his laughter bounced around his empty house while he sat under a blanket and it only served as a reminder of how alone he really was. He hadn’t watched a comedy in a long time. Kevin sitting next to him didn’t invoke that sensation at all. Instead whenever Kevin elbowed him at some callback joke Edd felt a little lighter.

The fact he wasn’t straight wasn’t something he was expecting either but it also made him feel less alone. He didn’t just accept his sexuality, he understood, and that made all the difference. He didn’t entertain the idea of Kevin being interested in him despite Nazz’s suggestion. It made sense to him now that he’d be so comfortable with contact. He felt a kinship with him because of that same feeling of understanding. 

He’d gathered his sleepwear and got dressed in his room while Kevin showered.

When they’d both settled in and were about to lay down Edd knew it would be hard to sleep. Last night he’d knocked out before Kevin was in bed with him. Not to mention with the recollection of this morning seared into his memory the knowledge they may end up in the same position left him too flustered to sleep. 

While he held no reservations based on his sexuality, but the mornings blunder and the ensuing shower mortified him and he didn't want a repeat performance.

Kevin laid shoulder to shoulder with Edd. The little nerd was fidgety and obviously wasn’t going to be able to calm down any time soon. 

“You okay?”

“I’m fine!” He squeaked.

Kevin rolled his eyes. What a load. He rolled over to face him. “What’s up?”

“Nothing.” He blushed, glad for the darkness.

Kevin flicked his forehead. “Don’t lie dude.”

He rubbed the spot. “Ow. Okay. I just feel awkward. It’s not exactly normal for me to have anyone over.”

“I stayed over last night.”

“Yes, however that was… quite different.”

Kevin looked over his stiff posture. “Ok. Loosen up. You’re way too tense.”

Edd took a deep breath and tried to relax his shoulders. 

“Good. Now I know it seems counterproductive but trust me. Tense up completely. Hands, feet, face. Everything.” 

Edd did as he was told.

“Now breathe out and release.” Kevin said, low.

His body felt light as air. The tension he’d been holding all day seemed to dissipate somewhat and he sighed. He wondered if that was one of the things he’d learned in therapy.

“Try to get some sleep.” 

It was easier than he thought after that.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning seemed like it was going to be a little easier. Instead of Kevin’s arm thrown over him, Edd was resting on the redhead's shoulder. 

Kevin was still fast asleep and Edd stared at his face while he wouldn’t be caught. He was certainly handsome. He understood how he was so popular. 

As much as he felt like he shouldn’t, he let himself bask in this for just a moment. The warmth that was overwhelming yesterday morning was now comfortable and he enjoyed the feeling of simply being allowed to lean into another person. 

Kevin’s broad chest under his cheek while his arm was wrapped loosely around his shoulder was such a calming feeling he’d almost forgotten to be anxious. However when the creeping feeling of how much he didn't belong started to set in he sat up. 

How pathetic was he? Imagining a fake scenario where this was more than an unlikely friendship- even that was ridiculous. He was being pitied. He’d tried to move away but Kevin blinked his eyes open. 

_Stupid, stupid, stu-_

“You move too much.” Kevin groaned, breaking Edd's mantra, before turning and tossing himself half across Edd.

“I need to get up.” 

Kevin squinted at him. That flat look from when he’d found him was back. “Mmm. You don’t though.” He said. He shifted again, this time to pull Edd to his chest completely. 

Edds eyes burned and suddenly his general melancholy had morphed into panic. He thrashed.

“Let go!” 

Kevin held him loosely through his movements but not enough so for him to escape. He waited it out, not holding him down but not letting him go either. 

When he’d tired himself out Kevin pulled him back. “Calm down. I got you.” 

That broke the damn. He’d hiccuped a small sob.

Kevin shushed him. He’d known he’d have a relapse at some point but he only wished he’d known what set him off. 

The cry wasn’t as hard or as long as his previous breakdown but he was left raw and shaking.

“C’mon. Tell me what you’re feeling.” He asked, hoping he’d get some answer.

“I don’t know.” 

“Then what are you not feeling?” He remembered his mom asking him that as a kid when he’d throw a tantrum and it always stuck with him. 

“I’m… not happy?” He tried. It was a question he wasn’t sure how to work around. 

“Okay. Why?”

“I’m afraid.” He whispered.

“What’re you afraid of?” He rubbed his back in soothing circles much like he did yesterday on the roof.

“You.” He responded in a small voice, his face buried in Kevin’s sleep shirt. Despite the declaration he pressed himself close.

“Why me?” He wondered if all the touching he was doing was making him more uncomfortable then he let on yesterday. Maybe he just wasn’t reading the situation right. Was it too much?

“I can’t get used to this… being alone will hurt so much more.”

Kevin’s chest tightened painfully. “As long as you want me here I’ll stay.” Kevin said into Edd’s sleep cap.

Edd’s eyes welled up again. He couldn’t ask him to do that for him but he wanted to. He instead closed his eyes and let himself be held. Broken sobbing shook him but slowly subsided.

Kevin pulled back to look at Edd’s face, he’d fallen back asleep. He used his thumb to wipe away a stray tear. 

Before he’d just wanted to help him. He didn’t want to be responsible for his death by just not doing anything, sure he thought he was cute, now though he wanted to make him happy by any means.

He remembered him being fast with snarky quips back when they’d all been closer in middle school. But he also remembered him crying pretty easily, maybe even more than Jimmy did. He was sensitive and was always delighted to see anyone having a good time, taking interest in anything that made the people around him happy. Kevin used to think that was a nerdy trait but now he appreciated his deep caring for the people around him, whether they were friends or not.

He’d also always had the gift of seeing things from everyone’s point of view but rarely was he extended the same generosity. No one seemed to care who was punished for Eddy’s schemes so long as someone paid, and often Edd was the easiest target. 

Had Edd not been pulled in by Eddy and his scams he thinks he wouldn’t have been so outcasted. Sure he’d been a nerdy neat-freak but he was also pleasant and kind. Even Nazz’s sugar sweet demeanor seemed standoffish in comparison to the way Edd had always offered a helping hand. 

He stared at the sleeping face and felt anger at his parents and Eddy for abandoning him. He stared at his mouth, slightly open and breathing softly. He’d brushed his thumb over his cheek again and Edd nestled his face into his palm. The purple on his neck was darker this morning and stood in stark contrast to his pale complexion.

Kevin’s heart thudded loudly against his rib cage. _Mine_ , he thought suddenly and it bounced around his head. He was embarrassed at how quickly he’d started to have such strong feelings for the boy. Before he could make his thought reality though he had to get him to accept help.

* * *

They’d made it in time for class but only just barely. Edd was annoyed Kevin let him sleep a whole hour longer. He’d had to rush through his morning routine. Kevin just watched him with humor. Edd was lively like this, energetic even and Kevin liked seeing his eyes bright and alert, even if they were still puffy from earlier. 

They didn’t get to hang out with anyone before school started but it turned out that two of Kevin’s friends from the team were in his early morning class, He was surprised that they were also taking AP World History. 

When the year had started Edd has obviously been in a really bad way and didn’t really pay attention to anyone in his classes. When he realized he didn’t know anyone by name he felt just awful having to ask, especially since they had known his. It didn’t bother them though. It actually seemed like they thought it was refreshing that he was so separated from the petty drama surrounding the team. 

They had been assigned to do group work. It wasn’t unusual for the class, but it was the first time he’d been asked to join a group, and the first time he’d talked to anyone during class. Everyone went quiet whenever he spoke, listening in with bated breath as though he was going to say something life changing.

 _Was it really so odd?_ he wondered. He used to answer questions in class all the time! He hadn't done that in years now though he realized. Had he really been so consumed? His grades had never slipped but he realized how little he participated since his friendships had dissolved.

Mic and Tray were the football players in class and they even invited him to their study sessions. It didn’t seem too bad which was surprising. They were also mostly in AP classes and did their part of the work. He was so used to just working on his own or being forced to do the bulk of any assignments but they were diligent and didn’t try to push any of their work onto him. They didn’t even complain. In fact, they were rather fun to be around and didn’t seem to care about his poor reputation. One of them, Tray, had also been in his second class and they walked together. They were sat on the opposite sides of the room but Edd's good mood had stuck the whole rest of class.

When Kevin came to get him for lunch him and Tray were talking about something from class at the door. It made Kevin smile to see Edd opening up and talking to someone else was a good first step.

“Hey, Kevin. You didn’t tell us your boyfriend was so smart.” Tray greeted. Kevin beamed at the complement but Edd was quick to correct the linebacker.

“Oh no. We’re not together.” He looked to Kevin to back him up. 

“Yeah, We’re just friends.” He shrugged. _For now._

“Oh,” Tray said confused. “Sorry. I just thought with yesterday and Nazz said…” he looked between them. “Well anyway lunch?”

Kevin wasn’t able to get Edd to eat this morning because of the rush but he was determined for him to have something substantial for lunch. He’d seen that Edd was taking vitamins and there were meal replacement drinks in the fridge so Kevin assumed that was how he was keeping himself from fainting but he needed to get some meat back on his bones. 

When Edd had started to only put light veggies on his tray Kevin put one chicken tender on his plate.

Edd frowned but Kevin nudged him. “Please?” He asked in a whisper. 

Edd looked at the chicken tender and back to Kevin. “Fine.” He sighed. 

The smile he got in return was almost worth the stomach ache he knew he’d wind up with.

He’d managed better at the table today. The guy from before seemed sheepish that he’d been too curious and scared Edd off, at least that was what he believed. He still occasionally asked something or tried to talk to him, but it wasn’t as aggressive as it had been yesterday.

Edd had managed the bit of chicken and not much else but Kevin was ecstatic anyway. He’d kept peeking at him and nudging him when he stopped eating. Encouraging him to continue until he’d completely eaten it. Edd wanted to be annoyed but he couldn’t deny that he enjoyed the way Kevin beamed at him. It felt good to have someone be proud of him for something, even if it was for something as silly as eating a chicken strip.

When Edd had been quiet for any long stretches Kevin would put his hand on his knee under the table. Edd didn’t feel trapped anymore but it wasn’t as subtle as Kevin seemed to think because everyone definitely noticed. Tray seemed even more confused as he watched the captain be more gentle and attentive then he had for any of his previous girlfriends. Edd seemed a bit stiff but Tray saw the look his friend gave the nerdy kid and there was undeniable affection. If they weren't dating yet they would be, he was sure. The betting pool would definitely be interested in this.

* * *

His last classes he didn’t know anyone and he felt lonelier than he had in awhile. He listened to the lecture but when it came to work time he was surprised when some of the people around him asked him questions. He recognized them from his other class and stammered but answered. They must have realized they could talk to him because of Tray and Mic during class.

He glanced at the teacher who’s eyebrows rose into his receding hairline. Mr. Seal had been the one who’d found him in the bathroom freshman year having a panic attack after he’d cut too deep and was bleeding all over the floor. At that time he’d been having worse and worse attacks since his mom had started living part time at her new boyfriend’s house and maybe it had been because of that but his need to clean had started to worsen. 

One day he’d cut his hand in a frenzy while cleaning the kitchen and it instantly snapped him back into the present. He held his hand under the water and felt more himself then he had in months. That had started it. A few months of cutting when he’d started to have panic attacks he had started to have worse nightmares which turned into worse panic attacks which turned to worse cutting and the cycle had left him exhausted and anxious. At that point Ed and Eddy were still around but he refused to burden them with his trifles. Eddy had his own family abuse to worry about and Ed wouldn’t understand. He’d make up some excuse or another when they asked about how tired and on edge he seemed. He just told them high school was more of a mental burden then he’d expected and they believed him and dropped it. Why wouldn’t they?

It all culminated when he felt sick all day and made a trip to the restroom, something he’d avoided all year. If he could help it he’d never use a public restroom period. However he had no choice this time. The first stall he opened was clogged. The second one someone hadn’t bothered to flush and the final one, the handicap stall, had trash strewn about on the floor, and the toilet paper roll was dragging on the wet floor. He felt the room spin as the idea of being in any of them without bleaching everything made him feel even sicker and he wretched into a trashcan. He shook and his eyes burned but he couldn’t sit on this disgusting floor, how he’d managed to even take a step into this place was something he was questioning and his head swam. He turned the sink on and washed his hands but still felt _filthy, filthy, filthy._ There wasn’t anything he could do to fix it, to clean it, he was filthy just for being in here. His sleeve got wet as he continued to scratch his skin raw.

The white sleeve stuck to his skin and it brought his attention to his cuts. He had never cut at school but he did always carry an exact-o for any school related purposes. His hands trembled as he tore through his bag and pulled the capped knife from his pencil bag. He pushed up his sleeve and dug it into his wrist and dragged it up his arm. The sink was too small to fit his arm under as long of a cut he’d made and as he tried the blood had leaked onto the counter. The pool of it sending him flashing back to the memory of screeching tires. He whimpered and sunk to the floor, the disgust of the grime overridden by seeing his nightmares playing over the world while awake. 

That’s how the teacher had found him. Luckily he’d missed his vien and didn’t need to go to the hospital and because it was the middle of class no one else had seen what had happened. He’d been forced to go to the councilor and while she’d suggested therapy she said she was going to call his parents. He knew he couldn’t stop her so he just accepted it quietly. Nothing had ever come from it though.

He was sure that Mr. Seal hadn’t forgotten. He’d never tried to call on him and would occasionally greet him. Not to mention he was much harder on everyone besides him. Seeing Edd talk for the first time had made the older man do a double take.

When class ended Edd waited for people to leave to not get caught between the bodies and the teacher nodded to him. 

“Glad to see you feeling better.” He said.

“Thank you.” Edd answered with anxiety. His stomach cramped, either from the memory or the food he’d eaten but he fled to his next class.

* * *

After school Edd had needed to use the library for a research project. Nazz had the same class but at a different period so they’d decided to work together, or rather Nazz decided they should work together and Edd let her. Kevin sat on the other side of him mostly goofing off but he did have his math work in front of him and occasionally bothered looking at it.

Nazz had taken notice that Edd wore another turtleneck and was resolute that she would see if he’d had lovebites like she assumed today. She’d peek out behind her book waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

An opening. Edd had let his guard down and had his nose in a book. She reached out but before she could hook her finger under the material Kevin’s hand grabbed hers.

“Don’t even try.” He said sternly.

“What? Something you don’t want me to see?” She asked him with fake coyness.

Edd jerked away when he noticed how close to his neck Nazz had gotten. 

“You don’t just go around grabbing at people.” Kevin said. Nazz snorted.

“Like you’re one to talk.”

“It’s different. We already talked about it.” Kevin said.

“Mmhmm.” Nazz raised her eyebrow. “Alright then. Double D, may I please see what’s under your shirt collar?” She asked, crossing her arms with a smirk.

“Um.” Edd put his hand over the front of his neck. 

“Leave him alone.” Kevin said a little more seriously.

“I’m not asking you.” Nazz glared. They’d held eye contact for a moment as both stood their ground stubbornly. Nazz proved to be the less stubborn of the two and backed off first in annoyance. “Fine. Spoilsport. But I’m not going to stop believing it’s because you like marking him up. You might not wanna be out yet but I know you and you’re possessive.” She said to Kevin.

“Think what you want.” Kevin replied with only mild irritation, the image of Edd covered in lovebites was an image that definitely wouldn't leave his mind any time soon.

The fact Kevin was willing to let Nazz believe something so embarrassing in order to keep his secret made Edd feel guilty. But letting Nazz in on what he was hiding wasn’t an option. She was much too forward and seemed like the type to tell a teacher ‘for his own good.’ He got lucky with Kevin being the one who found him because he knew any of his other neighbors probably would have immediately called an ambulance when they realized he was hurt.

He mouthed a ‘Thank you’ to Kevin. He responded by squeezing his knee and going back to his work. 

Nazz watched the interaction and pouted. She was Kevin’s best friend and him not wanting her to know about his secret boyfriend was a little hurtful. They’d never really talked about it upfront but she knew he was also into men and there wasn’t a reason for him to keep it from anyone. 

It had to be because Double D was shy but it still seemed ridiculous to allow Kevin to flirt and touch him openly without ever confirming their relationship. Wouldn’t that draw way more attention?

Waiting wasn’t something she was good at. But she sighed and figured she might as well settle in.


	5. Chapter 5

When they’d gotten back to Edd’s house Kevin looked through the fridge and pantry. Ordering out every night would get expensive and he figured cooking something simple should be fine. 

While there was food it was mostly things that took a while to go bad. Apples, eggs, onions, potatoes, rice, beans, noodles, canned veggies. Lots of different condiments. There was some meat in the freezer and none of it looked like it had freezer burn yet. Maybe he could make some kind of fried rice? He’d had that last night so he wasn’t too keen on it. There was pasta sauce among the condiments so maybe spaghetti? But the noodles were wrong. There wasn’t much to make a full meal out of.

“When was the last time you went grocery shopping?” He asked Edd.

“Maybe two weeks ago.” 

“We should probably go soon. I don’t really know what to make out of what you have.”

Edd peeked over his shoulder. “I think I can make saimin.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s like ramen but Hawaiian.”

“Think you could handle something that heavy?”

Edd gave pause. “I can just have the broth. Maybe with an egg.” It was the closest they’d come to talking about his food thing.

“Yeah? Choice. Anything I can do to help?”

“Can you thaw the pork? Nothing else needs much help. It’s basically just regular ramen with different noodles.”

Kevin did as he was told. “So are you Hawaiian then?” He asked.

“On my moms side.” Edd replied as he prepped the egg noodles and started hard boiling the eggs.

“That’s cool. Ever been?”

“I was actually born there. We moved here when my dad got a work transfer. I’ve visited my grandmother a couple times there but not for years.”

“I know it’s a lot to ask and you don’t have to tell me, but do you know why they haven’t been back? You said almost a year?” Kevin stayed close but didn’t crowd him. He’d be nearby if it was too sensitive of a topic or could back off if he wasn’t willing to go there yet.

Edd stared at the broth as he stirred it. “My dad got transferred again but my mom didn’t want to go with him. So I stayed with her. She had apparently started having an affair and she went to live with her new boyfriend not long after.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s fine. It is what it is.”

“That doesn’t mean you deserved it.”

That made Edd pause. “Thank you.” His voice was soft.

The microwave beeped to let them know the pork need to be flipped.

He finished up the saimin in silence. Pensive about what Kevin had said. He’d realized how much he blamed himself for his parents being gone, and how little sense that actually made. He was just so hurt and it was easier to blame himself instead of his absent parents.

They ate their food, Edd very reluctantly. He had some stomach pain during his last class. It didn’t persist but he wasn’t hungry at all. He humored Kevin though.

The recipe was better than he remembered.

The weekend before he’d tried executing his plan he’d gone to a restaurant to order his favorite dish as a last meal. He’d done it days in advance because of his specific... wants for his body but it didn’t work out as planned. He’d had terrible stomach pain for the whole weekend and didn’t do anything but lie in bed and groan. He was suddenly glad that wouldn’t be one of his final experiences. 

“How’re you feeling?” Kevin asked after they’d finished, as Edd cleaned the dishes.

“Okay for the most part.”

“You were just really quiet.” Kevin would have been worried but he didn’t seem to be in that same dark fog he got into where his eyes glazed over and he looked like a walking corpse. He just seemed like he was deep in thought, his brows lightly furrowed as he ate.

“Sorry. I was just thinking.” He gave a small upturn of his lips. Not a smile but reassuring.

“When aren’t you?”

“You got me there.” He’d put the dishes on the drying rack and turned around to face him.

“Anything in particular?”

“Just earlier. I’m still not sure how to put it into words.”

“Wanna try?”

Edd felt suddenly soft and thankful for Kevin and his leading questions. “I guess… something about you saying I didn’t deserve to be left alone... I don’t know.”

Kevin looked at him expectantly. Edd took that as a sign to continue.

“It might have made me realize it was their choice to have a child and they just… left.” He wrung the drying towel in his hands before putting it on the counter. 

“And?” Kevin baited, hoping to keep him talking.

“And it wasn’t fair to me.” It felt weird to say out loud after having internalized for so long that they were gone because he just wasn’t good enough.

Edd shuffled for a second. He wanted to… be touched right now after that but felt too awkward to ask. Would it be too weird if he initiated the contact?

“It really wasn’t.” Kevin said, moving closer.

Kevin noticed the nervous energy coming off the other boy. When he adjusted from leaning on the counter back up to standing Edd made a motion as though he’d step forward but decided against it and looked away. 

“What’s up?” Kevin asked.

Edd looked caught out. “Nothing. I… what should we do. We’ve got a few hours to…” kill seemed like the wrong word to use so he refrained, dropping his sentence. 

“C’mon. What aren’t you saying? You look like you want something.”

He clammed up even harder and fiddled with the hem of his shirt. Kevin put his hand on his shoulder to try and get him to look at him and that finally seemed to collapse any and all of Edd’s reservations and he leaned into him. Resting his forehead on Kevin’s shoulder. 

_Oh_. Kevin grinned. He’d liked that Edd seemed to have started craving affection. Even if anyone would do Kevin was more than happy to sweep Edd up. He chucked. “Was that it? You just wanted a hug?”

“Don’t make fun of me.” Edd mumbled into Kevin’s jaw from the tight hug. “I’m not used to this.”

Kevin let go, but only to lead Edd over to the living room and practically haul him into his lap. “I say we watch TV and veg out for a bit.”

Edd was still trying to get his bearings. The pose wasn’t sexual but it was extremely intimate. He was pulled to sit sideways on Kevin’s lap. He’d peeked up and the redhead was smiling at him like it was the most natural thing in the world and Edd couldn’t take it. He looked back down. 

“Any objections?” He obviously meant more than just the idea for how to spend their time. 

“No. That sounds… fine. Good.” 

That answer seemed to be what Kevin was looking for because he turned on the TV and settled in. 

Sometimes they’d get on some topic or another because of whatever show was on, animals during a nature documentary, cartoons they watched as kids, and just general chat as they flipped between TV movies and soap operas. Often Kevin would change the channel during a commercial and because of that they didn’t really stay on anything for too long. 

Kevin liked the insight Edd had provided while watching anything. He could talk about the history behind old movies or during documentaries he’d say information that they’d relay seconds later. Kevin made a game out of flipping through the channels and asking him what he knew. Edd seemed to enjoy it but he was worn out from the day. 

Whenever Kevin laughed Edd felt it in his vibrate in his chest and it was incredibly calming. His soft but steady heartbeat lulling him. Nestled together like this Edd let himself relax in a way he hadn't since his parents had lived with him. He wondered how he’d gone his whole life without this level of casual touching. He’d once read humans need 8 positive touches a day to maintain emotional health. He wondered if it stored up because he felt like he was getting that in spades. 

When it had gotten late he had started dozing on Kevin’s shoulder. 

“Wanna head to bed?” He whispered.

“Hmm.” He nuzzled closer. “Sleepy, sleepy, sleepy…”

“God, you’re cute.” Kevin shook him lightly. “Hey I think it’s time for bed.”

“Okay.” He murmured and started to stand. His sleepy eyed yawn made Kevin smile.

He’d followed him up the stairs and when he’d gotten up Edd started changing. Kevin threw on his own sleep pants and turned around just in time to see Edd remove his hat. Kevin froze. He’d never seen what was under it before. 

He wondered if he should have looked away but he’d seen before he could have moved. His hair seemed normal but when he’d turned he saw a scar that cut through it. The hair above it had partially covered the paper-white scar tissue except for his messy hat-hair sticking up but he could tell it left a bald spot that cut across in an odd pattern because that side of his hair was much thinner.

He didn’t know what he was meant to do with that information now that he’d seen it. Edd pulled his sleep cap on and crawled into bed. Kevin figured it could wait and laid next to him.

* * *

Kevin woke up to Edd tossing in his sleep. He was having a nightmare from the looks of it.

“Hey, Double D.” He shook his shoulder. He didn’t wake up and instead flinched. “Wake up.” He tried again, a little firmer.

He gasped and shot up. He was sweating and pale. His eyes were unfocused and he practically jumped from the bed and rushed to the restroom and violently threw up in the toilet. With nothing substantial in his stomach though it was all orange stomach acid. He backed away from the toilet, shuffling away from the mess. Tears stung his eyes. Not from the dream but from the painful way his bile burned his esophagus. 

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. It was a dream.” Kevin said kneeling next to the shaking boy.

Edd gripped his head and winced. “Sorry. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, nothing to be sorry for.” He helped Edd up. “Are you okay? Do you need anything?” 

Edd shook his head but allowed Kevin to help him back to bed. 

“I’m gonna get you some water. I’ll be right back.” Kevin laid him down and made a quick trip to the bathroom to flush down the contents of the toilet. He didn’t need him going all glassy-eyed zombie on it later.

He came in and sat next to Edd and helped him drink the water in small sips.

“Thank you.” Edd’s voice was scratchy.

“You want to talk about it?”

Edd was torn. He wanted to get the images from his dream out of his head but he also didn’t want to say any of it out loud. “I don’t know.” Was all he could muster.

“Okay. We can sit here till you do know.”

He whispered after a few minutes of silence. “There was… a lot of blood.” 

Kevin didn’t say anything. He let Edd take his time. Only occasionally prompting Edd to take a sip of water.

“It was a car accident. When I was a toddler. I don’t remember it but I dream about it sometimes. I haven’t had that dream in months.”

“Maybe it was because of the carpet yesterday?”

“Maybe.” He mumbled. 

It was 5am and they both started to get tired again. “C’mere.” Kevin said. 

Edd crawled into Kevin’s arms without complaint. 

* * *

They woke up a couple hours later in the same position and Edd was truly considering skipping class for the first time. 

“Let’s get you something to eat.” Kevin suggested, stroking Edd’s back.

Edd didn’t want to but he sat up. He just nodded.

“Take your shower and I’ll make breakfast. Okay?”

Edd hummed and got off the bed. His exhaustion was clear.

Kevin would have offered to stay home again based on the tired look Edd had but figured he’d see how he felt after a shower. 

Edd brushed his teeth, disgusted that he hadn’t after vomiting. He stared at the cup that held his toothbrush and noticed the second brush sitting there beside it. He knew Kevin had brought his over, obviously, but there was something about seeing evidence of someone else in his house that gave him pause.

There was evidence all over the bathroom. His body wash in the shower, his razor on the counter, the aftershave nestled in between his own hygiene products.The rhopos of another human filled the space in his home. He was sure there’d be more all over his house, settled between his own objects, not disturbing the cleanliness of his home but confirming that someone was here with him, even alone in the bathroom. The domestic sentimentality of his home being full stung his eyes. 

It felt like the air was heavy around him. Not in a constricting or overbearing way but rather like comforting weight tethering him to the moment. 

He seemed much more himself when he came down to eat. He’d even been able to eat an egg and piece of toast. There was something about his earlier reflection that had made him more aware of his body and it’s needs. 

“Sorry about this morning.” He said at the table.

“Everyone gets nightmares.” Kevin shrugged, eating another bite of toast.

Edd looked at him with an expression he couldn’t read. “When did you get so understanding?”

Kevin chewed his food thoughtfully. “Honestly,” he said after swallowing, “Probably during therapy. I used to be pretty angry and lash out all the time. Even before everything with my sister. I think I just thought that’s what it meant to be a man. When I figured out that was bunk I started paying more attention to the people around me and how what I said and did affected them.”

Edd pushed his second egg around the plate. “Is it really that easy?”

“No. And yes. It’s a lot sometimes, and you do have to actually try and do the things your therapist tells you to do. My first reaction is still anger but I know how to let that go now and move on to the next thought. But I still have that anger. It didn’t go away because of therapy. So it’s still work, but at least now I know how to do it.”

Edd didn’t look up from his plate. “I had a therapist as a child.” Edd said. “Or rather a psychologist. After the accident. He put me on all these medications and did hypnotherapy on me and made me relive that accident over and over. My uncle died in the crash and I would see his face over and over. He died in the hospital but because he kept forcing me to relive it and I knew the accident was why he died I’d see his face, skeletal and bloody in those sessions and I would come out crying. Which only led my parents to believe I needed it more. I read a lot about psychology for a bit because I was trying to rationalize what that doctor did but in everything I just found he was trying out experimental treatments that had no proof or backing.”

Kevin paled at the admission. No wonder he seemed so adverse.

“I promise that’s not what all therapy is like. I get it though, why'd you be against it.” He reached out and linked their fingers.

“I know. It’s just hard to believe it when _that’s_ your first experience.”

“I didn’t mean to but I saw when you took your hat off last night. Is that scar...?”

He extracted his hand from Kevin’s and placed a hand on his hat. “Ah. Yes. In the accident.”

“Can I see it?”

Edd gripped his hat. If he’d already seen the scar it wasn’t much something to hide. It didn’t mean it wasn’t daunting though. 

“I guess.”

As curious as Kevin was to see it in the light, he saw how uncomfortable Edd looked.

“It’s okay to say no if you don’t want me to.” He said softly.

Edd pulled his hat down over his eyes. “Maybe… later.” He said.

Kevin nodded. “Whenever you want.”

* * *

They'd left for school and Nazz joined them. They left Kevin's bike back at Edd’s, they couldn’t all ride it and no one wanted to be left behind.

“My car wouldn’t start.” She complained.

“Again? When was the last time you got an oil change?” Kevin asked.

“Oh. I dunno.” She said. “How often are you supposed to?”

“Every 3 months or 3000 miles.” Edd replied.

“That might be it.” Nazz scratched the back of her neck. “Anyway. Three days in a row spending the night? And still with the turtleneck. When are you two gonna go public?” 

Edd frowned and looked away, pulling up his shirt collar. 

“Dude. Can you read the room or what?” Kevin scoffed. 

“So then what’s with you staying over?”

“I don’t remember you being this much of a busybody.” 

“You’ve never been this intent to keep a partner a secret. And you’re not even good at it.”

“Nazz, I assure you. If we were dating we wouldn’t keep it from you.” Edd tried.

“Then what’s with all the secrecy? You guys didn’t talk for years and now you’re inseparable. What’s up with that?”

Kevin put his arm up to put a barrier between her and Edd. “It’s really not your business.” 

Nazz looked hurt and Kevin felt bad but held firm. 

“Kevin. I know you’re being protective but you don’t need to be rude.” Edd chided. “Listen Nazz. It’s a very personal issue that Kevin accidentally became involved in.”

Nazz crossed her arms. “Fine. I’ll drop it. But I fully believe if you two aren’t dating you should be.” 

They looked at each other, satisfied that she’d at least stop trying to dig.

When they got to school they didn’t have much time to sit with Kevin’s friends but they popped by. They’d all greeted the three of them. Tray, Mic and Edd had class together so Kevin said his goodbyes and headed to his own class, excited that his friends were welcoming Edd so readily. He wanted them to have time to bond and become friends independent of him and the two on the team that had the most in common with him was a great place to start. 

Tray watched the dopey smile Kevin wore as he waved them off with a raised eyebrow.

“So what’s with you and Kevin? Cause I’m pretty sure he likes you. And it seems like you like him.” He asked with an easy smile.

Edd pursed his lips. People were very invested in Kevin’s romances today. “We’re just something of childhood friends. I guarantee it’s not what you think.”

“I don’t know exactly what’s up but I just wanna say you should give him a shot. I know he can seem like a hard-ass but I think you two could be good for each other.” Tray said.

“What makes you think that I’m the one who needs convincing?” 

“Dude. He’s been giving you hints all over. We’re running a betting pool for when you guys start dating. Frank has you guys for dating since yesterday and I think he’s asked you out and you said no. Tray has you down for not noticing yet though.” Mic replied and Tray nodded. 

Edd gripped his head. Stressed by the fact so many people were talking about him. “All of you are going to be very disappointed.” 

“I’m just saying. Think about it.” Tray nudged and Mic nodded in agreement.

Thinking about it was exactly what Edd was trying not to do. He’d almost wanted to just shout at them what happened. Then at least they’d get why Kevin was sticking to him so closely. He was touched at how supportive they all seemed to be though, even if they were mostly wrong. They’d been incredibly kind to him despite his lack of popularity and while Kevin said he hadn’t come out officially, his friends seemed to have all caught on on their own. Observant and caring as they were it was unnerving to be the center of so much speculation.

When lunch rolled around Edd excused himself to the nurses office for a nap. His head hadn’t stopped pounding and now lights and noise were starting to bother him. He’d almost forgotten he’d had a concussion. Kevin had been worried but Edd forced him to go back to lunch. If all those rumors were flying, spending the lunch period together in the nurse's office wouldn’t exactly quell them. 

After a couple of Tylenol and a nap he went back to class a little better and by the end of the day it had mostly subsided but he was incredibly tired. It was like his body was made of lead.

“You look like you’re going to faint dude.” Nazz said to him when she saw him at his locker.

“Sorry. I don’t feel well.”

“Yeah Kevin told me you were in the nurse’s during lunch. You seemed fine on the way to school. What happened?”

“Not much. I just came down with a headache. It’s been persistent.”

“Think you might need to go to the hospital?” She asked.

“No!” He panicked. “I mean. No need. I think I just need some rest.”

She stared at him. “I’d been meaning to say but you did seem a little sick yesterday too. Don’t let Kevin wear you out too much.” She grinned.

“Oh no. He’s been very helpful.”

“Helpful? How?” Nazz asked. 

“Er. I received a mild injury. He was worried so he’s been staying over to help, that’s all.” Without Kevin here he wasn't sure exactly how to ward her off. 

“An injury? What exactly happened?” She looked worried.

“It’s nothing to be concerned over. I promise.”

She cocked her hip. “But it’s bad enough that Kevin feels the need to stay over?”

Edd winced. Both at what she’d said but also the sharp tone she used. It shot a spike of pain through his head and he rubbed his temples. “It’s nothing.”

She glared. “Okay. I think it’s time you let me know because I’m starting to get way too worried with your vague answers. It’s starting to sound like you’re dying.”

Edd’s head started to feel like he’d been hit with a brick again and he sighed. “Fine. Just. At my house.”

Kevin showed up mildly annoyed at being forced to help out again. He couldn’t wait to just go home and curl up with Double D. He wondered if he could find a reason to get him in his lap again. When he spotted his friends he started jogging, until he noticed Edd’s pained expression.

“Shit, hey. You okay?” 

“I’ve felt better. Nazz is going to come back with us.”

“Okay?” Kevin said looking between them.

“You guys are letting me know what’s up.” She said with her arms crossed. She didn’t leave them with an ounce of wiggle room.

Kevin’s eyes went wide. “Are you sure?” He asked Edd. 

He shook his head but winced at the motion. “No, but it’s easier than hiding it at this point.”

Kevin nodded. “Okay. If that’s what you want.” He said. “Here,” he turned around and crouched, “Get on. I can’t see you making it home like this.”

Edd looked around. Most people were gone already. He tried to decline but Nazz put her hand on his shoulder and he nearly collapsed so he gave in. She looked on with worry at his sudden lapse in health. 

“Just do it, dude.”

“Fine.” He huffed and put his arms around Kevin’s neck. It was mortifying being carried.

“You’re light as a feather. It’s not an issue.”

“It’s an issue of embarrassment.” Edd mumbled but rested his head on his strong shoulder. 

Nazz and Kevin exchanged strained small talk as they walked back to the house. Nazz peeked at Edd from the corner of her eye every few minutes to make sure he was alright and Edd was starting to get annoyed at her repeatedly asking how he was feeling. 

“Okay.” Nazz said, shutting the door behind her. “Spill.”

Edd took a moment to put together his thoughts. He wondered if he could get away with telling her some of it without filling her in on the worst of it.

“I have a concussion.” Edd started with, “And Kevin has been helping me.”

Nazz glared knowing that wasn’t all. They were acting too suspicious and if that was all of it he could have said at school. “How?”

“I… dropped from the second story and hit my head.” Edd replied looking at the wall. He rubbed the back of his neck in shame.

“You fell from up there?” She looked at the bannister and frowned, it was too high to just fall over. “How?”

“I think it might just be best to tell her.” Kevin said, low. His hand on his back in a show of reassurance.

Edd sighed and pulled down his collar, showing the still dark bruise on his neck. “It was a failed suicide attempt. Kevin found me.”

Nazz stared at the purple bruise and put her hand over her mouth. Her eyes pricked with tears. 

“What the heck Double D!” She approached and grabbed his jaw. She turned his head to get a good look at the terrible purple bruise. Kevin had to notice that it gotten even worse since this morning. The dark purple was near black and the skin was raised and scabbing where the rope had cut into the side of his neck.

Edd looked incredibly tense and tried not to flinch at the touch.

“Why would you do this?” Nazz asked with a wavering voice. 

“Hopefully everything makes sense now.” Edd couldn’t bear to see the kind of face Nazz was making, avoiding the question entirely.

Nazz looked to Kevin. “Why didn’t you call an ambulance!”

“I wanted to but… you weren’t there.” He looked at Edd with emotion. “I’m helping how I can.”

Nazz looked at Edd and back to Kevin.

“So then you’re staying over here to keep him from killing himself.”

“Yeah.” He said. He hadn’t looked away from the boy next to him.

“Kevin I need to talk to you outside.”

Kevin nudged Edd as if to ask if that was alright and he gave a terse nod, happy to get a moment of silence. 

They stepped outside and immediately Nazz started laying into him, angry.

“You’re letting the fact that you like him get in the way of his health and safety. He should be in a hospital!”

“Yes, I do like him. But I’m trying to convince him to go to a therapist on his own terms. He’s had a hard time of it and I don’t think forcing him into anything would help.”

Nazz crossed her arms. “I don’t like this.”

“If he does anything else I’ll call. But right now I’ve got it under control.”

She sighed. “Fine. But I have to know. Why? What’s going on that he thought that was the answer?”

“He’ll have to be the one to tell you that.” He replied. “He trusted me and I’m not going to break that.”

She looked upset but respected his stance. “Well I hope for your sake you’re doing the right thing.”

“Me too.” Kevin gave a longing look to the door.

“You’ve really caught feelings, haven’t you?”

“That obvious?”

“Dude. I don’t mean to freak you out but everyone at school thinks you two are dating.”

“Well, if everything pans out I hope it happens sooner rather than later, I don’t want to make a move until he’s a little more stable though.”

“Good choice." She said with relief. "I’m rooting for you.” She waved him off to go home and rest. As worried as she was for Edd she knew he was in good hands. She needed to go get the image of her childhood friends mangled neck out of her head though. As much as she wanted to bust into his house and nurse him back to health herself she knew it wouldn't work as well as she wanted it to and Kevin's more subtle approach would probably be better for their friend. She didn’t know what she would do if she had been the one to find him though. 

Kevin opened the door to see Edd sitting back holding an ice pack to his head, he must have started to feel worse because he’d turned the lights off and drawn the curtains.

“You okay?” Kevin sat next to him.

“I think it’s just the stress.”

“You should lay down.” He pulled Edd’s head into his lap. He let himself fall sideways with ease. He shuffled to get more comfortable and keep the ice pack in place.

“What did Nazz want to say to you?” 

“She just wanted to chew me out.” Kevin rubbed Edd’s temples.

“Why _didn’t_ you call the ambulance?”

“I dunno. I wanted to but I guess I figured they wouldn’t be able to fix the fact you’re alone. Maybe if it was just because of Eddy I would have. But... I guess in some way it feels like it was my fault.”

Edd moved the ice pack off his head and looked at Kevin incredulously. “Why would you even think that? That’s preposterous.” 

“I was terrible to you. Even though I knew it was always Eddy that made you join in. And not just me, all of us would blame you for shit he did. Even at school where people followed along with whatever I said. When I was shitty to you the whole school was too.”

“People ignored and mocked me because I helped Eddy even though I knew he was a jerk who didn’t care about anyone. It’s not your fault if people didn’t trust me for my bad choices.”

“You wouldn’t have made those choices if you had anyone else that didn’t treat you like shit.”

“Eddy treated me quite poorly too I assure you.”

Kevin grinded his teeth. He wished he’d stolen Double D away from Eddy back when he’d first met him. If only he hadn’t been a short sighted bully.

“What happened? When you told him, I mean.”

“You mean when I came out to him in secret and he told me I could ‘take a hike’ because he didn’t hang around with gays because it would be ‘creepy.’ He then proceeded to lament that he ever stayed at my house.”

“Fuck, dude.”

“I thought maybe he’d been making a tasteless joke but he started to ignore me. The last time I’d tried talking to him, him and his new stoner buddies had implied they’d attack me if I came around again.”

“Next time I see him…” Kevin growled.

“Don’t fall back into old habits on my account. I just wish I’d had the courage to tell him off back then. I was too afraid though. I didn’t want them to tell the whole school if I got on their bad side any more than I already was. That being my first experience out of the closet really soured telling anyone else for me.”

“You were always too good for Eddy's bullshit anyway. Fuck him. Say the word and I’ll kick his ass up and down the football field.”

Edd smiled. “Thank you for caring.”

“Of course dude.” 

Edd fidgeted. Still laying down he slid off his beanie. “If you, uh, still wanted to see.”

His black hair splayed across Kevin’s lap and the jock instinctively started running one hand through it. It was soft and glossy and Kevin could see himself quickly becoming obsessed. The other ran along the scar. 

Edd had never had anyone put their hands in his hair and he got goosebumps. 

Kevin noticed the cut on his forehead was healing nicely too. It would probably take less time to heal than the bruise on his neck but It would probably scar.

“Honestly,” Kevin said, “it looks kind of bad-ass.”

“I’m sure.” Edd said sarcastically.

“No really. You could pull off the dangerous sexy look no problem. All you need is a leather jacket.”

Edd’s eyes felt heavy and he yawned. “I’m sure no one has ever thought of _me_ as sexy.”

Kevin gave him a half lidded smile. “I’m sure that’s not true.” Kevin stared at his sleepy eyes and fanned out hair and thought sexy was an appropriate term to use right now.

Edd would have been embarrassed if he wasn’t so tired. “Then they should get their eyes checked.” He said before starting to doze off.

“20/20 last visit.” He said, knowing Edd wasn’t awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me a review if you’re liking it. I’ve got about 15 chapters written and done but I’m struggling coming up with an ending. Maybe let me know if there’s something in particular you’d like to see happen.


	6. Chapter 6

He’d awoken from his nap no less fatigued. Kevin had something on the TV but the sound was turned low. He was scraping his blunt nails on Edd’s scalp as he scrolled through something on his phone.

“Oh hey. You’re awake. Feeling any better?”

Edd nodded but yawned. He sat up and Kevin was a little disappointed at the loss of contact with his new favorite thing. 

He pulled his hat back on and stood up to stretch.

“I’m gonna order something. Does anything sound good to you?” Kevin asked, flashing his food app.

Edd was surprised at his own sudden hunger. He hadn’t felt anything but queasy thinking about food for quite a while. 

“Maybe… Thai.”

Kevin smiled wide. “Yeah?”

Edd flushed at Kevin’s excitement. Having a preference meant he was as hungry, which meant he was starting to get his appetite back and Kevin was more than a little happy.

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Okay.” He said with the kind of cheer that made sure Edd knew he did, in fact, think it was a pretty big deal.

Soup was starting to get boring but it was easy on his stomach and he was conscious of his limits, he added in a protein though.

“You still look tired.” Kevin said after they’d placed their order.

“I’m not really sleepy any more but I do still feel exhausted.” 

“Yeah, concussions can do that to you. Do you want to lay back down?” He itched to get his hands back into Edd’s soft locks.

“I shouldn’t, I have some homework I need to do.”

“Is any of it due tomorrow?” 

“No, I’ve already gotten all of that done.”

“Then you should take a break. You’re not going to be able to do much while you’re like this.”

He sighed and sat down. “I guess you’re right.” He leaned his head on Kevin’s shoulder and Kevin’s heart leapt into his throat. 

Edd initiating contact was new and very welcome. “We could watch that other movie.”

“Hmm. I don’t know if I could pay attention. Would you mind if we watch something I’ve already seen?”

“Sure. Anything you recommend?”

“I have some other Marilyn Monroe movies.”

“My sister is gonna love that she can talk my ear off about her.”

Edd got up to pull up the movie and sat back down, a little further from Kevin then from before. Kevin was a little disappointed until Edd’s head dropped back into his lap. 

“Wake me up when the food gets here.” He mumbled.

The movie was about halfway over when Kevin realized he hadn’t paid any attention to it. Too enthralled that he got to mess with Edd’s hair again.

Kevin didn’t want the food to come. Of course it eventually did and he had to extract himself from the couch and the warm weight of the nerd’s sleeping form.

His second nap left Edd a bit less lethargic but much more self conscious about his brazen behavior. Laying his head in Kevin’s lap without invitation was more forward then he’d meant to be but Kevin didn’t seem to mind at all. 

Kevin smiled at him eating with his hat off. Edd had yet to notice his hat had been taken off in his nap and it was still on the couch. With his beanie he was definitely still cute, but seeing his bed head after Kevin’s hands had been buried in his hair gave Kevin a deep possessive thrill. 

He picked up the hat and placed it back on Edd’s head, embarrassed at the way messing him up even just a little had affected him. 

“Oh. Thank you.” The little gap toothed smile he got was almost worth covering up his handy work.

Kevin wanted to put his feelings into words so bad. He ate another bite of his food to stop himself from confessing before the time was right. Edd chuckled at something that happened in the movie and Kevin moved a little closer. 

Edd put his soup to the side, he’d eaten most of it, even the shrimp. He glanced at Kevin and caught him stealing looks at him. Kevin really was a good friend. He’d never had someone care so much about him like this. Ed had been great, but clueless. While he could be emotionally intelligent on occasion he’d never noticed the deep loneliness that Edd had carried through his life. Kevin though... He was worried about him and cared in a way Edd wasn’t aware someone could about him.

With Kevin around the world didn’t seem so bleak. These last few days were so full compared to the drab day to day minutia of before, he had no time to feel lonely. 

He fidgeted over what he was about to do. He’d hidden the rope for a reason, but that reason seemed far away now. Kevin could still up and leave and take everything with him. But as final as it felt he could always go buy more rope if he needed it. Even if it felt wrong to think that with Kevin next to him.

“Hey. Kevin. I… think I should give you something. I need you to throw it away for me.”

Kevin saw a serious look overtake Edd’s face. 

He stood up and moved to go to the laundry room. Kevin followed, curious.

Edd reached into the pantry and moved some detergent to the side, fishing out the rope he’d hidden. He squeezed it to his chest for a second, already regretting handing it over.

“Here.” He said, shoving it into Kevin’s hands.

There were bloodstains soaked into the fibers and Kevin immediately recognized it. “You took this out of the trash?”

“Yes, but I think it’s best that you get rid of it… a bit more permanently.”

Kevin nodded, his eyes burned with emotion. “Thank you.” He pulled Edd against him.

Edd wrapped his arms around Kevin in return. When they broke apart tears were running down Kevin’s face and Edd gasped.

He took out a handkerchief from his pocket and patted it to Kevin’s cheeks. “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have but-” 

Kevin grabbed the hand with the cloth and shook his head. He pressed his face into the frail wrist and gasped a sob. More tears started to fall and he took a few ragged breaths. 

“I'm just-“ a ragged sob shook him, “Thank you for letting me help.”

Edd brought his other hand to Kevin’s face and wiped a tear away with his thumb. Kevin moved to press their foreheads together.

“What could I have possibly done to make you care this much?” Edd’s face had softened and he was looking at Kevin with such open fondness he couldn’t keep it together. A new wave of sobs wracked him. Edd brought him in for another hug and let him cry the way the redhead had for him.

“I’m still here.” He murmured into Kevin’s buzzed hair. Being the person to comfort someone else was soothing, and not being the one crying was new. Kevin squeezed him a bit hard but it was nothing compared to the bone crushing hugs that Ed had always given.

Edd stroked his cheek when Kevin pulled back and wiped his eyes. “Sorry, that was probably a lot.”

“Not at all. Maybe it’s selfish but it feels good to have someone care enough to cry for me.” He bit his lip. “I’m sorry that really was rather self-centered.”

“No.” Kevin smiled. They were still standing close and their arms were tangled together. “You’re allowed to be a little selfish sometimes.”

Edd backed up and pulled himself free from their embrace. “Thank you. But I think we’ve missed the end of the movie.”

“That’s okay. We can watch it again some other time.” Kevin squeezed the rope in his hand. “Let’s get rid of this.” He said.

“Where do you think?”

Kevin stared at it for a second. “Let’s burn it.”

“What! That’s dangerous!”

“You have a fireplace.”

Edd considered it. “Okay. There should be a lighter in one of the drawers.”

They sat in front of the fireplace and Kevin handed the bundle to Edd. “I think you should be the one to throw it in.”

He hesitated before nodding. “Good symbolism if nothing else.”

Kevin lit the fireplace. As it slowly came to life Edd gulped and held the nylon rope to his chest. His hands shook and he squeezed his eyes shut.

Kevin put a supportive arm around him. “You can do this.”

He gulped and without looking threw it in. When he finally pried his eyes open he saw the fibers melting and charring into black. Kevin watched Edd’s face, lit by the licking flames of the fireplace, cycling through emotions.

“Are you okay?”

He looked away from the fire and to Kevin’s face. “I will be.”

“I’m proud of you.” Kevin said with sincerity.

“Thank you.” He whispers looking back at the embers and leaned his head onto Kevin’s shoulder. “And thank you for being here.”

Kevin didn’t reply and just watched the last of the rope burn away. 

Edd had to admit it. He’d fallen for Kevin. After seeing the depths of his empathy, his feelings were released like opening Pandora’s box and Edd didn’t know how to put them back.

And he’d just burned away the only cure. 

* * *

When they’d gone to bed Edd waited until Kevin was asleep to sit up. He tried not to move too much, Kevin was an unusually light sleeper. He stared down at him and with a gentle hand carded it across his short hair.

Kevin smiled in his sleep and rolled over and hugged onto Edd’s legs. Edd wished he could give back half as much as he’d got from him. 

How stupid was he? Falling for someone who only knew the worst of him. He’d been attracted to him previously, of course, but this wasn’t just physical anymore. He’d truly developed feelings for the kind man he’d gotten to know. His tears of gratitude over Edd’s small step to recovery was a tenderness he’d never experienced before. It hurt his heart to imagine the kind of tears he’d shed if he died. 

When he was alone there wasn’t anyone to worry about his death affecting. Now though here this wonderful sweet man, holding him and crying over him, telling him to be kind to himself. His house and heart were full of Kevin and it was overwhelming.

He rubbed the light stubble on Kevin’s face. 

“Mmm.” Kevin hummed in his sleep. “Double D.” He mumbled. 

“Y-yes?” He whispered, concerned he’d been caught out.

Kevin nuzzled his thigh without waking.

Edd’s heart hammered in his chest. Of course with all the time they spent together he was bound to have some kind of dream about him. However the smile he wore was far too warm and it made his pulse race. 

After a while he got tired again. After all his napping today it seemed wrong to sleep again, but he moved to lay down anyway. Kevin made a great impression of an octopus because as soon as he removed his head from his lap and tried to slide down Kevin’s arms had come to his waist and his head laid on his stomach. He tried to worm his way back down, removing his grabby limbs as he went. No wonder they always ended up wrapped up in eachother. 

When he’d finally gotten comfortable Kevin managed to lodge his knee right up to Edd’s groin. He tried to wriggle it away but that only succeeded in rutting him against the leg.

He whimpered and tried to stay still but Kevin’s breath on his ear sent a tingle down his spine.

He’d never cared about the size of his bed before but he wasn’t sure if he was thankful or not about being so close to his crush. Why Kevin’s first thought was to join him in his little bed was beyond him.

Kevin mumbled something in his sleep and shuffled closer again. While it wasn’t a kiss his lips were pressed against his ear, every time he exhaled Edd shivered. As much as he had been trying to suppress his desire he couldn’t help but savor the way they fit together. 

He’d only slept in bursts that night. Every time he woke he could swear they’d gotten more coiled together.


	7. Chapter 7

Kevin was determined to have Edd at his football practice today. He was confident that Edd wouldn’t do anything if left alone now but he honestly kind of wanted to show off in front of him. He also _might_ have had a dream of Edd in his jersey and not much else. It wasn’t like he was going to ask him to actually wear it or anything but it did plant the idea into his mind.

When Edd had returned from his shower he wasn’t wearing a shirt and Kevin gaped at the view. 

“The shirt I grabbed didn’t have a high enough neck.” He explained going straight to his closet. Not noticing Kevin’s stare. 

The jock nodded but couldn’t tear his eyes away. His bruise was fading well but it would probably take a while more to go away. It was starting to lighten up and the middle of it was yellowing, the edges less sharp and defined but the scabbing made it too obvious what it once was. He couldn’t wait until it was gone. He would make sure the only marks that ever landed on that neck again were from kisses.

His ribs and spine jutted out obviously but as underweight and bruised as Edd was, Kevin thought he was beautiful. Not because of and not despite it. They just existed in the same space.

Kevin stretched and came up behind him shuffling through his hung clothes. “I think I have a turtleneck at home if you don’t have another one until you do laundry

Edd eyes Kevin’s muscular physique. “I’d swim in it.”

“Probably. A scarf in this weather would be way too obvious though.”

“Yes and could be easily pulled off by someone too curious. Oh!” He pulled out one from the back of the closet. It was a simple black sleeveless turtleneck. “Never mind.” He sighed and hung it back up.

“Huh, why?”

Edd shrugged and raised his wrist. “Scars. I’d rather not anyone see.”

Kevin hadn’t noticed the faded cuts at all. He grabbed his arm to get a better look. “I thought you’d said I didn’t have to worry about that.”

“You don’t. I only did it for a short time but they scarred up pretty noticeably.” There were more than a few scars but there wasn’t anything new.

Kevin ran his fingers over the raised skin with a frown. “When did you do this?”

“Freshman year. I was caught by a teacher and had to go to counseling. At that point I decided it was too risky. And messy. Seeing the blood also kept giving me flashbacks so I stopped.”

“Flashbacks?”

“The accident…” he touched the scar on his head over his hat. If he had to look in a mirror he’d always put his hat back on. He hated seeing it.

Kevin touched the new forehead cut. “You scar pretty easy, huh?”

“Yeah. Another on the pile, I guess.”

He looked back at his wrist. 

“Didn’t the councilor call your parents?”

“Sort of. I guess she called my mom but when she heard it was from the school she just texted me ‘good job on winning whatever it was.’ As soon as she’d heard it was from school she just stopped listening.”

Kevin watched his face drop and he gave him a side hug. 

“I wish she was there for you when you needed her.” Kevin said.

Edd’s lip wobbled but he refused to let himself cry. He didn’t want to go to class with puffy eyes. Again.

“What if you wear a light sweater over it?” Kevin said, changing the subject. It was obviously too much too early in the morning for that kind of conversation.

“Wouldn’t a sweater be just as suspicious?”

Kevin thought back to his dream. “Gimme a sec. put on the shirt.” He went to his bag. Wearing his jersey on a non-game day would be odd but just a regular oversized shirt would be fashionable enough. And while Edd probably had a shirt of his own he could wear over top of the other shirt Kevin couldn’t pass an opportunity to see him in his clothes.

He pulled out one of the long sleeved shirts he packed. 

“Put your arms up.” Kevin grinned.

“I can dress myself, thank you.” Edd rolled his eyes. “Besides we already said I’d swim in your clothes.”

“That’s the goal. Put your arms up. C’mon.”

“What? Why?” He put his hands on his hips. Kevin kept making a motion for him to lift his arms up. “Stop that.”

“Just try it. With the shirt underneath it looks like it’s on purpose.”

“I’ll try, just hand it to me.”

“Nope. Put your arms up.”

“Ugh, fine.” He said, exasperated, throwing his hands in the air.

Kevin pulled the shirt over his head and smiled at the way his hat was knocked askew.

Edd smoothed the shirt out and adjusted his hat. “I look ridiculous.” He said.

Kevin could swear the air got thinner in the room. The neck was extra wide on his small frame and as he moved it fell off to show a bare shoulder. His torso was long enough that it didn’t look like a dress on him but the sleeves managed to be a touch over long.

“Nah.” He said with a bit of awe. “You look good.”

Edd felt his stomach flip from the predatory glint in Kevin’s eyes. He fiddled with the sleeves. “Won’t someone notice it’s your shirt?”

“Girls get to borrow each other’s clothes.” Kevin shrugged. “Why can’t we.”

“I think you’re being purposely obtuse.” Edd chuckled. 

“Let people talk. We know the truth.”

“I feel the need to tell you that most of the school thinks we’re together. Aren’t you at all worried about your reputation?”

Kevin was surprised he’d heard the rumor. “Has anyone said anything to you?” He’d asked protectively.

“Ah… just um. Your teammates asking me to ‘give you a chance.’”

“But no one tried to mess with you, right?”

“Oh, no.” He blinked. There had to be a limit somewhere but Kevin didn't seem to care one bit about even his close friends thinking they were an item.

“Okay, good.”

“How do you not care that people think we’re dating?”

“Why should I?”

“Because you’re popular. I’m not. And if you want to date someone they might think you’re already with me.”

Kevin fought against telling him that the only person he wants to date is in the room with him and shook his head. “Who cares about that stuff. Popularity is worthless if you can’t do what you want.”

Edd seemed mollified by that. “I guess I was just used to Eddy who was obsessed with status.”

“That’s why he was always a loser. No one wants to be around people who only care about that shit.” He was irritated just thinking about Eddy. “Fuck him and his bullshit schemes, you deserved a better friend.”

Edd put his hand on Kevin’s bicep. “He still makes you pretty angry.”

“I hate what he did to you.” He leaned into Edd’s space, his annoyance drained at Edd’s touch.

“You’re a good person.” Edd said sweetly, he couldn't help but swoon a little at how chivalrous Kevin was. But then he was always the knight in shining armor for the cul-de-sac. Vanquishing Eddy's schemes. While he did have an attitude he tended to protect even Jimmy, who he had teased often. 

Kevin smiled. “You are too.” 

Edd had a hard time believing him, after all he always went along with Eddy’s amoral schemes. He wanted to trust Kevin though. After all if he said so, it must have some semblance of truth to it.

* * *

Nazz joined them again. Her dad had changed her oil but her engine was shot and they had to bring it to the shop.

“Is that Kevin’s shirt?” Nazz asked immediately. “Is this your guys’ way of finally coming out?”

“You’re obsessed.” Kevin rolled his eyes.

“Double D, make no mistake. He dressed you in his shirt to mark you.” Nazz said with a smug smile.

Edd blushed but blew air out his nose in an annoyed huff.

“Did everyone do this to you back when they thought you two were dating?” He countered.

“No, because he never made me wear his shirt.” She sniggered. “You’re pretty quiet Kev.”

Kevin had turned pink and avoided her gaze. Nazz was absolutely correct. He should have thought about the fact she knew him too well before lending him one of his favorite shirts. It was too recognizable, even though that was part of the appeal.

Nazz laughed. “You totally made him wear your shirt.”

“I had a good reason.” He mumbled.

Edd blinked at the shy way Kevin tried to side step saying he wasn’t claiming him.

He bit his lip. Being claimed was something he didn’t realize was so appealing to him.

“I was just running low on shirts that cover everything that needs covering.” Edd explained.

She looked at him a little stricken. She suddenly felt bad about teasing them. Her eyes went to his throat and then his arm. 

“Oh.” She said with grief in her voice realizing exactly what that meant.

Edd noticed how quiet she’d gotten.

“It’s okay. They’re old. I just didn’t want to advertise anything.”

Both Nazz and Kevin frowned. 

“That doesn’t make it better.” Nazz said. “Knowing you’ve been suicidal long enough that your scars can be considered ‘old’ makes it worse.”

Edd seemed confused by that. “They weren’t suicide attempts. I just heard that the endorphins from cutting could help with stress. It didn’t work so I stopped.”

“So you started cutting because you were so depressed you were trying to do anything to make you feel better for even a short period of time. Yeah, no, not better.” Nazz looked like she’d eaten something bitter. The knowledge of Edd’s depression was sharper than lemon rind.

“Well. Yes. But I stopped. I only did it for a few months.”

Nazz pinched the bridge of her nose. “Why didn’t you talk to anyone?”

Edd was suddenly annoyed and angry. “I didn’t have anyone to talk to. Who was I supposed to go to? Up until this week I didn’t know where I stood with either of you.”

“There had to be someone! Your parents?” Nazz was near shouting.

Kevin grabbed her shoulder and shook his head.

“Stop it Nazz.”

“Yes, the people who abandoned me first, of course I should go to them.” Edd said coldly.

Nazz snapped her mouth shut.

“I know you mean well but please don’t presume to know what I’m going through.”

“Then tell me. I want to be there for you too.” She grabbed his hands. “Don’t push me away.”

He felt a little bad for snapping at her. She didn’t know what kind of landmine she was stepping on.

“I’m sorry. I know you didn’t know.”

“I’m sorry for not being there.” She was tearing up and Edd didn’t know what to do. When Kevin cried it felt natural to hold him. Nazz wasn’t Kevin though and he wasn’t sure how to deal with her.

“It’s fine.” He said awkwardly. But Nazz took that as an invitation to hug the boy.

Kevin watched on. He knew Nazz would be helpful as soon as she knew what was going on and was done being mad at him. He was happy that Edd’s support net was growing, even if it pushed Edd out of his comfort zone.

He’d heard a scoff from behind him and they turned to the person who made the noise. It was Eddy. He stood there with his arms crossed. It was weird seeing him, Kevin felt like he hadn't seen hide nor hair from him since starting high school. He'd seen Edd around the halls he knew, but Eddy's presence sure wasn't missed. Kevin scowled at him.

“Keep trying Nazz, maybe you can make him straight.” He snarked as he walked by. Edd had always tried to leave early to avoid running into his ex-best friend. Eddy must have come out of his house while they were standing on the sidewalk having this heart to heart.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Kevin’s fist ached to find itself in Eddy’s face, but he refrained, for now. Nazz swiveled around to gape at Eddy’s rude commentary.

“What? Don’t like me badmouthing your new boyfriend? Everyone’s talking about it.” He laughed, it sounded cruel and sharp in Edd’s ears and he fought against flinching at the sound.

Edd’s lips pursed. He went to speak up. He wanted to yell, but his throat closed up. 

“Yeah. And I won’t hesitate to break your face if you ever fucking talk about him like that again.”

“Kevin.” Edd said with a frown. He grabbed his wrist to keep him back.

“Yeah, don’t let your boy-toy fight your battles for you.” He sneered “Really climbing the social ladder with this one.” Edd stared at the person who had once been his friend and his anger rose. Before he ever got to say anything though Nazz had driven her fist into Eddy’s gut.

Kevin and Edd both gawped at Nazz shaking her hand out as Eddy dropped to the floor like a bag of bricks and gasped for air. Nazz had knocked the wind right out of him.

“Whoops.” She said sweetly. 

Edd looked down at Eddy. He wasn’t the sad kid who just needed a chance he saw him as when they were children, but a pitiful teen that never learned to think for himself and let his family’s cruelty shape him. 

“You really are pathetic.” He sighed. “I regret the years that I was ostracized because of my connection to you. Everyone else could tell you were a leech but I wrongly held onto the assumption you could be a better person.” 

He offered his hand to help Eddy up. “But I’m not you and I won’t revel in your pain the way I know you would if our roles were reversed.”

Eddy slapped his hand away and wheezed as he caught his breath. Nazz’s punch was a doozy.

“Fuck you. You’re just playing the bigger person because you always wanna be morally superior. Guess what- I’m not impressed.”

“Fine.” Edd smiled. “However I’m doing no such thing. Because as much moral high ground as I have I’m not going to hesitate if you approach us again. Please do remember how much ‘dirt’” He paused to add air quotes- “I have on you.” 

“Like what sockhead?” The shorter teen barked.

“Like the fact you’ve stolen underwear from-“

“Stop!” Eddy yelled wide eyed and scared. “You can’t prove that!”

“Oh I’m sorry, did you not what people to know you-“

“Stop! Stop! I get it! You fucking weasel! I told you that in confidence!”

“Oh? You mean like when I told you that I’m gay in _confidence_ ? Maybe I should tell them, after all you kept my secret from your new friends _so_ well. Kevin, Nazz, did you know-“ he crossed his arms and drawled his words with venom. 

“Fuck you!” Eddy spat before stomping away.

“Yeah- fucking walk asshat!” Kevin snarled after him. 

“Holy crap Double D!” Nazz said with awe. “That was amazing.”

“Yeah, you fucked him _up_!”

“Okay, but who’s underwear did he steal?” Nazz asked, mildly terrified.

“Sarah’s. Just before Ed left he realized it’d be the last time he could get into their house. He stole quite a few pairs.” He made a disgusted face. “I really wish I’d have told her back then.”

“Gross.” Nazz gagged. 

“Expect retaliation.” Edd sighed. “I know he would never let something like this fly. Nazz is surely off-limits to his dumb pranks, he might go after you Kevin. Likely though he’s going to try to air my dirty laundry to the whole school.”

“Everyone already assumes you and Kevin are dating so it won’t do anything if he tries to spread around that you’re gay.” Nazz said.

“And you’re a perfect student. What else could he possibly do?” Kevin asked.

“Probably make something up. It’s definitely his style.” He sighed. “Thank you both for standing up for me, by the way.”

“No problem dude.” Nazz said. “It’s the least we could do.”

“You mean other than suckerpunch a dude. What was that?” Kevin asked with a grin.

“Boxing classes coming in handy.” She looked proud as she examined her nails.

“Remind me not to get on your bad side.” Kevin laughed. “Don’t worry about Eddy though. We’re only months away from graduation. Who the fuck cares what he has to say.” Kevin put his arm around Edd. He couldn’t help himself. After that he’d wanted to wrap himself around him and never let go. He felt the need to be touching him in some way. He could tell how much it affected Edd to lay that verbal smackdown and as awesome as it had been to watch, it had to be taxing confronting someone who hurt you so much. It didn’t help that he was still recovering, mentally and physically.

Edd didn’t want to but he leaned into the contact, the exhaustion evaporated off of him at the touch. “You didn’t have to lie that we’re dating to him.”

“Yeah well, it’s not like he’d believe it if we said we weren’t anyway. It wasn’t worth explaining.”

“God you two are too cute.” Said Nazz with an over exaggerated sigh of jealousy. “When will my princess come for me?”

Edd made a face of confused thought. “Is Eddy the only straight person on the cul-de-sac?”

Nazz laughed. “He’s threatened because he’s surrounded.”

“Rolf is… probably straight?” Kevin said. “Though you never know with him.”

“How is he by the way?” Nazz asked.

“He’s been good. He says he’ll be back before graduation.”

“Oh, where is he?” Edd asked, out of the loop.

“Hair school. Turns out he was pretty serious about being a barber.” Kevin gave a half shrug.

“Oh. Good for him.” Edd was definitely startled by that revelation. He’d always expected he’d continue with his family’s farm. 

“Have you heard from Ed since he left?” Kevin asked. He’d wondered for a while.

“No. He’s not allowed contact with anyone not in his family. I don’t know why he didn’t come home over the summer either.

“Have you thought about talking to Sarah? She might be able to get messages between you two.” Nazz asked.

“I don’t know that she’d help me.”

“Why wouldn’t she?” 

“I don’t know. She just seemed to want to pretend Ed didn’t exist anymore.”

“I’ll try.” Nazz said. “I mean we’re both on the cheerleading team.”

Edd looked cautious and a little hopeful, but also fearful. “Oh. You don’t have to.”

Nazz wondered why he seemed so uneasy.

“I bet he’d be excited to hear from you.” Kevin said. The way he’s eyes skittishly looked away he could tell Edd was fretting over the idea of contacting his friend.

Edd shifted. “You think?”

Kevin squeezed him a little closer. “Of course, he probably misses you like crazy.”

Nazz was stricken by how easily Kevin could tell what was eating at Edd.

“I know I’ve been messing with you two a lot but you really would be good together.” 

Edd seemed shy the rest of the walk. Kevin didn’t want to let go of him but he’d inched away and he didn’t want Edd to feel cornered, so he let him have his space. He shot Nazz a dirty look. As much as he appreciated her blessing it was too much too soon. He didn’t want her to scare him away before he had a chance to even tell him.

When they’d gotten to school Kevin walked with him to class even though his own class was halfway across the school. He’d just wanted to stay close after the Eddy incident. Tray and Mic exchanged looks. 

“Haven’t we seen you wear that shirt Kevin?” Mic asked.

Edd flushed. “Do all of you pay that much attention to what Kevin wears?” 

Tray grinned. “What, forgot to bring a change of clothes over to Kevin’s house then?”

“No-“ Edd stopped himself. Telling them Kevin was staying at his place would just encourage them. “I…” he didn’t have any explanation. Choosing to wear his shirt when other clothes were available was just as bad. He glared at Kevin. How had he let him talk him into it?

“I let him borrow a shirt. So what? Do you guys not sometimes borrow each other’s clothes?”

“Dude. No.” Mic laughed.

“Why not?” Kevin raised an eyebrow as if they were the odd ones.

“Cause that’s a couple thing.” Tray laughed. “You can’t convince us it’s normal.”

“Straight girls borrow each other’s clothes.” Kevin pointed out. “Friends can totally share clothes.”

The guys played along but were unconvinced in the end. Kevin shot Edd a sheepish grin. 

“I’ll see you at lunch.” He didn’t want to leave, It didn’t help that he had his least favorite class first. He’d rather just keep looking at Edd wearing his clothes for the rest of the day.

“So really. What’s up with this?” Tray asked.

“You’re really not giving up.” Edd said with annoyance.

“Come on. We just want you guys to be happy.”

“He let me borrow a shirt. It’s… not what you think, I promise.”

“Boo.” Mic said.

“You’re wearing a shirt of your own under his. What would you need his shirt for?”

Edd bit his lip and glanced at the clock. How did he still have minutes left till class starts.

“It’s personal.” 

“Fine fine. I can tell when I‘ve struck a nerve. I’ll back off.” Tray yielded.

Edd gave a half smile and took out his school supplies. Mic however wasn’t as thoughtful and kept needling him until the bell rang and the teacher shut him up.

Classes were business as usual but people were oddly fixated on his ‘new look.’ Some of the girls in the class were whispering and shooting him glances before giggling amongst themselves. Edd wanted to hide. He put his face in his hand and caught a whiff of Kevin's scent. Edd froze but took another small sniff at it. Kevin's fresh scent was... calming. Whenever he felt overwhelmed he discreetly inhaled the smell. As mortifying as it would have been to be caught it was too soothing not to chance it.

* * *

When Kevin came to pick him up from the class before lunch more of the students had milled around. It was like they were being watched and Edd was starting to get a little panicked. Sure some people had been gossiping staring since the day they first came to school together but this was far too much.

“Hey, is it just me or are people staring more than usual?” Kevin asked, unnerved.

“Oh, that’s cause that stoner dude Eddy started spreading around that you two have been staying together at Double D’s.” Tray rolled his eyes. “He keeps trying to make the others upset but it’s just made them curious. The shirt thing didn’t help.” Eddy must have seen them leaving the house.

Edd made an annoyed noise in his throat. “Of course. But without whipping everyone up that won’t be all he tries to do.”

“What? Is that dude giving you guys problems?” Mic looked ready to fight.

“He got a brutal beat down from Double D before class and now he’s trying to start shit.” Kevin growed.

“Whoa, this little man?” Tray nudged Edd. “What? You slap him with a book?”

“Don’t say misleading things Kevin.” Edd huffed. “It was all verbal I assure you.”

“Yeah, Nazz was the one who punched him.”

Mic barked a laugh. “I always liked her. Once she kicked Martin in the balls for trying to kiss one of the cheerleaders when she’d already told him off.”

“She’s much scrappier than I’d known.” Edd gasped. 

“Martin deserved it.” Tray snickered. 

A bubbly girl from the cheerleading squad bounced over to the group while they were chatting, before they could reach the cafeteria. 

“So it’s true then?” She looked between the boys. She had a bright smile and as sweet as she seemed Edd was already on edge. He winced and took a step behind Kevin.

“What exactly have you heard?” Kevin asked.

“That you two are like, serious serious?”

“Not yet.” Mic said. “But if you want to put down a bet for when it _does_ happen...“ Mic led her away.

“Aww-“ they heard her say as she was dragged from the group.

“Wait, bet?” Kevin raised an eyebrow at Tray.

“Look at that line! I need to grab some pie before they run out.”

“I think maybe I’ll go rest in the nurse's office.” Edd said, trying to inch away.

“C’mon. If you do that Eddy will think he got to you.”

“He did. I’d known everyone already had their own thoughts but everyone’s been staring…” He looked frazzled. “I’m really not sure I can deal with that.”

“How about we go grab some lunch and take it somewhere else? Maybe we can grab some of the guys and Nazz so it doesn’t look like we’re going off alone? Less eyes, but we make an appearance so Eddy doesn’t get cocky about ruining your day?”

Edd glanced at the cafeteria and back at Kevin. “Okay. Yeah… that could work. Maybe the roof?”

“Sounds good.” Kevin beamed. 

When they walked in together someone wolf whistled and most people turned to stare. Kevin fought back his sudden urge that rose to the surface. Now would have been a great time to kiss him in front of the whole school, if they were dating. He didn’t think though even if they were Edd would be particularly happy about it.

Before taking place in the lunch line they stopped off at the table. Nazz and Tray were more than happy to relocate to the roof and a few of the others tagged along. The people that didn’t go just didn’t want to be out in the heat. 

The roof was empty, people were allowed up but it’d been unclaimed territory since the Kankers graduated. No one wanted to be up where they smoked and were at their most ornery, even with them gone the place still held their reputation.

Edd breathed a deep sigh of relief at the lack of staring eyes.

“So like what’s your deal?” One of Nazz’s friends asked him.

“E-excuse me?”

“Are you, like, afraid of crowds or something?” You’ve been freaked out since you started sitting with us.”

“Oh. Uh. Not quite. I’m just not one for so much… attention.”

“That’s gonna be hard to avoid while dating the football captain.”

“You all just cannot keep your assumptions quiet can you?” He huffed before he realized what he’d said and how _rudely_ he said it.

The girl barked a laugh. “I like you! Kev don’t let this one get away.”

Kevin had been worried when Marta started talking to Edd. She wasn’t a usual in the group despite being a cheerleader and she often came across rude and abrasive and she didn’t take well to being hushed. It would have been more likely to make a scene then prevent one if he tried redirecting her. She was an acquired taste for sure.

“Don’t be too mean.” He nudged her.

“He’s a big boy.” She scoffed, giving Kevin a withering look.

Edd snorted a laugh at that and covered his mouth. 

“See, he thinks I’m funny. So which rumors are true?” She addressed Edd again.

“To confirm or deny I’d need to know them.” Edd said flippantly. Her acceptance of his more snide remark gave him confidence to be just a little catty.

“Okay, my bets been on you two dating all year and Kevin’s finally gotten you to start hanging around us all.”

Edd scoffed. “Hardly. We’d all but forgotten about each other until this week.” 

Kevin frowned and poked at his food at that. It wasn’t untrue but still felt bad about it.

“Okay… then how about the one where he’s blackmailing you into being his boyfriend?”

“Equally preposterous. Where do you all come up with this stuff?”

“Okay how about what that Eddy kid was saying. That you two have been shacking up at yours?”

“Shacking up implies sexual activity, which has definitely not happened.”

“But he’s staying at your place?”

Nazz watched on, jumping in when she recognized a tough situation. “He got a head injury. Kevin’s been around to help.”

Edd bit his lip. He guessed that would cover some of it.

“Fell down the stairs.” She continued. Edd shot her a gracious look. That was much better than falling off the railing.

“Oh damn.” Marta said. Tray seemed thoughtful.

“So that’s why you’ve been having those headaches then?”

“Yes. Mild concussion. It should be fine soon enough though.”

“Well I hope you keep sitting with us. I used to think you were a quiet little nerd but you actually have a spine. If the rumors about you and Kevin aren’t true hit me up.” She winked at him.

“While the Kevin rumors aren’t true, he’s much closer to my type then you are.” He quipped with a small smile. He liked her, she seemed like a take-no-shit kind of person and he respected that. 

She slapped his back and laughed. “Good we needed more gay boys in this group.”

“More?”

Frank shrugged his shoulder in a ‘I’m here’ kind of gesture. “If Kevin doesn’t have a claim…” he grinned and bounced his eyebrows at him.

Kevin glared daggers at his friend. He’d laid his _claim_ with the shirt, Frank needed to back off.

“Ah well I’m not exactly looking.” Edd shied away. Being flirted with by men wasn’t something he was used to. Though since the Kankers he’d gotten quite good at rebuking women.

“Nah,” Frank said, “I know you’re testing the waters with Kev. I won’t butt in.”

Edd pinkened further and shifted a bit behind Kevin. 

“Okay, okay. The teasing had gone far enough today.” 

“Hey, you sitting in on practice today?” Marta asked Edd.

“Oh. Uh. I guess.” He peeked at Kevin.

“Oh yeah. I forgot to ask!" After this morning he'd gotten too caught up with the drama. "Mind waiting so we can walk back together? Cheerleading practice is going on too so after the three of us can walk home together.”

“Okay.” Edd nodded. 

“Perfect. Actually- Jimmy is out today for a twisted ankle. Mind stepping in? Just for practice?” Marta made a pleading gesture, grasping her hands in front go her.

“What? I don’t know anything about cheerleading. And I’m very weak.”

“You just need to spot us. I promise! No lifting, no stunts. And if Jimmy can do it you can, I mean we all know he can barely lift a toilet seat.”

Nazz elbowed her. “Don’t be mean to Jimmy.”

“I’m not! I’m just saying he’s probably about as delicate as… wait why do people call you Double D?”

Edd blinked at the tonal whiplash. “Oh, because as a kid I hung out with two other kids named Edward. My name is spelled with two D’s though. Hence Double D.”

“That’s stupid.” Marta said. “I don’t know any other Edd’s. Can I just call you Edd?” 

“I… guess.”

“Okay you don’t like that.” Marta said. “How about just D?”

“I didn’t say I didn’t like being called Edd…”

“Another miss… let’s see.”

He looked confused at Nazz who just shrugged. Marta really liked making decisions for other people. It was kind of nice though. She was rather sharp in her observations and made it clear she wasn't going to take no for an answer but it seemed as though she wouldn't purposefully make anyone uncomfortable. 

“D is fine.” Edd said. “I don’t mind that.”

“Alright. D it is! Okay D you’re helping us with practice then.”

“I didn’t agree to that.”

“Too late. I’ve named you and formed a bond.”

Edd was taken aback for a second and then burst out laughing. “Actually. You aren’t so bad.”

“Ugh.” Tray said. “Don’t encourage her.”

When the bell to end lunch tolled Edd was in stitches. Marta and Tray were apparently cousins and started trading barbs. Edd had jumped in to give short but absolutely biting retorts to both of them. Marta’s quick and snarky wit was no match for Edd’s own whip quick insults. Tray kept up but mostly used old ammo form when him and Marta were kids. Recounting her kicking her 3rd grade crush in the face on the swings and biting a kid in 6th. He had nothing on Edd though and was the first to tap out.

At first Kevin and Nazz both were worried. Marta was known for being hard to handle and Tray was a calm but kind of a sarcastic dude who’s sense of humor didn’t always go over well with others but they seemed to be the people Edd gravitated to the most out of the group. Eventually though Edd made such a caustic remark the roof went silent with bated breath, until Tray and Marta, who thought it was the best thing they’d ever heard, busted into raucous laughter. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief that the girl hadn’t decked him.

Kevin was delighted though. He’d been not just accepted but practically adopted by the Rivieras. As close as he was to Tray he was still surprised at how much he’d gotten along with Edd. If the linebacker wasn’t straight he’d have been worried, but as it was he was content. He was thrilled that Edd had more people in his life and that their weird senses of humor had meshed so well. 

Kevin had been asked several questions and prodded but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Edd, confidently and teasingly trading insults and taking bites of his food. The hurt, sad Edd from Monday completely took over by this new D. If he thought Edd was beautiful this morning there wasn’t a word strong enough to describe how radiant he was now.


	8. Chapter 8

After class Edd had walked towards the field. Because of the good weather- even if a little hot- cheer practice was being held out near the football field. 

“Alright. Do you have gym clothes?” Marta asked outside the gym.

“Uh. No. I wasn’t exactly expecting to come out here today.”

“It’s okay. You can borrow a set.” She handed him a cotton T-shirt with the Peach Creek High logo on it and a pair of green gym shorts.

“Uh. I-Can I just stay in this?”

“It’s almost 80 degrees out there. Really?”

“I… burn easy?” He tried.

“No you don’t.” She looked him over. “You’re kinda pale but I can tell you’re not white.”

“I mean, technically I'm half white.” He tried. He hoped she’d just drop it.

“Fine, whatever. But your pants are probably too stiff. At least put the gym shorts on.”

Edd sighed in relief. “Okay.”

He’d left and come back in the thin jersey shorts, they fit, but were a bit ...clingy.

“You’re scrawny but you’ve got a pretty nice ass.” Marta snickered and slapped his butt, to which he jumped.

“Don’t get fresh with me.” He jokingly chided. “However you are absolutely correct.” He said in an imitation of her drawl. Being around her was quite the confidence booster.

She took a moment to teach him how to spot, which basically just meant to stand under anyone doing anything high up and be ready to redirect them if they fell.

“Rather than catching someone and possibly hurting yourself you’re meant to create a buffer so someone doesn’t land too hard.” She explained and demonstrated by having another girl fall and Marta put her hands up, palms flat. She had Edd try a few times until she felt he had it.

“Double D! What’re you doing here?” Sarah asked when she made it to the field for practice. 

“Marta had asked me to step in while Jimmy’s foot was healing today.” He said awkwardly. He didn’t know how to talk to her without Ed around.

“I heard you’ve been hanging out with Kevin lately. I’m glad you dropped Eddy.” 

“Yes, well… he dropped me actually. But I’m glad he did. Kevin is a much better friend.”

“Yeah, I bet. Ed says ‘Hi’ by the way.”

“What?” Double D went stiff and wide eyed.

“Yeah, I’m sorry I never brought it up but I didn’t know you weren’t talking to Eddy anymore. Mom didn’t want them in contact.”

“Oh?”

“I mean yeah, it _was_ Eddy’s fault he was sent away.”

Edd gaped. Eddy's fault? “How?” He finally asked breathless.

“He was getting Ed to help him sell weed at school. He got sent to military school because he was caught. I thought you knew?”

“No. I didn’t.” Edd was even more angry. For months he’d continued to talk to Eddy until he came out. He’d never alluded to any of that.

“I can’t believe his…” he was shaking, “No I can. That piece of _shit_.” Sarah had never heard Edd swear and balked.

“Well I’m glad to know you weren’t part of it.” She said with some relief.

The football players had started to filter onto the field and Kevin spotted them and decided to hop over and say 'hi' before practice could start. He approached from behind and patted Edd’s back but he was tense. He had a look of unmitigated anger on his face.

“Hey. What’s up?” He asked seriously.

“It’s Eddy’s fault Ed switched schools.” Edd deadpanned.

Kevin looked between him and Sarah. Marta watched on with confusion but was enjoying the drama. She smacked her gum and looked between everyone. 

“What? How?” 

“He made Ed his pack mule for weed.” Sarah supplied.

“And he just let him take the fall?”

“I’m so angry.” Edd said in a deathly bland tone.

“Say the word and I’ll fuck Eddy’s shit up so bad he’ll have to eat through a straw.”

“You don’t know how tempting that offer is.” Edd closed his eyes and took in a deep breath.

“I’ve gotta get to practice. Will you be okay?” Kevin asked softly. He put his hand on his shoulder. "If you need we can go back."

Sarah’s eyes widened. She didn’t think the rumor was true but the way the two interacted she started to. The way Kevin watched Edd’s face carefully and how Edd leaned into the contact. It was not just a friendly touch.

“I’ll be fine.” He said, placing his own hand over Kevin’s.

He rubbed his shoulder in what he hoped was a soothing manner. “Okay. But I’ll be right over there.”

“Wow,” Sarah said, “I thought that Eddy was lying when he said you two were together.”

Kevin snatched his hand back and Edd jumped remembering that there were other people around. 

“He was.” Edd snapped. 

She looked at them with open doubt. “Okay.”

“See you later.” Kevin mumbled and ran to the team when the coach’s whistle blew.

“Well.” Marta said. “Come on everyone.”

The cheer coach came out and started instructions for warm up before approaching Edd.

“Thank you for stepping in today. It’s always good to have a guy helping out.” 

“I’m sure I’m going to be more of a hindrance than a help.” He was definitely weaker then any of the girls here, the assumption that because he was a guy he’d be stronger put a pressure on him. He knew he wouldn’t live up to what she’d hoped.

“We always need spotters. You won’t be doing anything dangerous, I promise. With cheer-offs soon we need to keep practicing the major stunts and can’t afford to have another squad member get injured. Even one as minor as a sprained ankle.”

He participated in warm ups. It was nice to do light aerobic exercise. He was glad though he wouldn’t have to participate in any cardio, he hadn’t brought his inhaler with him.

Kevin peeked over and nearly tripped over his feet. Edd was leaning down to touch his toes and the view was downright sinful.

He’d wanted to show off this morning but Edd bending over in workout shorts had to be the most impressive thing he’d ever seen.

Throughout practice he kept getting distracted by watching Edd do literally anything. They’d made eye contact once and Edd waved. Kevin had been tackled immediately after because he wasn’t paying attention.

At the end Edd was fine but Kevin had been hit with the ball multiple times and was exhausted. Everyone could tell exactly why he couldn’t keep his eyes on the ball and it was embarrassing. The guys all made jabs about how good Edd’s ass looked but he’d been completely unable to stop despite the ribbing.

“So why haven’t you asked him out yet?” Frank asked at the end of practice.

“I’m working my way up to that.” He said, never moving his eyes from the object of his desire.

“Dude, just do it instead of making googly eyes at him.”

“He’s so hot.” He said, sidestepping the advice. He knew he was right but it just wasn't the right time yet.

“If you say so.”

“Aren’t you gay? Look at him! He’s fucking perfect.”

“He’s cute, sure.” Frank replied. “But he’s not really my thing.”

“You were flirting at lunch.” He accused.

“Jokingly. I mean I’d do him but like I prefer beefier guys. Let’s hope he does too if you want a chance.”

“Would I really be considered beefy?”

“Sure. You’re no Mic but you’re not scrawny.”

The cheerleaders were doing their closing stretches and Edd was sitting and stretching forward.

“I’m going to have dreams about that.” He said with hunger in his voice.

“Dude, go rub one out in the showers before you attack him. Jesus. I’m embarrassed to know you right now.” 

Nazz and Edd walked over to them, Sarah and Marta were following along. 

“I didn’t know you were so flexible.” Marta said with a cheeky grin. "The lucky guy who bags you is gonna be in for a treat."

Edd elbowed her with pink cheeks, but Kevin was the one truly affected by her words, going red to his shoulders.

“I think maybe I should take a quick shower.”

“Just shower when you get back to Edd’s.” Nazz complained. “I wanna go home.”

“I need to change back into my own pants. You can go on ahead if you want.” Edd replied to Nazz. 

“Oh hey, D. Let’s exchange numbers.” Marta said. “I need to dash but let’s keep in touch.”

“Oh, of course. I left my cell in the locker room but I can give you my number.”

“We can walk together.” Sarah offered to Nazz while Edd was handed Marta’s phone.

“Okay. Well I guess I’ll see you guys later.” She said, shrugging and Marta waved goodbye to them.

Kevin gulped and Frank smirked at his friend's sexual frustration. 

“Ugh. It’s too hot.” Edd complained.

He was sweating and fanning himself. Kevin stared at his own shirt, damp with Edd’s perspiration. He stared at the tantalizing territory of shoulder showing between his two layers and he felt like he was going to snap. He wanted to lick that strip of skin, then remove his layers one by one.

Edd turned and Kevin saw the healthy sun kiss on his cheeks. He remembered how deathly pale he looked just days ago. Now here he was with a slight smile and a glow. He hadn’t gotten darker but he did have a healthy pink to his cheeks that hadn’t been there before.

“Are you okay?” Edd asked, taking in Kevin's flushed face and dazed expression.

“Yeah.” He said. “I’m just out of it. Practice was rough.”

“I saw you get tackled. You didn’t get hurt, did you?”

“No, just… tired. I’m gonna go grab a stall.”

Edd started removing the shorts he borrowed and Kevin bolted. The tight black briefs left nothing about his backside to the imagination, not that the shorts had either but so much more thigh was on display and he couldn't handle it right now.

He’d leaned against the stall and bit his hand to quiet himself. He came faster than he’d ever before and sighed in relief... and frustration. He wasn’t going to make it much longer.

He changed and felt much less like he was going to push down and ravage the object of his desires but as soon as he saw Edd again it was like the shower hadn’t happened at all. 

“Ready to go?” He asked.

Kevin could only nod dumbly.

Walking home together and keeping himself from grabbing him were like two diametrically opposed goals. He’d try to place a hand on Edd’s back and he’d slap it away with the complaint he was hot and sweaty. 

When they’d got home Edd immediately stripped off Kevin’s shirt and threw it in the wash with the rest of the week's clothes.

“Would you like to throw anything in?” He asked.

Kevin had been staring at him in his sleeveless turtleneck and the way his lower back dipped inwards and blinked when he was addressed. 

“Sorry what?”

“Would you like me to wash your clothes? You should lay down if you’re that tired.”

“Yeah, sure. And I’m fine.”

Edd gave Kevin an odd look as he was still standing there. 

“Can you grab them then?” He asked with an amused tone.

“Oh yeah. Sure. Sorry.” He went to grab the laundry from his bag in Edd’s room. Fuck he was getting weird around him. 

He brought it down and when he came back Edd had removed the shirt he was wearing and Kevin dropped his clothes in the basket. His eyes scanned his lithe back. 

“I, uh, yeah, I’m going to go lay down.” He couldn’t peel his eyes off of his damp skin, the dimples in his back and the way his hips fanned out from his waist were all alluring in a way that drew Kevin in. It was like every time he saw him shirtless there was something new and sexy to see.

“Okay, well I think I’m going to rise off. I feel quite gross.”

“Maybe we can rewatch that movie when you’re done. Or put something else on.”

Edd hummed in approval and grabbed a towel before heading up the stairs. 

Kevin laid on the couch knowing just upstairs Edd was naked in the shower. His stomach growled and he realized exactly how hungry he was. He might as well cook to get Edd's naked, wet body off his mind. He went to the fridge again and looked around. 

He realized exactly how hungry he was after being battered so much so he started to cut up potatoes and onions. As he was deciding what else to do he took out frozen veggies and started steaming them in hope that it would be easier on Edd’s weak stomach. After some deliberation he decided to thaw some of the frozen pork and make a marinade for it off in a bowl.

Edd came down an hour later with a towel on his head, wearing an old t-shirt and shorts, to the aroma of cooking onions and pork.

“Smells good.” Edd said, drying his hair.

“Everyone says that when you’re cooking with onions and garlic.”

“Mm. And it’s always true. What’re you making?”

“Potatoes, onions, some steamed veggies and pork. I didn’t really know what else to make.”

“Sounds good. I’m surprised you can cook at all.”

“I don’t mind it. My mom tried to teach my sister and she hated it, but I was really interested.”

“You’ll make a very good husband one day.” Edd teased and Kevin was too pleased by that idea.

“Damn right I will.” 

Edd had eaten lunch perfectly fine today. And while the plate he made up for dinner was small, he got a bit of everything. Kevin was happy to see him eating, but happier to see him enjoy the food he’d made.

“What’re you smiling at?” Edd asked after swallowing a carrot.

“I like that you’re eating.” Kevin replied.

He was a bit bashful about that. “I’m not necessarily anorexic or anything.” He replied.

“I didn’t say you were. I’m just glad you’re eating better now.”

Edd fidgeted and self consciously pushed his food around the plate.

“I’m not saying it to ask for an explanation. I’m just letting you know how I’m feeling.” Kevin explained further at Edd’s nervous demeanor.

He gave a small sigh of relief. “Thank you. You’re… really good at that.”

“What?”

“Not… pressuring me. You seem to understand when I don’t say anything, or at least you try to. It’s hard to talk about all of this but you make it much easier.”

“I’m glad I’m doing something right. I know how annoying it can be for people to keep picking at things when you’re not ready to talk about them. Sometimes it’s necessary but I think just being here when you’re ready to talk about it is much more important.”

Edd had started fiddling with the corner of his napkin. Being given that kind of space made him _want_ to share. 

“I… this week. It wasn’t my first attempt.” Edd admitted. “The first time I didn’t plan anything. I just… It was a split second decision. The only person in the world I had left had told my secret to his friends to make fun of me and I just couldn’t take it.”

“I took a bunch of sleeping pills but I guess not enough. I woke up covered in vomit and I had stomach cramps for weeks as my kidneys recovered. I just thought… I don’t want anyone to have to deal with any bodily fluids when I was found. I started planning out the way I’d wanted to die after that and I mostly stopped eating.”

Edd hadn’t said it nearly as monotone as he did when he’d first found him but he was completely out of emotional steam. He’d gone through so many ups and downs this week.

“I’m glad you’re still alive.”

Edd nodded awkwardly and brought his plate to be washed. It was still hard to talk about so openly, even after everything Kevin had done for him. 

Kevin followed and draped himself on Edd’s back. He froze but quickly melted into the embrace. He hadn’t noticed Kevin come along, too caught in his own head.

“Sorry, just gimme a sec.” Kevin mumbled. 

Edd leaned back into him and closed his eyes. His heart was beating like crazy. He didn’t realize how numb he was feeling until Kevin’s arms came to wrap around him. 

Kevin couldn’t help but rub his face into Edd’s neck. He smelled strongly of honey and Kevin wanted to know if he tasted as sweet. The motion was grounding for Edd too and he turned to sink into his arms again. “Thank you. I never knew how much I needed someone to just… hug.”

Kevin held on a little tighter. He’d been told before by past girlfriends that he was too needy, it was cathartic to have someone say it was something they didn’t just like about him but needed as much as he did.

“If you say that I’m never gonna stop.” He didn’t say it as a joke but Edd laughed softly.

“Might be nice but it’ll be hard to watch the movie.”

“Hm. I guess that’s true.” He let go reluctantly but Edd stayed comfortable against him for a second longer. 

“So which movie should we watch.” He asked into Kevin’s shoulder. When Kevin didn’t answer Edd looked up questioningly.

“Uh, anything is fine.” Kevin swallowed thickly at how easily he could just move forward and be kissing him. How perfectly they'd fit together. His hand came to rest on Edd’s cheek and he closed his eyes and leaned into it. Kevin’s heart thundered in his chest as he watched Edd’s lips as he thought about what movies he had.

“Hmm. Chinatown it is, then.” Edd said and Kevin snapped out of his reverie. 

“Sounds good.”

Edd had put on _Chinatown_ and they’d settled in and it quickly became one of Edd’s new favorites. Kevin thought it was interesting enough but was more invested in how much Edd liked it. Sometimes something would happen that had historical significance and he would pause the movie to explain water legislature of the 1920's or drop an odd factoid. Kevin didn't really have any interest in the actual history but he liked seeing Edd's eyes light up. The first time he prattled something off he covered his mouth and apologized for talking during the movie, the look on his face like he'd been told more than once to shut up. _Probably_ _Eddy_ , Kevin thought with a frown. Kevin paused the movie. 

"No, tell me about it. Sounds interesting." 

That was like the magic words because Edd looked like he'd never been so happy.

Every time Edd started talking from then on he’d wave his hands excitedly. Kevin couldn’t help but stare at his long fingers. He remembered him playing that strange instrument before. He bet his hands were pretty skilled. 

“So that’s why the water dispute happened in the first place.”

“How do you know all this stuff?”

“Well. I have a lot of free time.” Edd said, a little tense, his hands going back to his lap. 

“It’s pretty awesome. I can barely remember anything long enough for a test.” He wanted him to continue being animated and smile about all the weird parts of history he liked. 

“I’ve never heard it called that before.” Edd fiddled with his hands in his lap.

“Kids are stupid. It’s always been awesome to know things.” Kevin grabbed one of his long fingers and pulled the hand between them. “You’ve always done what you wanted even when people teased you about it. I think that’s pretty punk rock of you.” 

Edd chuckled. “Thank you. I used to think so too.”

“And now?” Kevin asked. He entangled their fingers together. Edd glanced at their joined hands and squeezed.

“I think I only got as into school and academics as I did because it was the only thing that got me attention from the adults in my life. First my parents but when they eventually fell off I replaced their attention with that of my teachers.”

Kevin used his hand to pull him to him. Edd allowed himself to be led to sit much closer. Kevin didn’t know what to say so he kept their hands linked and started the movie again. Edd leaned his head on Kevin’s shoulder and they went back to talking about the movie.

* * *

“Here let me try something.” Kevin said before bed as they were just getting ready to lay down.

He motioned for Edd to lay down first. He complied and took his normal spot on the inside of the bed. Kevin arranged him until they were lying chest to back with Edd being the smaller spoon. There was plenty of room with both of them on their sides for Kevin to move further back but he didn’t. Instead keeping himself pressed firmly against the smaller man.

“How’s this?” He’d asked right in Edd’s ear, and to his credit as much as it sent goose flesh down his arms he didn’t tremble like he would have days ago. He was becoming way more accustomed to being touched and truly wondered if he’d ever be able to sleep alone again.

“It’s fine.” He replied, keeping his voice level despite how much he was enjoying this. 

As nonchalant as he’d tried to be Kevin had noticed the way his breath hitched ever so slightly and hoped he was a good thing.

“Night.” Kevin whispered into his hair.

Being held from behind left Edd warmer than any other time they’d been tangled together before. He tried to hold back weeping from the deep comfort that Kevin’s arms wrapped securely around his middle made him feel, but a few silent tears ran down his face and he hoped Kevin wouldn’t notice. 

“Good night.” He whispered back.

When he felt Kevin’s breath even out he couldn’t hold back and sobbed. He threaded his fingers through the hand that was draped over his chest. He wished he could live in his arms.


	9. Chapter 9

When Edd woke up he was wrenched from erotic dream into erotic reality. He gasped at Kevin’s hips grinding weakly against him. He’d been pulled back, no longer completely on his side, now he was held at an angle and Kevin’s morning wood had managed to be positioned _just_ so. Even through their sleep clothes the burning warmth of his member sliding against him made Edd bite his lip to keep from moaning out. He tried to extricate himself but rather than getting further away Kevin’s arms pulled him back and he heard a low rumble from the sleeping man. The motion of being yanked back against him gave a bit of power to the next jerky thrust and Edd whimpered.

Kevin had started to stir. He was so close and he grunted into the sweet warmth that he was pressing into. He heard a soft moan and opened his eyes to see Double D’s long mottled neck flushing pink as he was humped. The obvious way his body was reacting and the sexy little noises he was trying to keep quiet threw Kevin over the edge. He firmly thrusted one last time and held him tight across his chest, knowing this was wrong but unable to contain himself he moaned low and long into his ear. “Fuck, Double D.”

That had done it for him. Edd couldn’t hold back and gasped as he let go, making a mess of his sleep pants.

Kevin wasn’t really sure how he should proceed but that was the sexiest thing he’d ever seen. Edd coming undone, untouched, just from being dry humped. He wasn’t sure how he’d handle being fucked well and truly but licked his lips at the image. His dick twitched in overstimulation and he willed himself not to move.

Edd’s head swam as he sat up. As far as he could tell Kevin was still asleep but he was also freaking out, unable to focus enough to tell his breath wasn’t even. He knew he hadn’t misheard. Was Kevin having dirty dreams about _him?_

He gulped and chose to climb over the footboard of the bed to escape to the bathroom. Kevin pouted. He was hoping to have him try to roll over him. Maybe he’d have pretended to wake up with him on top of him and see where it led.

It still seemed too soon but he decided after something like this it would either get awkward or Edd would get too nervous to look at him. He figured he’d have to ask him out soon or lose his window of opportunity. The worry of this being too soon was present and he didn't want to push it but the choice was out of his hands now.

* * *

Edd for the most part had been trying to keep it together in the bathroom. He contemplated what exactly it meant that Kevin had said his name, ahem, mid-coitus. 

His touchiness did come across as overly flirty at times and the others guys on the team didn’t get the same treatment. And Nazz, actually everyone really, we’re of the opinion Kevin had feelings for him and it wouldn’t be a stretch to say Kevin seemed interested in a more than friendly physical relationship if this was anything to go off of. 

It was flattering to know that despite everything Kevin knew about him could still find Edd attractive. But that had to be as far as it went, right? I mean he found him trying to kill himself- that wasn't exactly relationship potential. 

But even just over the course of the week he’d made a lot of progress. Though that probably had more to do with the fact that he didn’t have to be alone constantly. Having someone around was like soothing balm on his attention starved heart. He worried that as soon as Kevin went home he’d relapse. But the guys on the team had made progress towards friendship. Nazz and Marta were making efforts to be close to him as well. And now that he was coming more out of his shell even a few of the other students had started talking to him, he might even be able to start sending letters to Ed. He was no longer the social pariah he’d become when he was Eddy’s lackey or when he’d caved in on himself and shut everyone out. Now he was welcomed warmly by his peers in a way he’d never imagined in his wildest dreams.

He looked at the healing mark on his neck. He felt both deeply regretful and yet incredibly thankful for his blunder. His eyes went up to look at his face. His pale pallor had become closer to the more lively olive complexion he’d had before he locked himself away. The purpling under his eyes had faded and, while it would take awhile to put on the weight he’d dropped, he was making good progress. 

All of that had all been thanks to his failed attempt. If he’d died that day he wouldn’t have any of this, but had he not attempted he would still be as he was. Alone and miserable. It was truly thanks to Kevin finding him though. A stroke of luck in his otherwise bleak life.

He remembered Kevins words- _Be nicer to yourself_. 

Okay, what if Kevin was more than passingly interested in him? Would they date? Kevin seemed unfazed when people assumed they were together. Edd had been the one to deny it first every time. He’d only ever shrug and back up whatever Edd said. Maybe… maybe it wasn’t too far fetched to think that he’d liked the assumption and didn’t mind because he _wanted_ to date him.

Even if it was just a small chance he wanted to take it. He wanted to get better. For his own sake sure, but also to see where that could lead. He couldn’t be with someone while he was like this though. He needed help. Real professional help. He was sure later he’d want to back out but right now… he wanted it. Before he could change his mind he picked up his phone.

* * *

Edd felt lighter than he had in a long time. When he returned to the room he’d nearly forgotten the incident. He’d also, of course, changed underwear.

“Hey.” Kevin said, gauging how Edd would react, he seemed distracted but it didn’t seem to be from the dark fog that sometimes swallowed him up.

Edd blushed bright red as he remembered why he’d ran from the room. He was still embarrassed but he’d also taken a big step and wanted to share that with the person who inspired his change.

“Hey.” He smiled shyly and fidgeted. Kevin was relieved he didn’t seem upset.

Kevin remembered the nervous look he had when he’d wanted a hug and took a chance. He patted the bed next to him in invitation and Edd gulped but went for it, climbing over him and laying close. Kevin was surprised Edd seemed so… relaxed about what happened. Maybe he’d noticed he’d been awake and realized what that meant.

“So. I did something.”

“Yeah?” Kevin asked.

“Yeah.” Edd was messing with a loose thread on Kevin’s shirt. “I uh… I have a therapy appointment… next week.”

Kevin stared wide eyed. “Really?”

“Yeah. I… thank you. I just wanted to say that. I don’t think I would have ever even considered it if it wasn’t for you.”

Kevin pulled Edd in by the back of his neck and kissed him. He couldn’t hold back anymore and he didn’t care if it was the right time or place. He was just so happy and relieved and every moment not kissing him felt like a waste of time. 

The slight morning stubble scratched against Edd’s skin and it made everything feel so much more vivid.

Edd breathed a soft moan and closed his eyes. When Kevin pulled back Edd whimpered and chased his lips. Kevin cupped his jaw and kissed him again, tilting their faces to deepen the soft kiss. After a few minutes Edd put his hand on Kevin’s chest and applied a little bit of pressure, enough to ask for a moment but not pulling away. Kevin broke the kiss but his hands stayed cupping Edd's face gently.

“I’m assuming that’s approval?” He said softly, pleased and smiling.

“I’m so proud of you.”

Edd chuckled. “So you go around kissing your teammates whenever they score a goal?”

“You caught me.” Kevin snorted, then softer added, “I like you.” He laid another little peck onto Edd’s lips. “Go out with me?”

“Hmm. Let me think.” Edd teased, kissing back a little firmer. Kevin made a delighted noise. “Of course.” He whispered.

“I’m surprised that you aren’t more freaked out by earlier.” 

Edd went beet red. “You were _awake?_ ”

“Only at the end.” 

“W-when you moaned my name?”

“Mmhm. I will admit that dream was about you though.” He ran his thumb over Edd’s plump bottom lip and smirked, wondering what kind of shy reaction he'd get from the pretty boy he was holding.

Edd’s eyes fell to Kevin's lips and he swiped his tongue over the digit. “Wanna see about reenacting said dream?”

Finally Kevin was the one red faced and speechless. 

“Was that too forward?” Edd asked, embarrassed about what he’d said after a beat.

“No that was _hot_.”

“O-oh?” 

He grabbed Double D’s ass, excited to have been practically handed an invitation to touch. “Think you can handle it?”

“Only one way to find out.” He tittered happily as Kevin rolled him into his back to continue making out. Kevin had to admit he was surprised at how quickly Edd was ready to go, especially since he’d definitely came before he’d fled to the bathroom barely 10 minutes ago, but he liked the confidence that Edd was showing and vowed to reward it in full. First though he had a mission.

“I’m gonna cover this up.” Kevin said, grazing his finger across the fading but still obvious rope mark. “When you look at it you’ll only be able to see how much I love you.”

Edd shuddered and nodded as the redhead dropped his head into the crook of Edd's neck and started to kiss, gently at first but soon he was biting marks into the tender flesh as Edd quivered under him in pleasure. He was afraid to bring up Kevin’s casual use of the word love because it was intoxicating. Maybe a bit intimidating but he couldn’t even remember his parents telling him they loved him outside of notes. Love was a powerful word for him and he couldn’t lie that it made him quiver with arousal.

Kevin continued to lavish Edd’s neck, only pausing to pull off their shirts. He lightly ran his finger tips up and down his sides, occasionally reaching down and groping him as he worked on covering his pale throat in love bites. Edd didn’t know how sensitive his neck was until it was being licked and sucked at.

“You like that baby?” Kevin whispered at his sweet moans.

Edd’s eyes glazed over and he bucked his hips. “O-oh.” 

Kevin noticed how much the endearment had affected him. He chuckled. “Eager, pet?” 

He whimpered as Kevin bit down on the skin under his ear. ‘Pet’ was even more titillating. The implication of _ownership_ left Edd weak and whimpering. Kevin started palming Edd’s erection through his sleep clothes and peppering sweet talk between his kisses.

“Off.” Edd whispered in reference to the rest of their clothes. Without removing his mouth the jock pulled down Edd’s pants. He took his dick in hand and started to rub his thumb across the head. 

He looked down at the twitching cock in his hand and groaned. “Every part of you is so sexy.” 

Edd let out a surprised moan and went to cover his mouth but before he could Kevin growled.

“Fuck babe. That’s so hot. Keep moaning for me.” 

Edd gasped at the command. The hand he was going to put over his mouth instead went to the back of Kevin’s head and he moaned again when Kevin bit down hard on over one of the darker spots.

“Kevin. Please.” He whimpered. Kevin just picked up speed on pumping him.

“It’s okay babe. Cum for me.” He whispered into his ear. 

“I wanna touch you too. Please.” Edd whined.

Kevin groaned. He wasn’t sure he would be able to get it back up so quickly but that request did it. He gave a final lick at Edd’s neck and pulled back to take off his own pants. He tossed them on the ground before going back to grind himself onto Edd. 

“You drive me crazy.” Kevin gasped. “I can’t get enough of you.”

Edd reached down and grabbed both of them and stroked them together. Kevin groaned and watched Edd’s face contort in pleasure. His eyes drifted lower, he’d done as he promised and while the rope burn was still obvious, there was a halo of kiss marks around it and Kevin was stricken with a possessive thrill. 

“You’re mine.” Kevin said in Edd’s ear.

“Yes.” Edd whimpered “Yours.” Kevin thrusted hard against him and bit down on his shoulder. That seemed to be the final straw, Edd keened as he spilled between them.

“Fuck D, baby, so good for me. All mine.” He babbled in an orgasmic haze as he teetered over the edge not long after.

After they caught their breath Kevin gave his boyfriend another long slow kiss before he picked him up. 

“I think it might be time for a shower.”

Kevin had to admit he was remarkably excited to shower with Edd. The cubicle was small but he was determined to touch every inch of his new boyfriend, absolutely enthralled he could call him that. He’d kissed Edd up against the wall and lathered up his body, messaging the soap into his skin with great care. When he’d gotten to his legs he’d dropped to his knees. 

Seeing Edd like this left him breathless and he took a moment to just take in the view of Edd, flush and looking down at him, neck covered in love bites and eyes half lidded.

“What?” Edd asked, embarrassed at the way he’d just stared up at him with reverence.

“I love you.” Kevin said without hesitation.

Edd blushed down to his shoulders. “Don’t you think that’s a bit soon?” 

“No.” He continued to rub down Edd’s legs, only looking away to make sure he was thorough with cleaning him. “Even if it wasn’t romantic, It is- but If it wasn’t, we’ve known each other for almost our entire lives. I think it makes sense. At least to me.”

“I don’t know if I can say it back yet.” Edd said with a bit of trepidation.

“That’s okay.” He kissed Edd’s hip. “Is it okay if I keep saying it to you?”

Edd melted. The fact he cared enough to ask and make sure he was comfortable sent a pleasant chill up his spine. He cupped Kevin’s face. “Yes.”

Kevin kissed his palm. “I love you.”

“Kiss me?” Edd asked, his ocean blue eyes glazed over with adoration.

Kevin stood and kissed him again. Edd let himself relax into the soft and loving embrace. Until Kevin pulled back and squeezed some shampoo into his hand. 

“I wanna wash your hair.”

Edd was dazed from the sweet kiss and nodded. 

Kevin took care of Edd with devoted enthusiasm and by the time he was done Edd had been shaking. Being loved by Kevin felt almost like a religious experience and he was the deity. 

By the end of the pampering Edd was out of it. The amount of attention he was getting was nearly too much, he’d barely, if ever, been told he was loved, and he’d definitely never _felt_ it. So Kevin showering him with the kind of physical affection that was an unmistakable gesture of love sent shockwaves through his system and was sending his mind drifting in and out of his body. 

“Are you okay?”

Edd hummed and slumped into Kevin. After coming back to his senses he was nuzzling Kevin’s neck and his scar was being kissed.

“You’re back.” Kevin said, his face held a trace of worry but he also had a curious smile. “Good?”

“Perfect even.” Edd sighed. He wanted to return that feeling of being completely taken care of. After another moment to get his body back to being his and he steadied himself. 

“Your turn.” 

He found it wonderfully relaxing to wash another person. Showers were always his favorite part of the day, the ritual of cleanliness and the tranquil feeling of warm water was something he’d always treasured and returning the favor of taking care of someone was indescribable. 

He’d taken care to clean him thoroughly as he could. He’d spent extra time and patience getting under his blunt nails and messaging the knots in his neck away.

When he’d finished Kevin sighed out another declaration of love and Edd had to admit he was much closer to saying it back then he thought he’d been. 

“Would it be too soon after, well, earlier to ask you to… enter me?” Edd had said with as much tact as he could. He couldn’t bring himself to be embarrassed after such an intimate encounter though.

“Fuck that’s a hot image.” Kevin growled. “But I think I want to save that for another day.”

Edd tilted his head “Oh?”

“Gotta give you something to look forward to, but also do you have any lube or condoms?” He raised an eyebrow in question.

Edd’s cheeks glowed red. “We… can go get some.”

“Maybe later, right now though I’d be more than happy to enter you in other ways.” He slid his fingers down to message his puckered entrance and licked at one of his pink nipples. They had all day to explore each other and Kevin planned to take full advantage of it.

“T-that works.” Edd stuttered.

Being fingered by someone else was completely different then doing it himself. He was more than a bit overwhelmed when Kevin had found his prostate and proceeded to abuse it. Pressing against it with every thrust of his fingers. He bit down on his pebbled nipple and his hole clenched down on the probing fingers. After an orgasm that left Edd gasping and clinging to Kevin he was no longer able to hold himself up and slid to the floor. 

Kevin’s harness was in front of him and before he could think about cleanliness or become self conscious, still deep in his afterglow, he’d licked up the shaft and sucked him in as deep as he could. 

“Holy-ffffuck. Babe.” Kevin had nearly whimpered. He wasn’t expecting it and bucked into his mouth. Edd, despite his lack of experience, had taken it to the back of his throat much better than he’d expected and swallowed around it in surprise. 

Kevin was about to cum embarrassingly fast down Edd’s throat if he didn’t stop. He tried to pull back but when he’d bucked Edd grabbed his hips to still him and wouldn’t let go. 

“Stop- f-fuck! Gonna cum.” He tried to warn.

Edd moaned around his cock and pulled back only just in time for him to mostly fill his mouth with his spunk instead of his throat. Edd let go and another string of semen shot across his face.

The blissed out expression Edd wore alongside the myriad of love bites and the white stripe of cum that splattered across his cheek, he was the very image of debauchery and Kevin twitched in pleasure, another sudden string hit Edd’s full lips. 

Edd contemplated the flavor of his mouthful and after finding it acceptable enough he swallowed and licked the excess from his lips. 

“Not as bad as I was led to believe.” He said in a throaty voice.

“God, you’re beautiful,” Kevin moaned, “and all mine.” He ran his thumb through the cum on his cheek and brought it down to Edd’s mouth. He sucked the finger into his mouth wantonly.

“Mmmm.” He moaned around the finger before Kevin removed it to stroke Edd’s face. “All yours.” He said with a shiver. 

Kevin rinsed off Edd’s face with a bit of regret. He loved seeing himself painted across Edd like a brand. 

“Look at me babe.” He said holding Edd’s jaw.

Edd opened his eyes and they were cloudy, still in some sort of floaty head space.

“Need help standing?” He asked.

Edd reached his arms up and Kevin helped him to his feet.


	10. Chapter 10

The weekend passed in a blur of pleasure. It had been spent alternating between doing other activities like homework, eating meals, and watching TV, and having sex on every available surface. Kevin kept good on his word of waiting till he could safely penetrate him but that didn’t stop him from fingering and licking Edd open on the coffee table or against the door. Or in the kitchen. Or the bedroom. Really every room. Even once in the laundry room. They’d visited Kevin’s house to switch out some clothes and Edd had pushed Kevin onto the bed and gave him a quick handjob in his room too. He approched sex like it was an acidemic subject and Edd was _very_ good at acidemics. 

By the time for bed Sunday Edd had gotten remarkably good at giving head and Kevin never knew tongues could get so sore. Though it didn’t stop him from eating Edd out again, laying in bed, with his round ass in the air. He was screaming into a pillow as Kevin’s fingers and tongue worked together to drive him crazy. When he’d been flipped over and sucked down to the root he saw spots. As he came down from the sex high he laid in the circle of Kevin’s arms. 

“I don’t know if I can handle this sort of thing every day, but this was…” Edd sighed with a dreamy smile, “very nice.”

“I love your smile.” Kevin said, kissing the corner of his mouth. “I hope I get to see it every day.”

Edd shoved his shoulder lightly and then rested his warming face against him. “You really are a Casanova. Where’d you learn to be such a romantic.”

Kevin laughed. “Nowhere. Just saying how I feel.”

“If I didn’t know how sincere you were I would call you corny. But I like it.”

Kevin chuckled and brushed his hand across Edd’s cheek and ran his hand down to his neck to thumb the fading bruise. It had been nearly completely taken over by hickies but it was still undeniably from a rope. In a few more days it would probably be ambiguous enough though.

“You’re never going to be able to wear anything but turtlenecks.”

“Truly.” He laughed. 

Both of them were anticipating and dreading the approaching Monday. After a week of denying they were together they were bound to get a lot of attention coming out, at least from their friends. The rest of school had never been set right, which worked well enough and they were hoping it would be old news by tomorrow.

Edd had thought about texting Marta about the recent development. They’d been messaging back and forth but he wasn’t sure how close or personal he should be with her. He never really texted anyone like this.

“Well having you go to school in my shirt would have been a good way to show everyone we’re dating but we already did that.” Kevin said with a cocky grin.

“You did that on purpose!” Edd pinched Kevin’s side.

“Oh, absolutely.” He laughed and grabbed him around the waist and nipped his ear.

“If you liked me why didn’t you say anything earlier?” 

“I just wanted to make sure you had more than just me. I was afraid I would be taking advantage of you and didn’t want you to feel like you had to accept my feelings or be alone again.”

Edd bit his lip. Kevin’s upstanding morality was sexy, he rolled Kevin over onto his back. “How about I mark _you_ up. Then tomorrow everyone can connect the dots.”

Kevin licked his lips. “I like that option.”

Edd’s eyes hooded and he started sucking a mark into his neck. 

“Fuck, babe.” He grabbed a handful of Edd’s ass and kneaded.

Edd moaned and bit down at the feeling.

Kevin seemed to _really_ enjoy that because he grinded up into Edd and gasped.

Edd leaned back to look at his handy work. “If I’d known you liked that so much I’d have been doing it all weekend.

“I didn’t know either.” Kevin panted.

Edd smiled and palmed him through his pants. “Mmm want me to keep doing that?”

“Fuck yeah.” He moaned. 

Several hickies and an orgasm later Edd was proud. He’d been enjoying taking an active roll. Kevin was very good at making Edd into a whimpering mess and nothing could compete but there was something indescribable about turning the tables on him.

“Want me to return the favor?” Kevin asked, enthusiastic despite being in his post orgasmic haze. Edd cleaned off his hand with a tissue and threw it away. He knew he'd just eaten him out but it wouldn't be the first time in the last two days he gave him back to back orgasms.

“I don’t think I could handle any more tonight.” He yawned and laid on Kevin’s chest.

“What day is your session?” 

It took a moment to remember what Kevin was talking about but recalled his therapy appointment. Another thing to both anticipate and dread. “Tuesday. It’s not too far from the school. Still might have to take a bus though.”

“Nazz’s car should be fixed by then. I bet she’d give you a ride.”

“Hmm. I’ll ask.”

“Sleepy?”

“You’ve worn me out.” He said. 

“Tomorrow’s gonna be a lot.” Kevin combed his hand through Edd’s hair.

“I’m worried about whatever Eddy has up his sleeve.” Edd sighed.

“He won’t do shit. I’ll make sure of it.”

“Hmm.” Edd sighed. “He’ll still try. He’s never been very smart.”

“I’m gonna grab water and a snack. Want anything?”

Edd rolled off him. “Mm. Water would be nice. Maybe a granola bar.”

“Got it babe.” He gave a peck to his cheek. Edd smiled and pulled Kevin back for a more full kiss. He couldn’t stop himself, he loved Kevin’s penchant for pet names.

“Maybe you aren’t as tired as you thought.” Kevin laughed, as he put on sweatpants.

“Hm, I am but I could make out all night.”

Kevin grinned wide. “I’ll be right back for that.” 

Downstairs he filled two cups and grabbed some snacks while humming a tune to himself. He was having the best weekend of his life. Taking care of Edd was divine and Edd's growing confidence in the bedroom drove him wild. It was a pleasant surprise to have him take to sex like a duck to water. And it wasn’t just sex either. The spent hours and hours just kissing. 

One memory he knew he’d hold onto was when Edd started getting ready to deep clean the house and Kevin offered to do the kitchen because he was the last to cook. When Edd came in after cleaning the living room to check on his progress Kevin had just finished mopping and he’d apparently done such a good job Edd had backed him into the sink and kissed him until he was breathless and then went back to vacuuming as if nothing happened. 

He was understandably nervous to go further with him though, he'd never gone that far and worried about hurting him. He’d watched his fair share of porn and looked it up but there were constant warnings in articles about how much it could hurt the first time. Edd seemed to take being fingered very well though. He decided he'd get the supplies while Edd was in therapy and let him take the reins from there. Though he fully expected him to be too emotionally exhausted to take him up on it the day of. He would at least give him the option.

He looked to the window for a moment to take in the silent stillness of night but it wasn’t as still as it should have been. Someone was creeping in the front yard. He paused and placed his snacks on the table and squinted out into the darkness.

That was definitely Eddy sneaking around outside. He'd recognize the short pudgy silhouette anywhere.

“What the fuck?” Kevin whispered. Eddy tried to look casual as he looked around before going around the side of the house. Kevin was absolutely sure he was going to the backyard. He hid in the kitchen where the back door was in view and sure enough the asshole had made his way there. 

He messed with the handle while shoving a thin flat piece of metal into the jam until the lock popped open. He took off his shoes to move silently and looked around as he snuck past the kitchen and into the living room. He didn’t see Kevin standing in the shadows and passed by him without so much as a glance. 

Kevin had no idea what Eddy thought he was going to do but he shoulder checked the weasel as he peeked around the corner. 

Eddy noticed the snacks and water out of place on the table and realized he wasn't alone just a moment too late. He yelped as he was thrown to the ground, the makeshift lockpick skittered across the floor with a sound and out of view.

Kevin drove his knee between his shoulder blades and Eddy started shouting while trying to buck him off. He’d managed to get Kevin slightly off kilter and tried to knock him down but Kevin, being more athletic, caught his balance and twisted one of Eddy’s arms around his back.

The loud thrashing had alerted Edd to the intrusion and he came down the stairs in Kevin’s shirt, holding a magnifying glass like a bat.

“What’s going on?” He said in shock.

Eddy was subdued and shouting obscenities at the bottom of the stairwell and Edd’s blood ran cold and he dropped his makeshift weapon.

“Let me go you stupid piece of shit!” Eddy yelled.

“What are you doing in my house?” Edd asked in a high frightened voice.

Eddy stopped flailing and looked at Edd. In nothing but an oversized shirt and briefs and a huge odd shaped bruise covering his neck like a collar. He’d barely registered what’d just happened but it was undeniably Kevin holding him down. 

“Wouldn’t the school just love to know their perfect star athlete likes to choke his little boyfriend, is that what you’re into?” He jeered.

Edd’s hand went to his throat, but looked at Kevin, knowing Eddy would just continue to spit insults.

“I saw him break in through the back door. He jimmied the lock open.”

“Explain yourself or I’m calling the cops.” Edd shook with malice and though he loathed to admit it, fear.

“Fuck! I was just gonna scare you a little! Fuck up the house to rattle you! Just a fucking prank! I didn’t think you’d be slutting it up on a Sunday night before school!”

“You mean you were going to break and enter my house to harass and menace me? You know that’s jail time. Much worse than the punishment you let Ed take for you.”

Eddy stilled but his face twisted in an ugly sneer. “What the fuck do you know.”

“I know you were using him to deliver drugs for you, and I know you didn’t stand up for him. You _let_ him take the fall. The only reason I can’t see my _best friend_ is because you’re a rat!” Edd’s voice raised in anger and he was going to start hyperventilating. He stormed down the steps to stand in front of Eddy and he flinched like he thought Edd would kick him. 

When no such thing came Eddy looked up and at this distance he could see the plain fury on his face but what just looked like a bruise was now much clearer and it wasn’t just hickies, and they were very much not hand shaped.

“Ed and I stood by you for years while you made mistake after mistake and pushed away everyone! You turned us into social pariahs because we were your friends. But when it came time to speak up and admit you screwed up you let him be the one to take the fall! You tossed aside the only people who could stand you and now you’re here to continue making the same mistakes you always make. I can’t believe I ever let you have so much control over my life! Even while you weren’t there. You don’t even know the torture you put me through. If breaking into my house to destroy it is adequate recompense for insulting you then what do you think I should do to you for everything you’ve done to me and Ed?”

Eddy stared in shocked silence as Edd stood angrily expecting an answer.

“What the fuck is up with your neck?” Was all he could think to say.

Edd’s angry face twisted into a sardonic thin lipped smile, if that’s what he wants to talk about- fine. “You like my handiwork?” He asked, he dragged his hand up to his throat and presented his neck like he was wearing a diamond necklace. Kevin didn’t like the dark look that took over Edd’s face but didn’t dare let Eddy go. “It’s fading now, but it was meant to be a little more _permanent_." He spat. "You know, you featured pretty prominently in my suicide note. Too bad for you Kevin caught me. You might have gotten your 15 minutes of fame off of it.”

Eddy turned sheet white. “What?” He asked, more quiet then Edd had ever heard him.

“You didn’t notice I redecorated.” He motioned to where the hanging light once was. “Couldn’t handle the weight. Pity, isn’t it?” 

Edd gave a humorless laugh at Eddy’s horror-filled expression. 

“You’ve always been like this. I should never have gotten so invested in your friendship. I let myself get isolated enough that when you tossed me aside I had no one and nothing. You did the same to Ed and I just hope you know I will never forgive you. I warned you before and yet here you are. I should let Kevin make good on his threats but I’m going to let you leave my house in one piece. Do _not_ expect this kindness for a third time.”

Edd nodded at Kevin to let Eddy go. He wasn’t happy about it one bit but this was Edd’s battle and he’d let him call the shots. When he was released Eddy didn’t immediately bolt though.

“Is… is that true? About the…” he made a motion like he was strangling himself.

“What? Remorseful? Or do you think I owe you an explanation?”

“I… I didn’t think you’d-“

“Didn’t think? Of course you didn’t! I always had to be the one to do that for you!” Edd was starting to feel sick from the stress and anger and he lurched forward as though to slap Eddy but staggered and nearly fell. His physical exhaustion from their strenuous weekend didn’t help.

Kevin couldn’t watch anymore without stepping in. Edd’s face had drained of color and beads of sweat were gathering on his brow. When he staggered Kevin came beside him and helped steady his furious boyfriend.

“Babe.” He whispered. “He’s not worth it.” He cupped his face and tilted it so Kevin was all he could see. 

Eddy backed away from the scene. He’d never seen Double D look so angry. And Kevin being the voice of calming reason didn’t make any sense. He’d have expected to be being wailed on right about now, but somehow he was being let go. 

He wanted to sneer at Edd’s false superiority at pretending to be the bigger person yet again but the ugly marr of purple, green, and yellow on his ex-friend's neck made him realize how little that had to do with it. He was being let go because Edd was the kind of person to always take the pain onto himself. He’d always bailed him out and he was still doing it even after being hurt by him. He didn't really know what to do with this revelation.

“You’re right.” Edd said, as coldly as he had before. His eyes slid back to Eddy. “I’ve already entertained you for too much of my life.”

Eddy pursed his lips but followed instruction and left, grabbing his ratty sneakers from the backyard before bolting.

Kevin felt Edd’s face, he was clammy from the exertion. “You’re cold. Come here.” He sat him on the couch and handed him one of the glasses he’d left on the coffee table. He wrapped his arm around him to try and warm him up.

Edd drank half of it but had started shaking so bad he couldn’t hold it without sloshing it onto himself.

Kevin rubbed his arm to warm him with the friction. “It’s okay babe. I’m here.”

Edd hadn’t realized he’d started crying. Tears ran down his face and he tried to wipe them as they came. “I’m sorry. I didn’t even- I don’t-“ he sobbed.

“Shhh shhh. I love you so much babe, you were so strong. It’s okay.”

“Make me forget?” He asked in such a sad voice Kevin would have done anything for him. The hand he placed on Kevin’s bicep made it obvious exactly how he wanted to be distracted.

Kevin laid him down on the couch and kissed him deeply. Edd wrapped himself around Kevin and sighed in relief.

He kissed down his lover’s mottled neck. “Love you.” Kevin whispered and pulled his shirt off his boyfriend’s thin frame. 

“Kevin.” Edd shivered.

“What do you want, baby?”

Edd thought about asking to finally be entered, lube and condoms be damned but he knew what he really needed.

“Hold me down. I want you to control me.”

Kevin stroked Edd’s wet cheek, wiping away the tears. He didn't know if it would be good or healthy to take control away from him when he was so fragile but the look on his face, the begging, beseeching eyes that pleaded with him to let him have a break from reality for a bit and get lost in physical pleasure. “If that’s what you need.”

He held Edd down with his body and continued to kiss him. He reached down to slip his hand down the front of his briefs. Once he’d succeeded in getting him hard, a feat after such a harrowing ordeal, he moved back and pulled them off along with his shirt. Edd whimpered at the lack of contact.

He slid off his own pants in one fluid motion and grabbed Edd’s legs to readjust their position.

“Oh.” Edd gasped. His knees were pushed into his chest. “Are you going to…?” 

“Not yet baby. But don’t worry,” He held Edd’s legs together and slid his erection between them. “I think you’ll still like this.”

Kevin’s hardness glided against Edd’s. “Squeeze your legs together.” He directed.

Edd did and Kevin grunted. “Fuck. So hot. Cant wait to fuck you. Gonna make it so good for you.”

“O-Oh!” Edd moaned. Kevin leaned over to rest his hands on his shoulders. He put pressure on him to hold him down as he thrusted into his thighs. 

“Please,” Edd whispered, “Tell me I’m yours. Own me.”

“Yeah baby, you’re all mine aren’t you? So good for me.” Kevin could barely hold himself together at that. He started thrusting harder. He'd been worried he was being possessive and clingy, after that first time he had refrained from saying anything like that again, worried and embarrassed about how it must have come off. Even if Edd had seemed into it in the moment. But having him request to be owned reaffirmed Kevin of how well they fit. 

They frotted together and Edd let himself get swept up in the pleasure of the weight of Kevin draped over him, thrusting his hips like he would if he was inside him. Every thrust their lengths rubbed together and it made Edd shake.

Edd’s eyes glazed over and Kevin was starting to get close. His precum acted as a lube and the closer they got the more smooth his jerky thrusting became. Kevin leaned forward and pumped his hips harder, the change in angle and position made everything more intense and he picked up speed. He grabbed Edd’s wrists and used them as leverage to thrust harder. His hands being bound had blanked Edd's mind and all he could feel was the intense pleasure of where their bodies touched. 

With a shout Kevin spilled onto Edd’s chest and stomach. Edd was so close and at the loss of friction he tossed his head from side to side.

“Nnnn-need more!” He cried out.

Kevin gathered some of his seed off of Edd’s chest and used it to slide two fingers into him. He’d gotten a pretty good idea exactly where his prostate was over the course of the weekend and curled his fingers. 

At the sudden intrusion he let out a throaty scream and released. He’s legs shook with exertion and he felt raw, like his whole body was one giant open nerve.

Kevin held him and pet his head and peppering him in kisses interspersed with declarations of “Mine” and “So good” until Edd’s shaking became only the occasional quiver of his body.

“We’re gonna need to rinse off.” Kevin said. As he’d held him their spunk had mixed together on their chests and now they both had it smeared on them.

Edd was pliant and loose but looked content. It was a lot like when they showered before, drifting dreamily on cloud 9. Cleaning up could wait, Kevin decided and prompted Edd to take another sip of water and eat something small to get up his blood sugar. Edd obeyed, happy to take direction. 

“You feeling good baby?” Kevin kissed his temple, the calm settling in after the storm of emotions.

“Mmhm.” Edd closed his eyes in pleasure, he could barely muster up the ability to speak. He felt like the world was covered in a thick layer of snow, blocking out the swirling emotions just under the surface. Stifling them like winter does the grass. He knew the snow would melt soon and his problems would spring back like perennial flowers, but for now he enjoyed being blanketed in a quiet serenity. 

After he’d managed to eat the granola bar Kevin led him to the bathroom and sat him down to wet a washcloth, surprised at how long Edd had gone without complaint of the mess. 

“Hey, love, it’s gonna be cold.” He warned before wiping him off.

“Love you too.” Edd said softly. His faculties were slowly coming back and he was feeling light and happy and so, _so_ , full of love.

Kevin paused. Edd was looking at him like he’d hung the moon. He couldn’t stop himself and kissed up his shoulder, neck, face, and lips.

“You might regret saying that when you aren’t so out of it.”

“Mmm. Probably. But right now I’m not afraid to say it to you.” He yawned. “Love you.” He mumbled after.

“I love you too. So much.” He replied against his lips.

It was way past his usual bedtime and when they laid down Edd was asleep before he hit the pillow. 


	11. Chapter 11

Edd groggily opened his eyes and was face to face with a sleeping Kevin, rather than Kevin being the one clinging to him, he found himself wrapped tightly around his larger boyfriend. He glanced at the clock. He had time for his shower but knew it would be a rush. He kissed Kevin’s cheek and enjoyed the rough texture of his morning stubble before moving to get up.

“Mmm, Hey.” Kevin hummed, opening his eyes. 

“Morning.” He answered. 

“What time is it?” 

“Almost 7.” 

“Maybe we can take the day.” Kevin suggested with a sleepy but sultry smile.

“Tempting as that is I’m kind of looking forward to telling our friends about us.”

Kevin smiled at the use of 'our.' “Especially since everyone gets to see your claim.” 

Edd looked down at the hickies he’d left and licked his lips. Last night they were pale. Today they were much darker and the imprint of his teeth was noticeable, the gap between the front teeth an obvious indication that they couldn’t be from anyone else. 

“Oh…” he gulped. “Wow.” 

“You like them?” He grinned at Edd’s reaction.

“Maybe too much.” He answered. He rubbed his thumb over the darkest one. 

“Are you still worried about Eddy?”

He grimaced. “Yes, but in a different way. I can’t believe he came over here.”

“Think he’ll try anything else?”

“After yesterday… no, but I am scared he’ll tell someone.” He rubbed his own bruised neck.

Kevin leaned in to nuzzle the mark. “It’ll be okay. I think he knows you have too much on him.” He said into the side of his neck. He kissed the rope burn, sucking the skin lightly.

“Stop that.” He sighed, but didn’t push him away. 

He kept kissing, slowly rolling his boyfriend onto his back.

“I-I need to shower.”

He continued up his neck to nibble his ear and framed him in with his arms. “Then I better get you dirty now.”

“We’re gonna be late.” Edd whined.

“I guess you should go take your shower then.” He grinned but didn’t move.

Edd huffed in frustration. He sat up and licked a stripe up Kevin’s neck and bit down. 

“Oh fuck.” He moaned. He let Edd guide him to sitting and Edd used the distraction to slip out of bed. 

“Sneaky.” He laughed.

Edd gathered his things and Kevin enjoyed the view. Neither of them put their clothes back on after last night and he was reaping the benefits.

“God your ass is perfect.” He slowly started to pump himself while staring.

Edd whimpered at the sight, after two days of non-stop sex he was hornier then hed ever been, he’d expected he’d cool down after a bit but his sex drive had only increased and Kevin wasn’t helping. “Horndog.”

“If you’re quick I’ll suck you off before we go.” 

He made a noise in his throat. “Can’t you wait until after school.” 

“I wouldn’t be able to pay attention. I’d be too busy thinking about how much I wanna fuck you, what do you think? Open you up with my fingers? Or mouth first?”

He threw his towel at him. “Stop it. We need to get ready.”

“I could get in the shower with you.” He held the cloth out of reach. “Multitasking.”

Edd tried to take his towel back with an eye roll, but a smile graced his face. “We have 30 minutes until we absolutely need to be out the door.”

“Sounds like a challenge.” Kevin grabbed a handful of Edd’s ass and his resolve wavered.

“10 minutes in the shower, no more.”

“What do I get if I can do it.”

“What exactly do you want?”

“How about a quickie during lunch?”

Edd slapped Kevin’s shoulder. “Absolutely not. I won’t get caught canoodling at _school!_ ”

“Canoodling?” He laughed. “Who even says that?”

“I do, now give me my towel.”

“Fine fine.” He smiled. “I just wanna get my mouth on you, sucking your dick is it’s own reward.”

“Lost your chance.” He slipped away with his towel. “After school.”

“Fine, I’ll just have to jerk it in here while thinking about eating your ass out.” He made a fake sigh of lamentation.

“Stop it.” He blushed, as weak as he was to dirty talk he found the strength to leave the room when he thought about breaking his perfect attendance record.

* * *

When they finally got out of the house they took Kevin’s bike. It was faster and Nazz had gotten her car back over the weekend so she’d left before them. They had just enough time to make an appearance at the table the group sat at before class started. 

Most of the friend group didn’t get together before class but the ones who did waved tiredly at them. When they saw Kevin’s neck though they whistled. Kevin put his arm around Edd’s waist and dipped him at the teasing heckling. Edd made a little ‘eep’ and clung to Kevin’s by his shoulders when he was suddenly swept backwards. The kiss they shared was quick and sweet but Edd still swatted his shoulder for bringing so much attention to them in front of the whole cafeteria. Though the morning crowd seemed to be more quiet and contained then at lunch.

Tray and Nazz whooped and Mic slapped his hand on the table and grumbled about expecting them to wait another week and placed a $10 bill into Trays hand.

“Finally. Now that you’re actually telling people, When did it happen?” Marta asked. She elbowed herself into the group from the neighboring table she sat at with her other friends.

“Saturday.” Kevin responded. He’d righted Edd and kept his arm firmly around him. “And now I can kiss him whenever I want.” 

“Aww.” Nazz cooed. Marta gagged playfully. 

“You should have told me! I can’t believe we’ve been texting all weekend and you never mentioned it!” 

“I’m still getting used to texting. I don’t really understand the etiquette.”

Marta laughed in his face. “Etiquette? What the fuck?"

“I’m sorry I have manners.” He said with sass.

She pinched his side and he yelped and swatted her hand away.

“Hey Kev, is that what he sounds like in bed?” 

Edd pinched her back and she shoved her knee into the back of his and he nearly fell except for Kevin’s arm around him. They continued their little play fight until Tray decided to join in on Edd’s side and Marta gave up. Kevin watched and chuckled and only joined in to make sure Edd didn’t actually fall over. 

The bell rang and Kevin kissed Edd on the cheek. “See you later babe.” 

He waved shyly as him, Tray, and Mic were about to head to their class and Edd scurried to join them. 

“So how did it happen?” Mic asked, hoping to recoup his losses on when they’d come out. Of course they had multiple bets running about their love life.

“I think that’s a bit private.” He said. He wasn’t exactly sure how to explain how it happened without wading into possibly dangerous waters, nor did he wish to recount their sexual escapade to his new friends. 

Tray nudged him with a smirk. “That dirty?”

Edd’s cheeks flushed. In a way it _did_ happen because of a dirty dream. 

“Really? Kevin’s usually the type to wait.” Mic said with surprise.

“I mean Frank said Friday he was practically drooling over him.” Tray responded to Mic with a snicker. “He said when Nazz called you flexible he basically jizzed in his pants. Guessing he got to get really acquainted with your flexibility.”

Edd’s light flush turned bright red. “That is not appropriate conversation for school.”

“That wasn’t a denial.” Mic laughed.

He looked away but felt incredibly flattered. Kevin had told him a lot how attractive he found every part of him over the weekend. But the fact he told other people made him feel giddy. Kevin really had no reservations about being with him. 

“It… was not.”

They both cracked playful jabs at his expense. He laughed along. They were happy for him and their banter felt like he was really a part of their group.

“Jokes aside, You two seem happy together. That first day he introduced you to us, you looked like you wanted to be anywhere else. I was kind of worried he was forcing you to be there. I’m glad you were just shy.” Mic recalled.

“I’m glad you gave him a chance.” Said Tray.

“I’m still having a hard time imagining why he would choose me, but I’m glad he did.” 

“Nah dude. It makes perfect sense. He’s a total soft boy, but unless you’ve been around him for awhile he seems like he’s just a typical jock. His last girlfriend broke up with him for being ‘too clingy _.’_ She didn’t know him and just thought he was hot. He needs someone who doesn’t care about stuff like that and the fact you let him cling to you like a koala is proof that you’re perfect for him.”

“It also helps you’re cute as heck.” Mic pinched his cheek and Edd slapped his hand away.

“I’m sure.” He chuckled and smiled softly. “Well she was a fool for letting him go.”

“Aww- that’s so sweet I’m gonna barf.” Mic laughed.

* * *

Edd found that classes passed by slowly when you wanted to be somewhere else, like curled up in your boyfriend's arms. While he’d never do something so crass as sex at school, he might have gotten too used to skin contact over the weekend. 

When lunch finally came Kevin couldn’t have gotten to Edd’s class faster, he tried hard not to seem too eager but when he saw him having a conversation with Tray he wasn’t able to stop himself from scooping him up. 

“Whoa- hey!” Edd yelped. Kevin spun him and people in the halls watched as the jock started carrying his boyfriend. 

“Hey to you too, babe.”

“Put me down!” Edd wrapped his arms around his neck, afraid to fall.

“Hmm. Nah.” Kevin kissed his jaw. 

Edd blushed to his ears and Tray snorted behind his hand. 

“You both can’t go one day without touching can you?” 

“Like I’d want to.” Kevin scoffed. “We’ve barely been together three days. Well within the honeymoon period.”

“Are you going to put me down anytime soon?”

“Nope. I’m gonna carry you to lunch. Wanna go to the roof again?” He asked them both.

“I’m down for that.” Tray responded. 

“I’m not letting you carry me into the cafeteria.” He wriggled. “Let me down.”

“Fine. For a kiss.”

“You're incorrigible.” He said, putting his hand over Kevin’s puckered mouth.

He licked his palm and grinned as Edd pulled it back. “Eugh!” 

“Like I haven’t licked you all-“ Edd made a disapproving noise in his throat and locked his lips over Kevin’s to shut him up.

Tray cackled. “No, come on. I wanna know.”

Kevin grinned and placed Edd on the ground. “Kiss toll paid.” 

“You two are grossly cute.”

They’d gotten their lunches and a group to come up to the roof. Kevin had pulled Edd into his lap and while he felt a little awkward he made himself comfortable with only a light blush. While Edd had talked with Marta and the bubbly girl that had asked about them before lunch Friday, Kevin occasionally kissed his cheek or fed him something. He talked to his friends too but mostly he was just enjoying sitting with his boyfriend in the sun. He yawned, closed his eyes and hooked his chin on Edd’s shoulder when their food was gone. 

“Kevin.” Edd patted his boyfriend’s face when lunch was almost over. “Wake up.”

“Mmm. Hey beautiful.” He mumbled and nuzzled his nose into the crook under Edd’s ear.

Nazz laughed. “God he’s even a sap in his sleep.”

“Ugh. Who let a banshee in here.” Kevin huffed, not letting go. Nazz cackled but went back to talking to another cheerleader.

“Class is gonna start soon.” Edd said.

“Ugh. I don’t wanna go.”

Edd turned to whisper into Kevin’s ear, “Do good in class and maybe you’ll get a reward.”

Kevin moaned shallowly in his throat. “Fiiiine.”

Edd had noticed most of the others had filtered out and the other few who were still on the roof weren’t paying attention. He bit his lip and continued to speak in a whisper. 

“What do you want for your reward?”

Kevin shivered at the low sexy voice Edd used. His mouth went dry. “Wh- uh…” he gulped and looked around. No one was looking.

“Tell me.” His hand rubbed Kevin’s thigh.

He gulped. “God, fuck babe. I wanna suck you right out here.” His hands fell to Edds hips and he grinded into him. Edd turned his face to seal their lips together.

“Get a room.” Nazz threw a notebook at them.

Edd made a surprised noise at being caught out.

“I expected this from him but I can’t believe you let him corrupt you so much.” She poked fun at Edd. He looked away and his face burned.

“Oh please. If you had a girlfriend you’d be finger banging her all over the school.” Kevin mocked back.

“Psh.” She said. “Been there done that.”

Edd made a disapproving noise but knew he couldn’t say anything. After all he came far too close to letting Kevin rub himself off against him. 

“At least go to the bathroom to get off though.” She chided.

“I think I’d have a better chance at getting him off in an ice locker then a public restroom.” Kevin teased. 

“Can we not talk about this.” Edd pulled his hat over his eyes. 

The bell rang and Edd jumped.

“I’ll see you after class.” Edd turned to give him a kiss on the cheek before skittering off, relieved to have a reason to escape.

Nazz laughed at the dopey look that crossed Kevin’s face at the peck.

“You’re already whipped.” She slapped his back.

“Oh definitely.” Kevin said. “The definition of.”

“Glad you can admit it.” 

“Hey did Edd ask you about tomorrow when I was asleep?”

“No, what’s up?”

“He needs a ride, I’ll let him tell you why but I was wondering if you could also bring me to grab some groceries?”

“Sure. I need to pick up some stuff anyway. Should I bring you guys to class tomorrow too?”

“If you don’t mind.” Kevin said thankfully.

“So how has he been?” 

“Really good. Except for last night. Eddy broke in to try and trash his house.” 

“What?! You can’t tell me that before we have to go to class!”

“Don’t worry. I think he’s going to leave him alone now. But I’ll tell you the story later.”

“How did he handle it?”

“Better then I’d expect but it was still hard on him. I’ve been given permission to knock his teeth out if he fucks with him again though.”

“Changing gears, It seems like your sex life is pretty good.” She elbowed him with a lascivious grin.

“You have no idea.” 

“I’m surprised at how fast that happened. You dated Stacy for weeks and you refused to go further then hand stuff.”

“Why would I want to go any further when she wasn’t even interested in making out?”

“Most guys would have, happily even. Especially since she kept trying.”

“Well not me. D though... we can make out for hours. It's awesome. We haven’t… fully. You know. But I want to soon.”

“Wooow. You’re pretty serious. You’re basically a ‘wait till marriage’ guy.”

“I am not. It’s just a big deal. I want it to be special.”

“Like… I don’t know. After a declaration of love and devotion, dressed up to the nines and maybe after a whole ass wedding?”

“Shut up.” He blushed. 

They made it to their class late and took their seats. The teacher shot them a dirty look but he just shrugged. He daydreamed until the bell rang.


	12. Chapter 12

Kevin bolted out the door as soon as his last class was over. He wouldn’t let his teacher force him into paper fetching today so he escaped as fast as he could before she could ask. He knew she would scold him later but he didn’t care today. 

He walked with Nazz to Edd’s locker. Thinking about it, Edd was the only one he knew who even bothered to use his locker, Kevin couldn’t remember the last time he’d opened his own. He probably wouldn’t keep forgetting his books if he did. Though that hadn’t been an issue since staying over with Edd. 

“Hey pretty boy.” Kevin said flirtatiously, leaning on the locker next to Edd‘s. 

“Hello again.” Edd smiled and pecked his boyfriend on the lips who to his credit only melted a little.

Kevin backed him into the door of his locker and kissed him more thoroughly, much to the chagrin of Nazz. 

She rolled her eyes. “Come on, hurry it up.”

Kevin backed up and licked his lips. “Ugh, you ruin everything.” He groaned at his friend.

She shoved the redhead’s shoulder to push him from crowding Edd to address him. “Kevin said you had a favor to ask?” 

Kevin nearly stumbled from the force. If that was a playful shove he wondered how Eddy’s organs survived the gut punch she delivered.

“Oh!” Edd snapped back to reality from the daze he was in from the deep kiss. “Yes. I have an appointment nearby and could use a ride if you have the time.”

“An appointment? A therapy appointment?” She asked with excitement.

“Yeah. I…” he looked to Kevin, “don’t think I can make this work without it and... I want it to.” He had a shy smile. Kevin grabbed his hand and interlaced their fingers.

Nazz smiled at the two. “Any reason to take that first step is a good reason. I really hope it helps you. I’ll definitely give you a ride, dude.”

“Thank you. I’ll send you the address.” 

“Sure thing. So now that that’s out of the way- what happened last night! Kevin said Eddy broke in?”

“Yes, through my backyard. Luckily Kevin was there and was able to subdue him. He planned to vandalize my house and I threatened legal action. And he… well he saw my neck, and knows how it happened.”

“No! What did he say?” She leaned all the way into his personal space and Edd closed his locker.

“He seemed real conflicted.” Kevin responded, knowing that Edd was too far gone at that point to really comprehend Eddy’s response.

“So long as he doesn’t tell anyone I don’t care how he feels about it. I’m just glad it’s off my chest.”

“I can’t believe that jerk. One of these days he’s gonna get what’s really coming to him.” She said with vigor. “And I hope we’re all there to see it.”

Edd nodded solemnly. He still missed their friendship despite everything but he’d never trust him enough to let him back in. It just wasn’t possible to repair anymore and Edd knew he had to just move on.

“We’ll keep you updated if anything else happens. I’m enlisting you to help me sack him if he crosses any lines.”

“Put my fists to good use, sir.” She saluted.

“I think he knows when he’s beat.” Edd said. “And I don’t think it’ll be necessary.”

“But?” Kevin asked.

“But- if he does I’d prefer you not get in trouble on my behalf.”

“Buuuut??” Nazz goaded.

“But… if lines are crossed, self defense is well within your rights.” Edd stated matter-of-factly but with exasperation.

Nazz and Kevin gave each other a low five, and Edd scoffed but he did appreciate that they wanted to protect him.

* * *

They closed the door to the house after a very short trip. As soon as the door shut behind them Edd was pushed to the door and given a filthy kiss.

He’d been expecting it. He’d found it very enjoyable to tease his fingers along the skin just above Kevin’s jeans button. When he’d first skirted his hand under the hem of his shirt while holding onto him they’d nearly hit a light pole. He knew he’d riled him up plenty when Kevin had grabbed his hand and stopped the bike to shoot him a _look_. 

Kevin dropped to his knees and started to undo the button. “You’re such a goddamn tease.” 

“I don’t remember teasing. Just giving a preview.”

Kevin had just got the button undone and the zipper down and was rubbing his hands up and down his clothed thighs. He leaned in and mouthed his erection through his briefs. Edd sighed and let his head rest on the door, until the doorbell rang and the door was pounded on like it was being tackled. 

“Hey! Double D! Open up!” Sarah yelled from outside. She knocked just like her brother.

They both startled. Edd yelped and jumped forwards, the knocking right in his ear scaring him out of his wits, and with Kevin in front of him he tumbled forwards. Kevin tried to catch him but in the shuffle Edd’s foot had come forward and hit him squarely in the most unfortunate of places and he made a pained cry. Both of them ended up in a heap on the floor with a thump.

Sarah heard the shuffle and stopped knocking.

“Double D? Are you okay in there?” She shouted through the door.

“Just a minute!” Edd squeaked, righting himself. He noticed Kevin on his side cupping his balls and gasping for breath. “Oh! Kevin. I’m so sorry.”

“What’s going on? Hurry up!” Sarah knocked again.

“Please wait, one minute.” He replied, rubbing Kevin’s back. Kevin made a ‘give me a moment’ hand gesture. 

“Just answer the door.” Kevin said breathlessly. 

Edd looked at him and back at the door with worry. He made a ‘go’ motion so Edd went to open the door. He cracked it open to peer out. 

“Hello, Sorry for the wait.”

“Is everything alright?” She asked, trying to peek around him. 

“Uh, yes. Well. You quite startled us.” He peeked back at Kevin, still a heap on the floor and he chewed his lip in worry.

“Your fly is down.” Sarah pointed to his crotch.

He made an embarrassed noise and zipped his pants behind the door. “Um, why are you here?”

“Oh, right! Here!” Sarah handed him an envelope with ‘EDD’ printed on it in a sloppy handwriting.

“I wrote Ed to let him know that he’s allowed to write to you and he sent this. When you write him back you can give it to me to send.”

Edd’s eyes widened. His hands shook as he grabbed the letter. “Oh.” His voice wavered. 

“Well I guess I’ll leave you to your boyfriend.” She snickered.

“Thank you.” He said seriously. He stepped out the door to give her a quick hug. “This means the world to me.”

“Of course.” She patted his back and smiled wide. He looked at the letter with awe and went back to his house.

He closed the door and Kevin was still on the ground. He seemed to be in less pain but he was still aching. Edd helped him to the couch and grabbed aspirin and an ice pack from the kitchen.

“I’m so sorry!”

Kevin shook his head and took the tablets. “It’s fine, fuck though. What did she want?”

Edd showed him the letter. “Ed sent me something.”

“Oh shit.” He said with excitement but as he tried to sit up he flinched.

Edd handed him the ice pack and Kevin placed it between his legs and inhaled through his teeth.

“Do you need anything?” Edd asked. He rubbed his boyfriend’s thigh and put the letter on the coffee table.

“Lay with me?” He opened his arms.

Edd crawled over him and settled in trying to avoid hurting him again.

Edd stared at the envelope while resting his head on Kevin’s chest.

“You gonna read it?” Kevin asked, watching him look longingly at the letter.

“I’m kind of scared.” He answered. He rubbed Kevin’s stomach. 

Kevin kissed Edd’s temple. “I bet he misses you as much as you do him.”

“You think?” he asked hopefully.

“I know.” He said. There was a long pause and Edd didn’t reach for the letter. 

“Feeling any better?” Edd asked when Kevin’s face wasn’t twisted in pain anymore.

“Yeah. You know, this is gonna be really funny tomorrow. But right now I don’t think I could laugh if I wanted.”

“Do you think it’ll bruise?” 

“Nah. I’ve been knocked worse. Didn’t realize I’d need to wear a cup while blowing you though.” He almost laughed but winced. “Ow.”

Edd chuckled. “Poor baby.” He kissed Kevin’s jaw. “May I?” He asked, hovering his hand over Kevin’s pelvis. “I just wanna check to make sure it’s not worse than it seems.”

“Yeah, okay.” He moved the ice pack.

Edd unbuttoned and pulled Kevin’s pants down his hips. Kevin sighed at the relief from the pressure of his fly. Edd’s hand went down to roll Kevin’s balls in his hand.

“Let me know if it hurts.”

“It’s a little sore. But it’s… oh fuck.” Kevin moaned and he reclined his head.

“Good? Bad?” He asked while continuing to fondle. He really was checking for anything off but it seemed he was recovering quickly if his rapidly hardening dick was anything to go off of.

“Y-yeah.” 

“Yeah what? Good or bad.” He stopped his hand just in case.

“Just yeah. Both. Fuck.” 

Edd shifted to sit on Kevin’s legs. He cupped him for support with one hand and wrapped his other around his shaft.

“This okay?” He asked again.

“God babe. You’re so good.” Kevin moaned.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” He laughed and continued to give him a handjob. He thumbed the head and gathered his precum to use to pump him more smoothly.

“I wanted to get you off first.” Kevin groaned.

“When you’re feeling better you can do whatever you want to me. Right now though let me take care of you.” 

“Fuck.” He groaned. “I love you so much.” 

“Tell me what you’re going to do to me.” Edd requested with an aroused gaze.

Kevin licked his lips. Edd asking for dirty talk was driving him crazy. He wouldn’t have guessed from his shy demeanor that he’d be so into it but Edd was full of surprises and Kevin loved that about him. 

“I’m gonna bring you to the bed after this and strip you naked.” Edd twisted his hand and Kevin moaned. “Then I’m gonna lay you down and suck you off. Been thinking about it all day. Love your cock. Gonna bite your thighs up, I know you love it when I finger you open and mark you up.”

Edd whined and shifted and squeezed him harder and started pumping faster. “We need to go get condoms. I want you in me so bad.”

“Can’t wait. Love your ass. Gonna mess you up.” He was getting close and his sentences choppier and more strained.

“Yeah? Are you going to fuck me hard?” He’d started rutting against Kevin’s legs.

“Nah. Gonna… gonna go slow. Fuck. Gonna really make love to you. I’ll make it last all night baby.”

Edd pumped faster. “How do you want me? From the front? Or behind?”

“Start from behind. Get you used to me filling you up. But I wanna see your face when you cum.” Kevin was gripping the fabric of the couch and started to thrust his hips.

“Sounds like you've thought about it a lot.”

“God, yes.” Kevin groaned dizzy with pleasure. 

Edd licked his lips and slid to the floor. He opened his mouth to swallow down Kevin’s length.

“Fuck baby.” Kevin’s hand flew to the back of Edd’s head. His hat knocked sideways and Kevin slid it off to bury his hand in his hair.

Edd hollowed his cheeks and continued to move his hand over the shaft. His throat was still sore from the weekend, so as much as he wanted to he refrained from letting it hit the back of his throat.

Kevin yanked his hair. “I’m about to cum.”

He pulled off. “Mouth?”

“I wanna come on your face.” He moaned.

“You’ll probably need to sit up for that.” 

Kevin scooted back to sit up and groaned in pain.

“Oh, be careful.”

He jerked himself to keep himself up, not wanting to lose his erection from the pain. “I completely forgot.” 

“Here. Let me.” Edd pulled him off until he was back to the edge of an orgasm. 

Kevin looked down and watched Edd bite his lip watching Kevin's leaking dick, lost in his own lust.

“Fuck you’re so sexy.”

“Are you going to come for me?” Edd asked, his voice laden with desire.

“Yeah, gonna-” Kevin groaned, his orgasm interrupted his train of thought and watched as thick ropes of cum shot across Edd’s face.

Edd smiled up at him. “Better?”

Kevin tried to lean down to kiss him but winced again.

“Almost. It’s not as bad now.”

“Here.” Edd pressed the cold pack back to the pained sack.

“Fuck! Cold!” He flinched.

“I know. Sorry.” He said kissing his thigh.

“Fuck you’re so pretty like this.” He hissed through the freezing pain.

“How is it you’re able to say that at a time like this.” Edd laughed.

“Need to focus on something else.”

Edd wiped at his face and Kevin huffed. He chuckled at how easy he was to read and licked it off his hand.

“You should eat more fruit.” He said smacking his lips.

“Salty?”

“A little.” He said. He took out his handkerchief and wiped the rest off.

“Hey. Come straddle my face.” Kevin requested.

“How can you say stuff like that with a straight face.” His cheeks burned but he removed his clothes and compiled.

“You love it.” Kevin teased.

“Yeah.” Edd said breathlessly, “I really do.” 

Kevin grabbed his boyfriend’s hips and guided his dick to his mouth. Kevin sucked him like he was his favorite flavor lollipop. He hadn’t quite figured out the same amount of technical skill Edd had and also unlike Edd his gag reflex was functional but he was enthusiastic. 

He sucked the tip into his mouth and bobbed his head. His hands had moved from his hips to knead at his ass. His fingers slid along his crack.

Kevin moaned at Edd’s twitching thrusts as he tried to hold himself back and pulled off to suck his finger before sliding it back to his hole, rubbing circles into the puckered flesh.

Edd breathed a hitched sigh and carded his fingers through the short hair at the top of Kevin’s head. 

Kevin licked up Edd’s supple thigh and bit down hard. 

“Ah- yes!” Edd moaned and jerked his hips. He hadn’t expected him to so suddenly dig his teeth into the soft flesh.

He sucked the bite mark and kissed it. “You like that?”

He nodded while biting his lip with whine. He didn’t trust himself to say anything. The sharp pain of the bite was intoxicating. Kevin was definitely tapping into something Edd didn’t know he needed.

Kevin chuckled at the clear interest he was showing. 

“Tell me.” He commanded. Albeit lightly.

“Yes.” His voice was shaky. “H-harder?” He asked.

Kevin’s finger probed at his hole and slid in as he bit down again on the other side.

Edd’s head flew back and he squeezed his thighs shut around Kevin’s head, keening loud and long.

He laughed at the reaction. He bit up and down his thigh leaving teeth marks in his wake while pressing hard into his prostate.

Edd hiccuped a strained moan and came at a hard nip right in the junction of his pelvis and thigh.

He leaned forward unable to hold himself up on just his knees anymore. Kevin used one hand to milk the cum from his rapidly softening cock. His fingers inside still rubbing his bundle of overstimulated nerves 

His thighs twitched as he took in deep gulping breaths between high pitched whimpers. 

When he was finally completely drained Kevin kissed the purpling bites.

He awkwardly moved off Kevin’s face and slid to the floor, boneless.

Kevin sat up, pain-free finally and pulled his satisfied boyfriend into his lap after wiping up the mess, he wasn’t completely in that soft floating space but he seemed close.

“What is it like when you’re out of it?”

“Mm. It’s… like only what I can touch and feel exists. I stop worrying about the world outside and I’m allowed to only focus on that.” 

“It doesn’t happen every time though. What do you think causes it?” Kevin asked.

“I’m not sure. But I like it.” Edd ran his fingers over Kevin’s defined abdominal muscles.

Edd bit his lip like he wanted to say something but decided against it. 

“What do you want?” Kevin asked. 

“Mm. No. It’s weird.” Edd said, burying his face in his chest.

“What is?” He stroked Edd’s hair. 

“I… would it be… n-never mind.” He couldn’t bring himself to ask.

“Babe.” Kevin whispered. “What’re you worried about? Tell me.” He lifted his face to make him look at him.

Edd blushed and squeezed his eyes shut. “I… like it when it hurts… a little.”

Kevin tried not to laugh at Edd’s apprehension. “I know. I wouldn’t have bit you up like that if I didn’t think you’d like it.”

Edd peeked at Kevin, still embarrassed but less mortified. 

“You want to try it a little harder next time?”

“Yeah?” He asked, nervous but hopeful.

Kevin grinned and pulled his hair. Not too hard but enough to shock Edd into a whimpering moan.

“What’re you thinking? What do you want me to do?”

“Mm. I dunno.” He was obviously very pleased judging by his half lidded eyes.

“Tell me when it’s too much.” He asked as he gripped his hair harder.

Edd’s eyes unfocused and his short nails scraped across Kevin’s pectorals.

He pulled his head back by yanking his hair and bit his shoulder.

“Ah!” Edd gasped. “H-harder.”

He bit down harder and pinched one of his peaked nipples, the hand in his hair tightening. Edd shuddered.

“Where you at, baby?” He asked. “Feeling okay?”

“G-good.” 

He recognized Edd slipping in and out of lightheaded pleasure. “What’s your fantasy babe?”

“M-maybe handcuffs?” He said remembering how much he liked when Kevin grabbed his wrists as he thrusted against him.

“You love being held down, huh? Wouldn’t mind putting a collar on you. Would you like that? To be my pet?”

“Yes!” He nearly sobbed. His head thrashed and chest heaved. He went wild from just the mere thought of being leashed.

“You just came baby. Think you can do it again?”

He rolled him over to push him to the couch and he shook his head but moaned out a little, “Please.”

Kevin definitely couldn’t get it back up so quickly and was constantly surprised at how short Edd’s refractory period was. Not even five minutes and he was already ready for another round.

He palmed him but Edd whimpered. “N- can’t. It’s so much.” 

He wasn’t sure what to do if touching him directly was too overstimulating but he seemed to still be wound up. He redirected his hand and pressed his thumb into one of his darkening bite marks on his thighs and Edd’s muscles clenched and he gasped.

“God, you’re so hot.” Kevin pressed down harder into the love bite.

“Kevin.” Edd whimpered and wrapped his arms around the redhead's neck. “You make me so happy.”

That seemed to be Kevin’s activation phrase because Kevin growled and covered Edd’s body with his own and he kissed him until neither could breathe. When he pulled back they were both panting and Edd’s was blissed out again, completely lost in his pleasure.

He used his blunt nail to help dig into the mark and Edd's head fell back in absolute pleasure exposing his long neck.

Kevin took that as an invitation and gave a sharp bite to the expanse of already splotchy skin. Edd’s nails scratched Kevin’s shoulder blades as his back arched with a silent scream. He bit down harder but Edd didn’t give him any indication of being too painful. Instead his legs came up to wrap around his waist and he shook like he was having another orgasm but nothing came out. He panted and fell back to the couch, jelly legged and content. Kevin’s mouth suddenly tasted like iron and he let go with fear.

He rubbed the bite mark and cringed, he’d broken the skin. It was only bleeding a little but Edd seemed to have enjoyed it like crazy, he was euphoric in his post-orgasmic haze, his breath coming out in heaving pants.

“You _really_ liked that, huh?” He asked with awe.

He made a happy affirmative noise. 

Kevin gulped. This might be a bit out of his league. That was definitely liking pain more than just a bit. “Can you tell me how you’re feeling?”

“Mm-mm. Dunno...good.” he said dreamily. 

“Come on, come back to me, baby.” Kevin tucked a strand of hair behind Edd’s ear. He needed to get him ointment for that bite. He frowned at how painful it looked.

He nuzzled the hand. “‘M here.”

Kevin chuckled. “Are you?”

“Mm-hm. Love you.” Edd slurred. 

Kevin trailed kisses from his cheek, the corner of his mouth, to his lips. “Babe, let me up. I need to grab something for your neck.”

“Nnnoooo.” Edd hummed into the kiss and hugged him. 

“How about something to eat?” Kevin asked. 

“M’ybe.” Edd said. “Tired of soup.”

“Yeah? What do you want then?”

“Spicy.” 

Kevin laughed at how vague he was like this. Usually he couldn’t be more specific. “Mexican?”

“M’kay.” He answered. 

“I need to get my phone to order it.” Kevin said, trying to extract himself. Edd kissed the hand he’d trapped between his cheek and arm but then let it go.

He got up to get his phone and Edd stretched out but stayed put. Before Edd could grab him again he went to get some neosporin and a wet paper towel.

When he returned Edd put his arms out for a hug. His face lit up like it was Christmas when he saw him. Kevin scooped Edd up and wrapped him in a throw blanket from the end of the couch and Edd happily cuddled into him. 

“Don’t leave again.” Edd’s voice was thick and sounded lonely.

“Okay Love. I won’t. Can you show me your neck?” He said, uncapping the salve.

“Mmm.” Was all Edd could say but he did as he was told.

Kevin frowned at the mark. Blood had welled to the surface. He wiped it away and Edd moaned softly. 

He rubbed the cream into the wound.

“Feels so good.” Edd slurred in his dreamy haze. 

Kevin itched to know more about Edd’s zoning out. He liked it, sure, but was it healthy? What if it was something bad? He capped the balm back up and pulled Edd to his chest to lay together.

He tried typing in some keywords that explained his state on his phone but all he could find was articles about disassociation, which honestly scared him. It seemed to be detailing the same thing that happened when Edd had been cleaning. Were they the same thing?

“Babe, what does it feel like when you get into that cleaning mode? When you were scrubbing the carpet.”

“Mm.” He started to come to slightly. “Nothing. It’s like I’m just not there.”

“And this right now is different?” He asked.

“Yeah.” He said with a smile. “Feels good.”

“Okay.” He said looking back at the phone with confusion. “What about back in the shower? The first time? What was that like?”

“It was… I dunno. I’d never felt like it before. A lot like now. But a lot like the other thing too.”

It didn’t help a lot but it at least confirmed they felt different. 

“And last night?”

“Like this, but less.” He said. “Hm. Why?”

“I’m trying to find information on it but I don’t really know what to look for.”

“I think it’s when I’m giving up control.” He mumbled. “In the shower, yesterday, earlier. I like it when you own me. I like giving you pleasure but I _really_ like it when you push me over my limits.”

Kevin blushed. “ _Oh?_ ”

“I liked when you said you’d get me a collar.” He could talk again and his slurring had stopped but Kevin knew he’d never say this if he wasn’t still mostly in that place. “Love when you call me pet.”

Kevin bit his lip. He’d keep that in mind. 

“You’re still really in it, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.” Edd smiled. “It’s s’good.” He moved his head to motion to the bite he’d left. “I keep moving my head and it makes me feel it all over again.”

Kevin looked at it and his eyes widened, The imprint of his teeth was darker than just 15 minutes before and it looked like it won’t be healing any time soon. “I need to put some ice on that. Fuck, I’m sorry baby.” 

“I like it.” His eyes rolled back and he gasped when Kevin brushed it with his fingers. It was incredibly tender.

“It looks bad.” He said with worry. “Like you were attacked.”

“I want to show it off. I can’t wait until my neck is only marked by you.” He said with a happy lilt. Edd in this headspace was too seductive. 

“I dunno if I want anyone to see that one.” Kevin said. “I don’t want anyone to think I’m trying to scar you up.”

“Is it really that bad?” Edd asked. He tried to touch it but Kevin held his hand to stop him.

“Yeah, It’s _bad._ I’m almost worried it’ll scar.”

“The ice pack needs to go back in the freezer.” Edd said, pointing to the discarded melted bag on the floor.

“I’m gonna go put it back. Do you have sandwich bags?”

“Below the silverware drawer.”

“I’m gonna bring back ice then.”

He moved Edd to sit up and did what he said he would, bringing back a bag of ice with a hand towel wrapped around it.

“Here we go.” He pressed it to the bite.

Edd sighed. “Oh. That feels amazing.” 

The doorbell rang for the food and Kevin had him hold it against his own neck before throwing his pants back on.

He handed the delivery man a tip and brought the food over.

Kevin threw on the TV and they dug into the takeout. Edd holding the ice pack to his neck made it harder for him to eat so he put it down until he finished off his food. Afterwards Kevin cleaned up, Edd tried to help but he wouldn’t let him, telling him instead to keep icing his neck. 

Eating had helped ground Edd and now the mark smarted in a much less sexy way, it was still rather nice though. 

When Kevin came back Edd was holding the letter.

“Finally gonna read it?” He asked.

“I’m thinking about it.” He said with worry. “I liked when I couldn’t worry about what’s in here.”

Kevin sat next to him. “Need me to do anything?”

Edd leaned against his boyfriend. “What if it’s him denouncing our friendship? Or telling me he hates me for not helping him? What if he-“

Kevin kissed him to break his spiraling, it doubled to calm him. “None of that will happen. He’s going to be excited he gets to finally talk to you. He’s going to ask how you’re doing and tell you how he’s been. Okay?”

Edd breathed in deeply. “Okay… okay.” He sighed.

He looked back at the letter and carefully opened the seal.

His eyes scanned the letter and tears sprung to his eyes. After a few minutes he laughed a little and flipped over the paper to see a drawing and sniffled but with a watery smile.

“He’s got a new obsession apparently. He started collecting cards.” He dumped out the envelope and a monster card from some game he’d never seen before fell out. “He made some friends without Eddy and he wants to see me over the summer, he asked me to put together a deck of this game to play him when he comes back.” He sobbed happily. “His drawing has gotten better too.” 

“See? What did I tell you?” He wiped his boyfriend's eyes with his thumbs as Edd sobbed again, his breath hitching. 

“You were right, of course.” 

“What’re you going to write him back?” He asked with a smile.

“I’ll have to tell him about us, obviously and I’ll have to learn the rules for this game.” He held the card to his chest. “He says he misses me.” His lip wobbled. “Thank you.” He whispered to Kevin. He was looking at him with wet adoring eyes.

“I told you.” 

“No. Not just that. For everything, for saving me, for loving me, for not giving up.” He wrapped his arms around his neck and hugged him tight, burrowing his face into Kevin’s neck. “I love you.”

Kevin’s heart thudded loudly. He said it more than once while he was out of it but now, in his right mind, saying it without fear or trepidation, Kevin pulled him back to look in his eyes. 

“Not too soon?” He parroted back to him, cupping his cheek.

Edd shook his head. “No. Not too soon.” They kissed slowly.

Kevin pulled Edd to his chest. “I love you too.”

They relaxed into the embrace for a while longer, letting the moment sit with them. 

“We need to do homework.” Edd sighed, unenthused by schoolwork for the first time.

“Do we?” Kevin knew he had homework due himself tomorrow but Edd was more important right now.

“Yeah…” Edd sighed and stood up and put his own pants back on. “Show me the syllabi for your classes.”

“Huh? Why?”

“We’re gonna do any homework due for the next few days so we have plenty of time tomorrow. I have a feeling it’s going to be a long day.”

Kevin turned pink at the memory of his own plan to buy the things they need to finally go all the way. 

“Yeah, okay.” He shook the thought away, he wasn’t going to expect anything. After therapy he’d do whatever Edd needed. It just happened to be a convenient time to buy them.

“I don’t have them here. I’ll have to go get them from my house.”

“Okay. I’ll start setting up.” 

Kevin made a dip into his house, trying to avoid his parents. He didn’t want to be caught in a long conversation about where he’s been. He knew they’d be fine with it but he knew his mom would give him flack about ‘being safe’ and try to give him the sex talk- like she did literally every time he’d started dating anyone. You’d think she’d realized he knew what he was doing by his third girlfriend. Besides, he wanted to introduce Edd when he told them.

After some digging he came back with the folder he threw his syllabi in on the first day of school before he promptly forgot about them and snuck back out. He breathed a sigh of relief when he made it back to door, and locked it behind him.

“Hey.” He heard a familiar voice. Kevin turned and nearly threw a punch at the short-stack. Eddy was standing there on his lawn kicking dirt.

“What the fuck do you want?” He spat.

“Was what he said yesterday true?” Eddy asked. He looked like he hadn’t slept. Thinking about it he hadn’t seen him at school today either. Not that he usually did, but he was keeping an eye out.

 _Good_. He thought. _I hope it haunts him._

“Which part? That he spent too much time on your friendship? That you’re not worth it? That you don’t think?”

“I get it, you hang on his every word. I meant that you found him… you know. Like that?”

“Yeah. _Yeah_. I found him _‘like that’_ and it was the scariest shit.” He said with malcontent. “I didn’t know if he was alive or dead and he was bleeding all over the tile.”

Eddy scrunched his eyes shut and crossed his arms. “I never… I didn’t want that to happen. I just… I don’t know.”

“Of course you don’t. Well I have to get back to him. I’m warning you now, he’s being too nice and asked me not to punch your lights out unless you start shit. I won’t go against him, but Nazz promised nothing.”

“I don’t wanna fight.” He put his hands up. “I know he won’t forgive me but… for what it’s worth I am sorry.” 

“And why the fuck should anyone believe you?”

“I don’t know. I just didn’t think about what was right, just about myself. Like usual. After everything with my brother I should have… no. It’s no one's fault but my own. I just wanted to fit in. I used him being gay as a reason to drop him because my other friends didn’t like him and I just wanted to be liked. I didn’t think about the fact he didn’t have anyone else. I was wrong. And I’m glad he has you, even if you are an asshole.”

“I’m not gonna tell him that because I’m not your gopher. If you want him to know you’ll need to say it to his face. But right now I’m not going to let you. He’s got too much other shit on his plate. But If you’re serious about apologizing to him you better do way better than that.”

“Okay.” Eddy said. “I deserved that. I’ll work on it.”

“You better.” Kevin didn’t wait for a reply and stormed back to Edd’s house. He shot one more glare at the bastard before closing the door behind him.

As soon as he saw Edd chewing his thumb while working on a difficult problem his annoyance melted away. He placed the folder on the table and kissed the top of his head.

“I swear you get more sexy every time I see you.”

“Flattery won’t get you out of homework.” Edd chided with a playful smile.

“Wouldn’t dream of it. Let’s get all of this done so we can make-out the rest of the night.” He said with energy.

Edd chuckled. “Well, whatever motivates you. It looks like you have some math work and a geography worksheet due tomorrow and the next day an essay for English.” That shouldn’t be too hard to get done.”

“Yeah, I already got the worksheet done. She handed it out during class.”

“Good! One less thing to do. If you need any help let me know.” He smiled at the incentive. He was so used to Ed and Eddy asking him to do their work. Kevin doing his own work with very little protest was refreshing.

His math was done quickly but the essay was annoying. He should have started it earlier but Edd had twice as much work as he did so he wasn’t going to complain. It was dark out by the time they finished.

Edd yawned and stretched. “How are you?” 

“Done. What about you?”

“Just finished. How long have you been done?”

“I finished editing my essay about an hour ago. How did you have so much work?”

“I did all of the week's work while I was at it. And some of my teachers just added some extra credit assignments.”

“Well now that that’s done.” Kevin cornered Edd. “I think we both deserve a reward.”

Edd giggled a little before yawning. “How about we move to the bed.”

Kevin kissed him and Edd yawned again in the middle of it. 

Kevin chuckled. “Okay, bed time it is.”

Kevin helped Edd up and they packed their bags for tomorrow and cleaned up. When they fell into bed Edd curled onto Kevin’s chest. After a few minutes of open mouthed kissing that Kevin kept light and sweet Edd yawned loud and Kevin stroked his hair.

“Go to sleep. Tomorrow’s a big day.”

“Sleepy sleepy sleepy.” Edd murmured but kissed him again. “G’Night.”

They both fell asleep soon after.


	13. Chapter 13

Edd woke up to Kevin’s tongue soothing across the sore spot on his neck. The skin prickled at the warmth of his mouth.

“Oh.” Edd sighed. He leaned his head to the side to let him continue his lavishing. Kevin smiled against the bruised flesh but continued his ministrations. Kissing the spot and whispering soft regrets for the mark. 

“Don’t apologize.” Edd ran his hands down Kevin’s back. “I liked it.”

He pecked the inflamed mark again and Edd’s legs twitched from the scratch of Kevin’s morning stubble over the irritated skin. His knee brushing Kevin’s morning wood.

“See?” Kevin said, kissing around the area in apology. 

Edd shook his head. “Do it again.” He asked in a breathless tone.

Kevin grinded himself against Edd’s thigh. “You really do like the pain, huh?”

“Is that bad?” Edd asked. “I like that every time I move my head I’ll be thinking of how you put it there.”

“Fuck.” Kevin grunted at the image. “Not bad, just… fuck I wanna make you feel good but hurting you scares me.”

“I trust you.” Edd said. “I know you’re doing it because I want you to and that you’d never do anything to me unless I asked.”

Kevin nuzzled the area, sending another shockwave of prickling pleasure skating across his nerve endings. “I just love you. Hurting you seems wrong.”

“What’s different from the other hickies?”

“I broke the skin.” He said, rubbing the indent of his teeth. 

“Did it bleed?” He asked, tapping the spot, still a little wet from Kevin’s saliva, and looking at it as though it might have been still bleeding.

“A little, yeah, last night.” He said. “But it stopped quickly.”

“Well. Forget that for a bit.” Edd said, dragging his hand down Kevin's chest and hooking his finger into his sleep pants.

“Minx.” Kevin grabbed Edd’s hips and opened his legs to grind down.

The position was incredibly revealing and despite their sleep pants Edd felt wide open and naked. 

“Look at you all spread out for me.” Kevin said with lust. 

Edd wrapped his legs around Kevin’s waist and rolled his hips up. 

“Oh fuck, babe.” He grunted and thrusted forward.

“Wait!” Edd said, shocked suddenly and tightened his legs around Kevin in a leg lock. 

Kevin stilled. “What’s up! You okay?”

“What time is it?” He asked, frantic.

Kevin laughed. “6:30.”

“Oh. You woke up early.” He said, releasing his legs just a little.

“You knocked me in the jaw.” Kevin laughed. 

“Did I? I’m sorry!” Edd gasped.

Kevin grinded back down. “I know a way you can make it up to me.”

Edd moaned. “Yeah? _Oh-okay_.” 

“Good boy.” Kevin replied, rubbing his boyfriend’s sharp hip.

Edd’s legs tightened up again. “ _Oh_.”

“Oh?” Kevin asked at his reaction. “You like that?”

Edd squeezed his eyes shut and nodded.

Kevin chuckled. “Yeah, bet you do, pet.” He said, using his admission from last night to pull a reaction from his boyfriend.

Edd keened and his hips jerked.

“My good boy. Perfect pet.” Kevin moaned.

Edd melted and made little whimpers as he was bent in half. Kevin held him open by the back of his knees and continued to grind him into the mattress, whispering complements as he watched Edd fall apart under him.

When they finally moaned and released Kevin collapsed onto Edd. 

“Sorry.” He tried to roll off but Edd hugged around his neck and sighed blissfully at being covered completely by his boyfriend’s muscled body, holding him in place. 

“What time is it now?” Edd asked after they both caught their breath, Edd much longer with Kevin’s weight pressed into him, but he wouldn’t let him move.

“Almost 7.” Kevin said looking at the clock.

“We should shower.” Edd said rubbing his cheek against Kevin’s clavicle.

They both stretched while getting up. 

“I don’t think I could go home and sleep in my bed again if I wanted to.” Kevin said, cracking his back. “Even if your bed is really small.”

“I don’t think I’d want to try.” Edd started grabbing his clothes and towels for the both of them. “But I bet it would be nice to both sleep in your bed.”

“Only if we don’t want to be able to have sex. The walls are too thin and my mom would be checking up on us every half-hour, I swear.” Kevin kissed Edd’s ear from behind, wrapping him up in a hug. “You ready for today?”

“I assume you mean therapy.” He sighed. “I’m not sure.” 

“It’ll be okay.” Kevin said. “I promise.”

“Nazz should be here soon. Let’s get ready.” He had a wan smile on.

“You’re allowed to be scared.” Kevin assured. “You don’t have to act okay if you’re not.”

Edd pursed his lips. “I… may be a little frightened.”

Kevin hugged him tighter. “I’ll be there as soon as you’re out.”

Edd leaned his head back onto Kevin’s shoulder. “Thank you. That really does make me feel better.”

“Think I can get you off again in the shower?” He grinned, trying to lighten the mood.

Edd sputtered. “Insatiable!”

Kevin laughed and picked Edd up to carry to the bathroom. “Says the guy who can have multiple orgasms.”

“I- bu-“ he turned bright red. “I- you’re the one who discovered that!” 

“Yeah, I sure did.” Kevin grinned. “I even gave you a dry orgasm. We should try that again.”

Edd elbowed him lightly. “Stop it.” He wriggled out of his hold and started the water, his ears red. “Maybe... later.”

“If I didn’t think Nazz would break the door in if we don’t hear her knocking I’d be all over you.”

Edd wanted to be annoyed but being so desired made him feel weak in the knees. Kevin had awoken a part of him he didn’t know existed. 

“Over me or _in_ me?” He asked with a coy backwards glance.

Kevin cornered him in the shower. “Who’s insatiable now?” 

Edd laughed and twisted the handle to make the water freezing and Kevin yelped.

“Later.” He said with a cocky grin. 

“Fuck! Minx.” Kevin laughed.

* * *

They took their time in the shower and brushed their teeth side by side. 

Edd put his toothbrush back and felt satisfied placing it directly next to Kevin’s. Kevin saw him stare at the cup. 

“Is it okay or should I have put it somewhere else?” He asked self-consciously.

“No, no. I’m just feeling sentimental.” Edd replied. He leaned up to place a kiss on Kevin's cheek. “I like seeing our things together.”

Kevin smiled and pulled him in by the hips. It was nice to know that Edd could be as soppy as him.

“Who’s the sap now?” He chuckled.

“Still you.” Edd replied with another peck. “But I like it.”

Kevin held him and kissed him more fully, until the doorbell rang. Edd jumped and Kevin took a step back.

“Not letting you clip me again.” He laughed.

Edd froze and then snorted. “How is it?”

“All better. How about your neck?”

Edd looked at it in the mirror. “Oh, it is dark, isn’t it?”

“Put some neosporin on it, I’ll get the door.”

“Mmm.” Edd replied, looking in the mirror with appreciation. The rope mark was now completely ambiguous, even if there were still some unhealed scrapes they weren’t too noticeable. It mostly just seemed like he was covered in hickies. 

For the first time in a long time he liked what he was seeing in the mirror. He glanced up and realized he’d even left his hat off. The scar from his accident was mostly covered by his hair, and the new scar above his eyebrow was fresh and pink but he found it didn’t bother him as much as it once might have. 

He was underweight and his skin paler than it once was but he wasn’t put off completely by the reflection. Some days he was barely able to glance at himself but for the first time he can remember he was really looking at himself. He thought about how Kevin looked at him and saw someone _beautiful_. He looked back at his neck. The visual reminders of Kevin in his house were nothing next to the visual reminders of him on his _body_. 

He longed to show off Kevin’s marks, though he knew if anyone so much as looked at him funny while it was on view he’d probably have a panic attack. He wished he had more confidence but he figured being able to look himself in the eye for the first time in months was good enough for today.

Besides it’d probably be best to wait until it wasn’t so raised and raw. He put some antibiotic cream on it and threw on his shirt and hat. He frowned at the image of himself clothed and turned his head to view himself from multiple angles. His clothes were too big on him, even though he was wearing one of his smaller shirts. He wanted to show some change. He took off his hat but put it back on after just a moment. Maybe that was too much change too fast. 

Kevin went to the door to let Nazz in. 

“He’s getting dressed.” He said. “You can sit down. I'm gonna throw on a shirt myself.”

“No new hickies?” She laughed.

“Not on me.” He responded with a grin.

“How is his neck doing?”

“It’s not so bad anymore.” He rubbed his short hair sheepishly.

“But?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Good morning Nazz.” Edd said coming down the stairs. “Thank you for bringing us to school today.”

Kevin motioned to go upstairs. “I’ll be back.” 

“Hey, no prob.” She watched Kevin flee with confusion. “What’s up?”

“Nothing much. I’m sorry how long we took.” He said, picking up his bag. 

“Morning quickie?” She smirked.

Edd dropped his bag. “I- b-“

“No way!” Nazz said with a boisterous laugh. “I was teasing! You’re more of a sex-fiend then I thought.”

Edd’s face burned from the admission but he so badly wanted to gush to someone about how great Kevin was.

“It… helps when your partner is _very_ attentive.” He wasn’t able to look at her when saying it but he liked being able to talk about it.

“Oh yeah?” She asked with jeer. “You’ll have to tell me all about it.”

“Okay, let’s go.” Kevin said. “What’s up?” He asked at Edd’s red face and Nazz’s raunchy grin.

“Edd was just telling me what an _attentive_ lover you are.”

He barked a laugh and slid his arm around his boyfriend. “I’ve been called worse.” He teased.

“Yeah, cause you didn’t wanna have sex with your past girlfriends.”

“It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. Just that was _all_ they wanted and I wasn’t into that.” He shrugged. 

“Well your turn. How would you explain Edd in the bedroom?” Nazz asked brazenly.

Edd seemed embarrassed but curious, hiding in his hat but peeking out.

“Hmmm.” Kevin pretended to think. “Insatiable is the first word that comes to mind.” 

Edd sputtered and elbowed Kevin. Nazz snickered. “Oh yeah?”

“Oh yeah, last night-“ he started and Edd covered his mouth. Kevin wasn’t going to say anything really but he liked teasing him.

“Oh come on!” Nazz complained. “You can tell me!”

Edd was shaking with embarrassment. “Don’t you _dare_.” He hissed in the least menacing way Kevin had ever heard.

“I’m kidding babe.” Kevin said. “I wouldn’t say anything.” He chuckled and kissed his cheek.

“Boo!” Nazz said. 

“Busybody.” Kevin replied immediately. “Go have some of your own sex so you can stop trying to find out about ours.”

“Best friends tell each other about their sex lives! There’s nothing wrong with asking!” She said.

“I’m not opposed to you talking about our- Uh… sex life… I’d just prefer if I wasn’t there for it.” Edd clarified. “I do know there are some things you may want to… talk about and receive advice on… especially newer developments.” He seemed to be embarrassed to say it but he did, worrying his lip the whole time. 

“Aww.” Nazz said. “I’m gonna be asking about _all_ of that later.” 

Edd shouldered her lightly. “Please stop.”

“Fine, fine, but only because you asked nicely.

* * *

The school day passed far quicker than Edd wanted. He was dreading his therapy appointment and was on edge all day. Whenever he looked up at the clock and more time had passed then expected his head would start throbbing. He hadn’t meant to the first time but his fingers grazed his new mark and he felt instantly more grounded. He was sure the concussion was better but how much his head hurt he wondered if it wasn’t.

By lunch he’d rubbed the spot raw.

“What’s with you rubbing your neck?” Tray asked after class. 

Edd snatched his hand away. “Oh, Uh. Nothing. Just nervous.”

“What for?” He asked as the rest of the class filtered out of the room.

Edd bit his lip. Tray was now his friend and he was sure he could trust him. He also wanted to talk about it. Kevin was amazing of course but it was healthy to have more people to lean on. Kevin wanted him to build a support network and he did feel some sort of friendly kinship with Tray.

“I have my first therapy appointment today.” He said fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

“Oh yeah? Kevin got you too?” Tray said.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing bad. He got me to go a few times but it wasn’t really for me. Frank still goes and swears by it, and I actually got Marta to go. It’s been really good for her. There’s nothing to be scared of though.”

“I didn’t have the best experience with it as a kid.” Edd wrung his shirt before realizing it would cause wrinkles and let go.

“Oh? Do you have the kind of overbearing parents that thought they were helping but really just smothered you?”

Edd winced. “No. As a child they were more hands on, yes. But… no.”

“Oh? Sorry dude. Was that too personal?”

“My parents are a bit of a sore spot.”

“Do you not get along?”

“As a child my parents were often absent but when they were around we were rather close. My dad moved out of the country for work though when I was in middle school and my mother moved in with her new boyfriend a year later.” He shrugged. “I’ve been… quite lonely. Kevin has helped a lot.”

“Oh. Shit dude. I’m sorry.”

Edd rubbed his neck again. “It is what it is. And I’m doing much better.”

“Well, if you’re ever feeling too lonely give me and Marta a call. We’ve told Abuela about you. She said anyone that can outtalk Marta is someone she wants to meet.”

“Thank you.” Edd seemed surprised by the invitation and felt emotional that they’d talk to their families about him.

“Hey babe.” Kevin said coming up behind Edd and hugging him to his chest.

“What’s up?” Tray greeted. 

Edd squeaked. Kevin’s chin had come to rest on the side of his neck that he’d bitten and with how much he’d been rubbing at it, it was even more sore than before.

Kevin didn’t recognize what was wrong and shifted to look at his boyfriend's face.

“ _Ah_.” Edd bit his lip to cut off his moan.

Kevin’s eyes widened and he removed his chin. “Shit, sorry.” 

Edd shook his head but didn’t release his lip.

Tray raised an eyebrow. “Let me guess.” He snorted.

“I’d prefer you didn’t.” Edd responded in a high voice.

“You’ve been rubbing at your neck because he gave you a monster hickey. Honestly that’s too funny. Come on, lemme see it.”

“You’ve been rubbing at it? It’s just gonna get worse.” Kevin chided.

Edd looked away with a blush. “I was nervous. It… helped.”

Kevin looked around despite they were the only three in the room and pulled the fabric of his shirt collar down, he knew the rope shape was gone and Edd didn't try to stop him.

“Fuck, babe.” 

“Jesus.” Tray said. “Did you mean to _maul_ him?”

“No-“ Kevin started but was cut off.

“Don’t blame him. I asked.” Edd said. 

“Is there a reason you asked for him to take a chunk of flesh out.”

“Don’t exaggerate.” Edd rolled his eyes. “I hadn’t realized.”

“Hadn’t realized you were being drained of blood because you asked him to become a vampire?”

“Ha-ha.” Kevin glared. “We were a little distracted.”

“I’m sure.” Tray laughed.

“We should get more cream on it.”

“I put it in my bag, just in case.” Edd replied.

Kevin dug it out and got to messaging the cool gel into the skin. 

“You’re quite the masochist.” Tray laughed.

Edd made a questioning face. “Masochist?”

Tray laughed and Kevin went a little pink. “Oh. I didn’t think of that. I mean I knew about it but...”

“What?” Edd asked. 

“It’s when someone’s into pain. Like sexually.” Tray said. “How didn’t you know that one.”

Edd blushed. “Oh. I guess.”

He thought for a second. “But not just any pain.” He said. “I just like that it was-“ his pink face turned bright red. “Never mind.”

“Oh go on.” Tray laughed.

Kevin capped the ointment and put the shirt back in place. 

Edd looked at Kevin then away. “I just like who made the pain.”

Kevin gulped. “You’re too much.”

“You know… I could just go and the two of you can go to the roof alone.” Tray grinned.

Edd shook his head. “We should eat.”

Kevin’s mouth went dry at the implication that it wasn’t because they were at school and he might have otherwise.

Tray laughed and clapped Kevin on the back. “You found your match.”

“Yeah.” Kevin nodded. “Sure did.”

* * *

Lunch passed without much fanfare. They’d taken their new favorite spot on the roof and more of the team and even some surrounding tables had come to take in the sun. It was a surprisingly perfect day and Kevin held his hand the whole time. Edd had whispered that sitting in his lap would be too tempting and Kevin had to agree, especially when Edd bit his ear and then slid from next to him to sit in his usual spot.

He was getting _very_ good at teasing.

At the end of lunch Kevin kissed his boyfriend goodbye, biting his lip before pulling back and grinning at the dazed look on Edd’s face.

“Payback.” He smiled.

Edd smiled back and licked his nipped lip. “Was it?”

Kevin stared at the pink shiny lip and he frowned. “You’re a terror.”

Edd laughed and Kevin couldn’t keep himself from holding back and kissed him again. 

“You’re so beautiful.” He groaned against his lips. “Love you.” He whispered after another kiss.

Edd whimpered. “Now that’s payback.” He said after pulling back a bit. “Love you too.” He whispered back. 

“See you after class.” He kissed him again.

Nazz very much felt like she was intruding.

“Come on!” She said. “You’re gonna be late.”

Edd snapped out of his romance induced trance and ran off. “Thank you Nazz! I’ll see you both after class.”

Kevin grinned and Nazz elbowed him. “You’re too much.”

Kevin just shrugged, still too happy. 

“So what are we getting at the store?” She asked. 

“Well we’re running out of food at his place but I’m also going to grab some condoms.”

She whistled. “So what was that earlier about _new_ _developments_?” She asked as they went down the stairwell.

“I’ll tell you when he’s in his session.” He said. “I’m kind of hoping for some advice too.”

“Finally I get to stretch my best friend muscles. I’m the best at advice.”

“I know. I’ve just been sort of unsure if I was allowed to bring anything up until earlier. I actually have an appointment to talk to my therapist soon too. Just a check in, you know. He’s dealing with some heavy stuff and I want to be able to help him without it being too much for me.”

“Man, I was just gearing up to say you should do that. Well if your weekend isn’t set to just lie in and use up your box of condoms how about you bring him to a party? Marta is throwing it at her Dad’s while he’s out. What do you think?”

“I’ll ask him. But if it’s Marta’s I think he’ll say yes.”

“Well we’re gonna be late again.” Nazz said, not even attempting to quicken her pace.

They were only there a few seconds after the final bell and while the teacher was annoyed she ignored it.

When the day finally ended Kevin apologized to his teacher who had asked him to help, yet again, and said he had somewhere to be. She was about to raise a stink until another student offered to take his place. He thanked the kid silently behind the teachers back and him and Nazz made their escape. 

Edd placed his bag in his locker since his work for the week was done and there wasn’t any reason to bring it home. 

He looked incredibly uncomfortable and tried hard not to panic. Without Kevin or any of his other new friends in his classes he found himself nearly clawing at his new mark to achieve that calm grounding he’d had before but each time was like the effect got weaker. He’d made a trip to the restroom half-way through his final class and it had started to bleed. He put more ointment and tried hard not to touch it but hadn’t succeeded.

“Still worried?” Kevin asked when he saw him.

“Yes. I’m pretty worried.” Edd said with a huff.

Edd leaned into Kevin’s chest and his arms immediately went around him.

“If you end up not liking this person we can always find you someone else.” Kevin said.

“What do you mean?”

“Well if you don’t like the way they practice you don’t have to go again. You can always find someone that fits you better.” 

“Oh?” He asked. “That… makes sense. I don’t have to keep going if the therapist says something that makes me uncomfortable?”

“You don’t even have to stay the whole session if that happens. Just call and we’ll be back as fast as we can.”

“Oh.” Edd calmed considerably. “I never thought of that. Is that really okay?”

“Marta’s first therapist was a guy named Leslie. She walked out immediately because she specifically asked for a woman. You’re totally allowed to leave if you don’t like the person.” Nazz added.

“And if you realize later that you don’t like something they said that you didn’t catch in the moment you can choose to talk to someone else too. No pressure.” Kevin said, kissing Edd’s temple.

Edd nodded. “Okay… it won’t be a bother to call out early?”

“Not at all.” Nazz said. “We’re just gonna make a trip to the grocery store across the street. We aren’t going far.”

Edd sighed and rested his head on Kevin’s shoulder. “Okay. Okay.” 

The drive was spent in relative silence. Relative because Nazz played her music obnoxiously loud. Kevin walked him in to get checked in. He didn’t leave him until he was called back. Edd looked scared but followed the receptionist to the room.

Kevin went back to the car and buckled himself in. “I hope he gets someone good on the first try. I don’t want him to get a worse taste in his mouth over this.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.” She said. “Now I’m dying to know though, what was it you needed advice on?”

Kevin chewed his lip and looked back to the building then back to Nazz. “I really fucked up his neck.”

“What?”

“He… we… I bit his neck cause he asked. He really likes it when I’m rough with him.” He was trying not to get embarrassed. 

“So are you just trying to brag?” She laughed. 

“No! I want to do what he likes but I feel so bad when I hurt him. Dude, I broke the skin! He bled. I don’t want that for him.”

“Then talk about it and set limits. Here-“ While driving she took out her phone and Kevin grabbed the wheel with a hiss.

“Look at the road!”

“Yeah yeah.” She said and Kevin’s phone pinged.

He let Nazz take the wheel back and looked at the link and sputtered.

“What is this!” He blushed.

“It’s a consent list. You can go over what you’re both okay with and what you’re absolutely not into.”

“Why do you have this?” He asked scanning the list with trepidation. He saw _‘collars’_ and blushed. He saved it. 

“I dated a girl that was into bondage.” She shrugged. “But she graduated last year and went to college out of state.”

“Mandy? Really?”

“Yep. Mostly rope bondage though.”

Kevin made a face. “I don’t think I want anything to do with rope.” 

“Yeah. I bet.” Nazz said, backing into a parking spot. “But that’s what the list is for. You can put down no. So can he. And then if you have different answers than you talk about it.”

“And if there’s something he wants that I just can’t bring myself to do?”

“Then you don’t do it. He wouldn’t make you do anything you didn’t want to any more then you would.” 

“That’s true.” He stared at the screen again and made it to spanking and closed his phone with a bright blush. 

“Ohhh found a favorite?” She asked. 

“Let’s just go inside.” He said unbuckling and skirting out of the car. 

“Oh come on.”

“Nope. Let’s shop.”

“Fine what are you getting besides condoms?”

A woman with a child in her cart glared at them and Kevin elbowed the blonde. “Can you say that _louder_?” He hissed.

She took a deep breath and he covered her mouth. 

“Fuck! I knew you’d try that. I’m just gonna grab some stuff to make some of the dishes I know.”

“Did you make a list?” 

“No. I just know what we have.” He shrugged. “I need to get some noodles, vegetables, chicken. That kind of stuff.”

“Well then I’m gonna peel off and get my own stuff. Call me when you’re done.”

He agreed and they went off in their own directions. Kevin parsed through the vegetable section and filled his basket. He remembered what Edd said and made sure to grab fruit as well. He kind of wished he waited until Edd could be with him. It would be good to see what Edd’s preferences were, but also it would have been nice to do this sort of menial task with him. Shopping together was just the sort of domestic task that Kevin had to admit he’d love to do while holding hands and cracking jokes. Though getting condoms together might be a tad bit more embarrassing. Especially at checkout.

He eyed the condoms with confusion. He didn’t know anything about sizing. Edd cleaned with latex gloves so he didn’t have any kind of allergy, right? He wasn’t sure about size either. Maybe medium? He hadn’t cared about that kind of thing since middle school and he’d obviously grown since then. He should have looked it up before he came to the store. He threw in medium hoping it was right and moved on, not wanting to be in front of them any longer. He grabbed the first bottle of lube he saw that was water based, he at least knew that much.

As he was about to head to the open register he passed the pet isle and froze. He darted his eyes and tried to pass. He turned and walked to the collars. There wasn’t much variety, it being a grocery store and not a pet store but he found a medium grey collar that looked like it would fit Edd’s thin neck… he shoved it in his cart and tried not to think too hard about it.

Checking out was fine until he got to the end. He coughed in his hand when the older woman checking him out got to the more embarrassing items. She didn’t even acknowledge them though, used to seeing far stranger things, and he sighed in relief. He paid the woman and Nazz was waiting next to the door with her own bags.

He waved and she placed her two bags in the flip-out seat of the cart.

“What’d you get?” She asked, peeking into the bag with the condoms.

“I didn’t know which size to get so I just grabbed medium.”

“Well at least you’re not delusional about your size.”

“What would you know.” He said. “You’ve never seen my dick.”

“Yeah but I’m sure you’re not so big it’s shocking or the guys would be making fun of you. It would have become a rumor and ballooned out of control.”

“Just because that happened to Mic doesn’t mean it was gonna happen to everyone else.” He said. 

“Not unless they were bigger than him.” Nazz said. “Anyone else close?”

Kevin elbowed her. “You’re not even into men.” 

“True but it’s still good gossip.” She said.

“Well I wouldn’t know. I don’t look like that. None of them are even close to my type.”

“And Edd’s thin and willowy body just gets you hot?”

“Oh shut up. He’s hot as hell. He’s got a super cute face. And his ass…” 

“My god you don't even realize how you sound.” She snickered. “He’s cute for sure but he’s like, pretty average.”

“Of course you’d think that. You’re a lesbian.” He scoffed. “Besides you’ve never seen him without his hat. Or naked. One of these days I’m gonna get him to wear stuff that really shows him off.”

“Ohhh was that the kink? Dressing him?”

“B- what? No? Is that a thing?” He’d only skimmed it but that seemed improbable. 

“Totally. Lots of submissives like to have their doms choose their clothes or other stuff like that.”

Submissive was a word that sent Kevin for a loop. It was a perfect word for the way he was in his floaty headspace.

They loaded their groceries and Kevin thought about that. 

“Hey,” he started, “Is it weird that sometimes D gets all… out of it and really happy but like he’s not completely there.”

Nazz blinked. “Do you mean subspace?”

“I guess?” He said. 

“How do you deal with it?” 

“He gets super cuddly so I usually just lay with him until he comes back. Is there something I’m supposed to be doing?”

“Well you seem to be doing what’s right for him but when does it happen? I’ve only heard of it happening after really intense scenes.”

“Well. The first time we weren’t even having sex. He just zoned out completely when I was washing his hair. He started to shake. I think he was just really overwhelmed being taken care of.”

“And the next time?”

“After Eddy broke in. He was so upset. He basically bagged me to hold him down.”

“And he acted the same?”

“Yeah, he couldn’t talk for a bit but when he mostly comes to, he's really affectionate.”

“And that was it?”

“There was one other time…” he said.

She raised an eyebrow. “And?”

“Last night… When I bit him. He _really_ liked it. I still feel terrible.”

“And when he came out of it?”

“He said he likes it and that he’ll think of how it happened whenever it hurts.”

“Then why do you feel bad? It seems like he’s happy.”

“I just… it _bled._ Not much but I don’t like seeing him hurt like that. He only talked about how much he loved it so it feels stupid that it’s freaking me out and in the moment it was hot but… I dunno. I feel like a bad person for liking it, even if he enjoyed it more than me.”

“Top drop.” She said as though he should know what she meant. “Basically the side effect of a lack of personal aftercare. What do you think might make you feel better?”

“I… I don’t know. I think I just want to spend the night taking care of him. Maybe have sex but I’d be just as happy to just… make sure he was good.”

“God you’re a sap. Tell him that. Maybe take the night to go over the list and take care of each other. Set up an aftercare box for the both of you.”

“You make me feel so stupid. Aftercare sounds pretty self explanatory but humor me.”

“After you spank him or whatever it is you two like, when he’s coming out of it you can have like, a cool compress and maybe some aspirin and a water bottle at the ready. That way you don’t have to leave the room.”

Kevin tried not to let it show how much the guess at spanking had affected him.

“Oh that’s totally your thing isn’t it.” She grinned when he refused to comment. “Spanking him? Really. That’s so vanilla. Of all the things on the list to be embarrassed about.”

“I just like his ass okay!” He said. 

“He did look good in those workout shorts. Maybe you _should_ take him clothes shopping.”

“So I’ve been doing everything right?”

“Seems like it. I mean it might be odd how easily he slips into subspace but It makes sense that everything is really intense for him because he’s been so lonely.”

“And it’s not a bad thing for him to be there?”

“Nah. You just need to take care of him while he’s there. If it’s too intense he might cry but that’s not always a bad thing. Lots of people find it cathartic and nice to let go that much. I don’t think you’d be able to handle seeing him crying because of you though. Which is why I’m warning you.”

He felt his chest tighten. “Yeah. Thanks. I really don’t think I could…”

“If it really bothers you this much you can also just not do it. I’m sure he’d be just as happy to have vanilla sex.”

He hadn’t even thought of that. He didn’t really care for that either though. “I love seeing him like that. All blissed out and without any worries. I want to bring him there. I just don’t want to do it in a way that could do any real damage.”

Nazz nodded. “Just watch out for top drop then. Maybe you can get some massage oil or lotion. Do something to take care of him and confirm you’re not a bad person for loving him in the way he wants. You need to take care of yourself too.”

“Yeah. That’s a good idea.” He said. He thought about what else he could do. 

Nazz bit her lip, wondering if she should say anything. Ultimately she decided it was best to talk about it though. “You realize how fast you guys are moving right?”

“It’s bound to happen with us staying together like we are.” Kevin said getting out of his head.

“At least you can admit it.” She started the car. They had a while still but she figured they could wait in the therapist’s parking lot.

“I can’t say I’m unhappy about it though. I wish I’d known how amazing he was before all of this. I hate that I could have been there before and I just wasn’t.”

“As much as you want to help it’s not your problem to solve and it’s not your fault it happened. He needs to want it for himself too.”

“I know. I really hope he does. That’s why I was so excited when he said he’d go to therapy.”

“You’ve only been together a week- not even. Don’t expect that years of isolation and depression can be fixed by the power of love. It’s going to take a while.”

“I know. I’m not going to give up because his recovery isn’t fast enough. I love him. It’s not going to always be easy but I’m willing to fight for it.”

“But is he?” She asked. “You’re so willing to make sure he doesn’t get hurt you’re not making sure you won’t either. I’m not saying he wants to, or even that he will. Just that you need to take care of yourself and let him take care of you too.”

Kevin sighed. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”


	14. Chapter 14

Edd had been expecting someone severe and serious with a tight bun and a dour face in a shaft minimalist office but when he sat down he was greeted by a round friendly woman with an upturned nose in a warm comfortable room. It was like he walked into a tiny library.

“Hello. Eddward was it? I’m Margo. What brings you in today?” She asked.

“Oh… uh… hello. I’m...” Edd started but paused, not sure how to answer. “I’m… s-sorry.” He said, already tearing up.

“It’s alright honey. Here.” She handed him the box of tissues but he declined and took out his handkerchief. He realized he hadn’t washed it and dropped it back in his lap, accepting a tissue.

“I’m admittedly a little scared of…” he trailed off and waved his hand to signal ‘all of this’ and blew his nose.

“And why is that?” Margot had the same kind of soft open demeanor Kevin got when he asked probing questions and Edd instantly relaxed. Her round hazel eyes had even reminded him of Kevin.

“I had a psychologist as a child. He was arrested for malpractice because of his use of unsubstantiated medical practices on minors. It was... traumatic to say the least.”

“If this is so triggering for you, why did you set an appointment?”

“Um. Well, my boyfriend has been talking about how helpful it was for him and… I Uh… I recently…” he trailed off. She seemed nice but it was still hard to talk about to a stranger.

“If that’s too difficult, how about you tell me about your boyfriend.”

“Oh.” Edd’s eyes shined with excitement. “He’s… perfect. We only started dating very recently but he’s helped me so much. I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy. I was so used to being alone all the time and now I couldn't imagine what it was like, feeling that lonely.”

“Why were you so lonely?” 

“Ah. Well. I’ve lived alone for the last four years. My best friend was sent to military school and my only other friend stopped talking to me almost two years ago. I hadn’t really… made any friends since then. We all had a pretty bad reputation because of Eddy and because of that I was mostly ignored.”

“And Eddy was the friend that went to military school?”

“No. That was Ed. Eddy was the one who decided he’d rather not be friends after I came out as gay to him.”

“That must have been rough. I’m sorry. So all of you were named Edward though?” She seemed incredulous and that disarmed Edd that it forced a chortle out of him.

“Yes. We all grew up on the same street too. My nickname was, is, Double D because of it.”

“Well then how did you meet your boyfriend?”

“We actually grew up together. He also lives in the same cul-de-sac. We’ve been going to school together since elementary. Honestly me and the Eds were sort of the outcast kids. Eddy liked to run scams to try and pilfer money from the other kids. Kevin, my boyfriend, used to, for the most part, try to stop us. He hated Eddy. Not that Eddy was much better.”

“So if there was so much animosity how did you guys start dating?”

“Ah… well. That’s sort of… why I’m here.”

She waited and didn’t interrupt while he tried to get the words together.

“I may have been… harming myself.” He didn’t quite want to say he’d been trying to kill himself. He could probably still be sent on suicide watch and he wasn’t willing to be _that_ upfront right away.

She was still quiet, waiting for him to continue.

“He caught me… it wasn't my finest moment. But he cleaned up my… my blood and took care of me. He’s spent the last week at my house making sure I don’t hurt myself again. His friends have been very kind to me and I’ve even made a few of my own. He’s given me a lot of confidence to branch out. The day we started dating was because I set this appointment. He’s been… he’s amazing. I really love him.” His cheeks bloomed pink but he smiled into his lap, messing with his handkerchief, before he remembered again what he last cleaned with it and shoved it back in his pocket. He saw hand sanitizer on the desk and pumped some into his hand.

“Congratulations. I’m very happy you’ve decided to start healing. Can you tell me why you harm yourself?”

“I was just so lonely. It took away that sting of knowing every day I’d come home to an empty house, day in and day out.”

“And your parents? Why aren’t you living with them?”

My father is in Thailand for work. My mother… I’m not entirely sure where she lives. It’s not far but I haven’t seen her since last year when she came to get her bed.”

“Why did she move out?”

“She went to live with her new boyfriend.” His eyes went glossy and his voice monotone.

“I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve to be left alone like that while you still needed someone.”

“That’s what Kevin said.” He rubbed his eyes and then the side of his neck and winced.

“Are you okay?” She asked seriously.

“Yes. I Ah… may have a hickey that’s a bit tender.” He blushed.

She calmed at that. “So you and your boyfriend are sexually active? You don’t feel coerced, scared, or anything like that?”

“No! No. I’m… I really like it, him. Being intimate.” He bit his lip. If there was some place to gush it was therapy. “He’s very good at making sure I’m happy. If anything I feel like I’m the pushy one when it comes to sex. He still feels terrible about the hickey despite how much I’ve told him I like it.”

She smiled at his admission. “So what do you think you want from therapy, Eddward?”

“I… I want to not think about hurting myself anymore I guess. Kevin shouldn’t have to give up his life because I can’t be trusted being left alone. Maybe stop having nightmares… Kevin had also wanted me to mention when I go… out of body.”

“What do you mean by that?” She scribbled something in her notepad and it made him nervous.

“Sometimes if I see a mess I just stop thinking. All I can think about is cleaning it. Sometimes I’ll spend hours scrubbing the carpet or cleaning the bathtub and come to with chemical burns. It doesn’t happen as often as it did when I was a child but it does still happen. Especially with bodily fluids. Blood and vomit principly.”

“That sounds serious. And seeing a mess causes it? Do you think you know why it happens?”

“When I was a child I was in a major car accident. Blood is the only thing I can remember from it though. Well the only thing I think is real from what I remember. The psychologist had used hypnotherapy to make me relive it every session. I think it might have something to do with that.”

“And do you have other obsessively clean habits?”

“Ah… well yes. I like to be organized but… I do find that sometimes it’s overbearing how much I feel the need to keep things as clean as I can. It’s like pin pricks in my brain if I leave a mess uncleaned. When I’d originally started self harming it was because the pain would often override my panic at things being disorderly. That method didn’t last long though. Seeing blood would send me spiraling into flashbacks and I’d wake up the next day with my hands chapped and burned from washing them with bleach.”

“That sounds severe. Have you ever gotten a diagnosis from anyone for that?”

“I was diagnosed with PTSD by that psychologist but I don’t put much stock into that.” He said bitterly.

“Well I think PTSD might be fitting, but not necessarily from the accident. Have you considered that what that doctor did might be the cause for your fear? It seems like cleaning was something you could control, and I’d wager a guess and say that adults praised you for it so it became an obsessive habit.”

“I… yeah. That’s… maybe too accurate for the little information I gave you.” Edd blinked.

Her moon shaped face had a sad smile. “You’d be surprised how many young people come in with PTSD and OCD because of emotional trauma stemming from lack of control. For some it’s life changing accidents. For others it’s abuse. But the common denominator in them all is that the adults around them facilitated their compulsions because they seemed like they were ‘good’ compulsions until they weren’t anymore.”

“Oh... And the… trances?”

“I’d wager a guess to say PTSD induced dissociation, of course I’m not going to say anything definitively in our first session. I’m going to let you look into the symptoms and you can mull over if it sounds right to you and we can discuss it in our next session- if there is one. After all, you’re the one living it.”

“Oh… are there any websites or books you recommend?” He asked. He wasn’t expecting to be talked to so frankly but also given so much freedom. He sort of expected to come in, be told what was wrong with him, and leave feeling terrible. Leaving with homework though made him feel much calmer, he had a say.

“I’ll give you a print out at the end of the session. It will have addresses to relevant websites and some information of its own.”

Edd nodded. He felt lighter knowing something was in his hands. “Uh… I have another question… but if it’s… not appropriate let me know.”

Margot smiled. “Nothing is too personal here.”

“With my recent… sex life. I’ve found that I… possibly enjoy pain more than what is commonly accepted,” He played with the hem of his shirt, “and find that I enjoy being held down, my control being taken away, that kind of thing. Is that… do you think that might have anything to do with my trauma.”

“Maybe.” She said. “Does it worry you?”

“I don’t know. I really enjoy it and I sometimes reach this really blissful happy place that makes all of my worries and fears just… vanish. But to get there I feel like I have to be overstimulated and to do that pain is… something that works well. Is that… am I broken?” He’d been burying his fear but he wanted to unpack it and uncritically examine it but couldn’t. There was too much emotion wrapped around it. Did it feeling good negate the fact he was still asking to be hurt? Was it the same as when he self-harmed? It didn’t seem the same but again was his pleasure overriding his logic brain?

“You’re not broken. You just work a little differently. Often people in situations like yours turn to bondage to take their minds off their mental pain and replace it with a more physical pain, which is easier to deal with. It also helps that it releases a lot of pleasant chemicals like endorphins and dopamine. It’s not wrong to like it. So long as you do it safely.”

“So… wanting to be hurt isn’t the same thing as self harm?”

“Well it may not be ideal in your situation, but having someone else administering the pain is much safer. They can monitor you and make sure you aren’t being pushed too far. Has your partner done this sort of thing before? Been a dominant?”

Edd shook his head. “We’re sort of learning this together. He’s reluctant to hurt me and he’s… well he’s truly wonderful. He’ll hold me down when I ask but otherwise he’s very gentle.” 

He blushed at his own phrasing. “I sound like a middling romance novel.”

Margot chuckled. “No, I think that’s good for you. You don’t know how many people, especially young people, come in abused and forced into sexual situations they don’t know how to say no to. It’s nice to see that you’re so in love and confident that your partner wants what’s best for you.”

Edd smiled shyly. “I really got lucky.”

“So what about your other friends, the new ones you mentioned.”

“Well recently I’ve started talking to Marta and Tray. They’re hilarious. I’ve never met two people who could be so sharp. My previous friend, Eddy, could be quick witted with an insult but he was never funny like them and I like that we can playfully tease each other. And there’s Nazz, Kevin’s best friend. She’s… I don’t even know. She’s nosy but well meaning. I’m still getting used to her even though we grew up together. Mic, who’s surprisingly intelligent. I’m used to the kind of guy he is resting on his laurels, but he actually tries hard in school. And we’ll, there’s Ed.”

Margot was frantically scribbling down their names as fast as she could. “Ed was the one that went to military school?”

He realized what she was writing was notes so she wouldn’t have to ask him to repeat himself and felt much calmer about the scratchy sound of pen to paper.

“Yes. He’s always been my best friend despite our myriad differences.” He said with soft eyes. “He didn’t do anything wrong to get sent off like he was. He just followed along with Eddy’s dumb scheme and got into trouble. He didn’t even know what he’d done wrong. He wrote me a letter just the other day. He wasn’t allowed to until recently because there was a misunderstanding that I was still in contact with Eddy.” He gripped the arms of the plush chair he was sitting in. “He has a learning disability and Eddy was using his inability to understand he was being used to sneak marijuana into school and distribute said drugs.”

“Have you ever done any drugs, smoked cigarettes, anything like that?” She asked. He figured it was something she had to ask but it felt a little jarring to jump from one topic to another. It was as smooth a transition that she could probably find though.

“Lord no.” He said with a disgusted face. “I hate the smell of marijuana and cigarettes and I was put on many unpleasant medications as a child. I’m not interested in that sort of thing.”

“So then, are you opposed to the idea of being put on medication?”

“I…” he swallowed. His biggest fear was that he might be forced to take medication if he came. “Currently. Yes I’m opposed.” 

She nodded. “All right. Good to know. Can you tell me your history with medication? What you’ve been on and how it affected you, if you remember?”

“I was put on Prozac, Wellbutrin and Klonopin.”

“Milligrams?” She asked, writing it down.

“Prozac 80, Wellbutrin 150, and klonopin 1.5.” He recited. He wouldn’t forget it despite being so young when he’d been prescribed.

“And what age were you?” She asked, her eyebrows were furrowed.

“4.” He said.

She dropped her pen. “My word! You were on adult dosages at that age? How long did you take them?” Worry was written clear on her face.

“About 2 years, until I had to go to the hospital. They had to detox me because my kidneys started to fail. My mother continued to occasionally give me half a Prozac when I would have panic attacks though, despite the hospital's warnings.”

Margot placed her hand on her head like she was fighting back a headache.

“I’m so sorry that someone in my profession would be so... careless- so reckless. Let me stop before I say something I shouldn’t in front of you.” She sighed and chugged a water bottle. She took a second more to be upset and took a deep breath. “I definitely will not be recommending seeking medication unless something comes up and I feel you would need it. I would have likely recommended a mood stabilizer but with your history I think it would do more harm than good.”

“Thank you.” Edd sighed in relief. “I appreciate that. This isn’t what I thought therapy would be like at all. Your transparency has been… reassuring to say the least.”

“Approaches must be tailor fit to the person. I can tell that you’re a well educated young man and that you value honesty and to be given space. Some people need to just be told what they need to fix and others need some of both.” She put her notepad down.

The rest of the session was spent talking about his friendships, his past with Ed and Eddy, what his plans for the future were. It felt less like he was being monitored and more like a conversation. It was pleasant and by the end he was surprised at how fast it went by and how light he felt after.

“Well that’s our time. How about I see you back here next week? Same time?

“Yes, that sounds perfect. Thank you.” He let the way he came, she handed him a print out that he folded and put in his pocket and set the next appointment in the computer. When Edd came out Kevin was sitting in the waiting room.

“Hey, babe.” He stood up and looked at how calm Edd seemed. “Good?” He asked with obvious glee.

“Yes. Great.” He said, grabbing Kevin’s hand with a smile. “Shall we?” He asked motioning to the door.

Kevin squeezed his hand back and when they’d gotten back to the car Edd leaned up to kiss his boyfriend. “Thank you. You were right.”

Kevin cornered him against the car. “Have I been wrong yet?” He chuckled. 

“Mmm no. Not yet.” He pulled him down for another kiss. His stomach rumbled, shocking both of them.

Kevin grinned. “I bought stuff to make some food. Anything sound particularly good? Keep in mind I’m the one cooking.”

“Anything you make sounds perfect.”

Nazz honked the car horn. Edd jumped but Kevin was used to her honking.

“Hurry it up, I wanna go hooome.” She complained.

“We’re having a moment!” Kevin stuck his tongue out at her.

“Save the tongue for your boyfriend!” She teased. Edd laughed and grabbed Kevin’s shirt collar and pulled him into an open mouthed kiss.

“Don’t mind if I do.” He said when he released. He opened the car door and got in. Kevin stood shocked at his boyfriend's brazen behavior and Nazz guffawed. 

“Tease.” He said, getting into the backseat.

“You seem calmer.” Nazz said.

“It was actually very illuminating. I have another appointment next week.”

“Good for you!” She said. “How did you like the therapist?”

“She wasn’t what I was expecting, which was for the best.”

Kevin leaned forward in his seat to put a hand on Edd’s shoulder.

“I’m so glad you got someone good.”

Edd put his hand on Kevin’s. 

“Thank you.” He said. “So you guys went grocery shopping?”

“Kevin did. I got some stuff for my hair. I’ve been thinking about dying it.”

“Oh what color?” Edd asked politely and ran his fingers up Kevin’s hand. Happy to be touching.

“I know it won’t be too big a change but I was thinking orange.”

“Trying to copy me? I know redheads have it good but I’ve heard blondes have more fun.” Kevin teased.

Nazz blew a raspberry. “Not strawberry blonde or redhead red. Bright safety vest orange.”

“I bet that will look good with your eyes.” Edd said. 

“Thank you for the support. You’re a _much_ better friend then Kevin.” She joked.

“He’s a much better boyfriend.” Edd said, squeezing his hand. 

They pulled into the driveway and said their goodbyes. Kevin put his arm around Edd and nuzzled his face. His other arm was laden with groceries. Edd had grabbed a couple of the lighter bags.

They put the groceries away together and the second the last box was put away Edd was the one cornering Kevin. He backed him into the corner counter.

“Might want a snack before the meal.” 

Kevin gave him a toothy smile. “That was almost as cheesy as I usually am.”

Edd laughed lightly but ran his fingers under the hem of Kevin’s shirt.

Kevin’s stomach twitched at the contact, Edd had just been putting away groceries in the freezer. “Cold!” He laughed and tried to back away, already cornered.

Edd pressed his hands more firmly against him and snickered. Kevin grabbed him and spun him around, picking him up, and placing him on the counter. 

Kevin kissed him deeply and Edd sighed and moaned, putting his arms around his neck and his legs around his hips. 

“Let me make you food. I have a present for you after.” Kevin said into Edd’s ear and he shivered. 

“Mmm. Fine.” He sighed dreamily. 

Kevin made them both honey garlic chicken on rice and carrots. Simple but his mom's favorite quick recipe. They were at the table and eating within the half hour.

“This is amazing.” Edd said, covering his mouth.

“I’ll tell my mom. It’s her recipe. I was actually thinking that we could go eat at my house this week. Maybe meet my parents…officially, you know.” Kevin was looking sheepish.

“Of course.” Edd’s eyes were bright and he looked happy and flushed. “I’d love that.”

Kevin breathed out in relief. 

“Did you think I’d say no?” He asked, sipping his water. 

“No. But I am glad you’re excited to and not nervous.” 

“So what’s the surprise?” Edd asked between bites. He’d been given a pretty average sized plate but he was making his way through it without issue. 

Kevin chewed his lip. “Okay. Wait here. Let me grab something.”

Edd continued eating and Kevin pulled out a bag he’d hid.

“Don’t feel pressured or think we have to tonight or anything. I just figured. We’d talked about it and… well here.”

He handed Edd the bag. He pulled out the contents and the light dusting of pink on his face belied his thoughts.

“I would very much like to tonight.” He said, his voice husky with want.

Kevin had taken out the collar and put it in his pocket before they left. He’d give it to him… later.

“You should finish your food.” Kevin said. His voice took on a slightly more demanding tone.

Edd bit his lip. “Okay.” They both ate quickly after that and when Kevin had finished Edd took no time sliding into his lap.

They kissed like air was optional. Kevin cupped Edd’s jaw to lean his head and Edd twitched and moaned at the contact with his neck. After clawing at it the second half of the day it was worse then it started, but Kevin hadn’t seen yet.

Kevin peeled the collar down and gasped. “Babe!”

It had been hard to pull away the shirt, dried blood had crusted it to the wound and it was now bleeding again.

“Sorry.” He whimpered. “I didn’t mean to.”

“Get the first aid kit and meet me in the bedroom. I’m gonna grab a few things before going up. Okay?”

“Okay.” He said, giving Kevin an apologetic kiss. 

Kevin bit Edd’s lip. “Don’t do this again.” He said, a command, not a request.

“Okay.” Edd shuddered. He liked that.

Edd climbed the stairs two at a time. Kevin heard the shower and knew he’d give himself a through once over, giving Kevin plenty of time to prepare.

He sent the checklist to Edd’s printer and hit to make 2 copies. While he waited for that to boot up and print he grabbed a reusable bag and put the condoms and lube in along with a few snacks and water bottles. He grabbed a hand towel and a regular towel from the laundry room and filled a bowl with water. When the checklists were printed he folded them and placed them in the bag as well and went to the bedroom to set up.

He placed the water bowl on the bedside table and stripped the bed, folded the sheets off to the side, and placed the towel down. Nazz’s idea of an aftercare box gave him the idea to get everything ready beforehand and he was sure Edd would appreciate the forethought.

He pulled off his shirt but left his pants on. The light weight of the collar felt like it was burning a hole in his pocket but he continued in his preparation. He placed the water bottles and snacks and broke the seal on the lube and condoms so he wouldn’t have to mess with them in the moment. By the time he heard the shower turn off everything was set up.

Edd opened the door in only a towel and he was carrying the med box from his bathroom.

“Come here.” Kevin said, motioning beside him.

“Oh.” Edd said looking at the set up. “You’ve really put thought into this.” He looked impressed.

“Of course I have.” Kevin smiled with triumph and patted the bed. 

Edd sat next to him and opened the kit.

“How did it get so much worse?” Kevin moved Edd’s head and ran his thumb over the swollen flesh.

“I got too nervous. It’s actually embarrassing how scared I was now.”

Kevin put some antibiotic cream over the wound and Edd’s hands came to rest on Kevin’s chest. 

“Tonight,” Kevin said, “Is gonna be about being gentle. Is that okay?” He asked. “I don’t think I can do something like this again so soon.”

“Anything.” Edd sighed. “As long as it’s you.” 

“I love you.” Kevin placed a patch bandage just large enough over the mark. 

Edd’s heart fluttered. “I love you too.”

“I do have… one more thing for you though.”

Edd’s eyes blinked open, he hadn’t even known he closed them, caught up in the euphoria of the pressure of the bandage being adhered.

Kevin took out the collar and pressed it into Edd’s hand. “It’s okay if it was just fantasy but…” he trailed off.

Edd looked at it. He didn’t seem to react. He put it back in Kevin’s hand. 

“Put it on me?” He whispered. His voice was shaky and thick. “Please.”

Kevin shivered at the tone. He snapped it around Edd’s neck. It was loose and he adjusted it to fit snug.

Edd touched it. “How does it look?”

“You’re beautiful.” Kevin brushed it with his fingertips. “And mine.” Kevin thought he might understand how Edd felt when he floated away because seeing his pretty little boyfriend naked except for a collar, a collar that represented his claim, a physical object that marked him as belonging to him, made Kevin feel like he was gasping for air in an ocean of pleasure.

“Yours.” Edd said just as dreamily. 

Kevin kissed him and backed him onto the bed.

“I’m going to really make you mine.” Kevin said against his lips. “Would you like that?”

“Yes!” Edd moaned. 

Kevin grabbed Edd’s hips and pulled them up, placing Edd’s knees on his shoulders.

“First though.” He said. “I think I deserve dessert.”

Edd snorted but it quickly turned into a moan. “You’re so cheesy.” He said with both pleasure and humor.

“You’re sweet- kind of like honey.” Kevin said, pressing his tongue flat against Edds quivering entrance.

Edd moaned and relaxed into the familiar pleasure of being rimmed. He wasn’t sure why it was Kevin’s favorite thing to do, the first time he’d covered his face and could only murmur, “Dirty, dirty, filthy, dirty” until he was shaking and cumming and he’d not had a problem since, so long as he cleaned up first, of course.

Kevin uncapped the lube and coated his fingers in it. He pulled off to take a breath and slipped two fingers in. The added slide of the lube made it much easier to immediately hit his sweet spot. Edd gasped at sudden entrance but it was so smooth he didn’t tense at all.

“Good boy.” Kevin said.

Edd gasped at the words and Kevin felt him tighten up. 

Kevin enjoyed slowly taking Edd apart until he was a quivering mess. Kevin slid a third finger in and Edd whimpered, wordlessly begging.

“What do you want pet?” Kevin asked. “I’ll give you whatever you want. Tell me.”

“Please!” Edd cried out. “Please!”

“Please what baby?” He asked with a smile. He loved how wild Edd would get when he was close.

“Fuck me!” He wailed.

“Try again.” Kevin teased, removing his fingers.

“Mm!!” He huffed. “M-make love to me?” He asked panting, too deep in it to be embarrassed about how corny the phrase was.

“Good pet. Turn over.” Kevin ordered.

Edd looked confused.

“Don’t worry baby. Just gotta get you used to it.” Edd nodded in a pre-orgasm daze.

Kevin took a pillow and placed it under Edd to elevate his hips. He tried unwrapping a condom but messed up, ripping the first one while rolling it down it. He opened another and more carefully put it on. He used more lube and Edd whined in anticipation.

“Just a second.” He said, rubbing Edd’s lower back with his dry hand.

Edd lifted his hips in the air. “Hurry.”

He pulled the round globes apart and pressed the tip of his shaft against his slick hole.

“Fuck, I can’t believe I’m finally gonna be in you.”

Kevin slowly pressed into the tight heat and tried hard not to just surge forward. He put his hands on either side of Edd’s head and breathed deep when his tip pushed through the right ring of muscle.

Edd moaned long and high at the deep stretching feeling.

“Fuck!” Kevin grunted.

Edd shook with fervor. “God! Yes!” He screamed. 

“You’re so tight." Kevin dropped his head to Edd’s shoulder as Edd’s insides spasmed around him. He mouthed a kiss to his shoulder blade. “You’re twitching so much baby, you okay?”

Edd moaned. “It’s so good!” 

“I need you to relax. I can’t move with you tightening up.” He ran his hand up and down Edd’s back.

He nodded and tried to breathe evenly, focusing on the soothing motion.

Kevin inched forward when Edd’s thighs stopped trembling. After several long torturous minutes his pelvis pressed against Edd's perfect ass. 

“I’m all the way in.” He said into the back of Edd’s neck.

Edd turned his head to look at his boyfriend. Kevin used that opportunity to capture his mouth. Panting between each wet kiss.

“Move.” Edd whispered and Kevin gulped.

He pulled back and shallowly pushed back in, neither were prepared for the intensity of it. 

Kevin stilled, the movement proving to be too much. 

Edd gave a sharp cry and tried to push back into the overbearing pleasure. Kevin grabbed his hips and Edd nearly screamed in frustration.

“Fuck, baby. Not gonna last long of you keep doing that.”

Edd buried his face into the mattress and tried to control himself. “S-sorry. Just… want, need-”

Kevin slid further in just a bit to tease. “What do you need, pet?”

“You!” He shouted and bucked his hips up. 

Kevin’s lubed hand slid and Edd impaled himself completely making them both give a keening yelp. 

Kevin pulled out and Edd whimpered at the empty feeling.

“Turn over, wanna see you.” Kevin rasped out.

Edd wasted no time and flipped over. Kevin adjusted the pillow under him and grabbed him under the knees. He coated himself with more lube and before Edd could beg he pressed back into him, all the way to the root.

The new position hitting deeper, Edd threw his head back. His mouth dropped open and let out a silent scream.

“Fuck baby. So good. Look at you taking me.” He stared at where they were connected. 

It was easier to control Edd’s thrusting from this position and Edd could tell how much less motion he had, taking pleasure in the way he was being lightly restrained. 

Kevin started to thrust slowly, getting used to the new position. After several thrusts he built up a slow rhythm and soon he was pulling back and pushing in all the way. Kevin removed his hands from holding Edd’s knees and pressed into the bed, framing him in. 

The sudden shift made Kevin’s blunt head drag against Edd’s sensitive bundle of nerves and his legs hooked around Kevin.

“Yes!” He sobbed.

“Right there?” Kevin asked and repeated the motion. 

Edd gasped and wrapped his arms around Kevin’s neck, he tightened up again and a chuckle got caught in Kevin’s throat turning into a moan on the way out.

Kevin tried to hit his prostate again with his new, shallower, range of motion. Apparently the pose had him grinding right against his sweet spot because every movement had Edd on edge. His breath came out in short choppy moans and he was mumbling things like, “Please,” and “Yes” and “Harder.” The last one was almost funny with how much Edd was restricting him from going any harder, being so wrapped around him.

Kevin moved his still slightly slippery hand to grasp Edd, dripping with precum, between their bodies and at the overstimulation he released with a shuddering moan. Edd’s arms fell away and Kevin went to pull out but Edd’s legs tightened around him.

“Inside.” Edd moaned. “Want you to cum while inside me.” 

Kevin groaned. “Yeah? Fuck, you’re so sexy. Love you so much.” 

Edd’s breath hitched at Kevin’s harder thrust. He started to really drive into his body. Edd enjoyed the feeling of being filled so much he could already feel himself getting hard again. 

Kevin changed position again, sitting back up and grabbing onto Edd's wrists, similar to when they’d been on the couch frotting. Using the leverage to pull him back and get deeper, harder thrusts.

The deep press and retraining of his arms while so deep in his afterglow was sending Edd floating but it wasn’t quite enough.

“Kevin, please! Need more.” He whined, he wanted to be bit, hurt, something!

Kevin redoubled his efforts and slammed into his pretty panting boyfriend.

“Look at you, begging me to fuck you harder. My little pet, wearing my collar. You’re so full of me and you still want more.”

It wasn’t what Edd had in mind but it worked. The praise and reminder of the collar around his neck sent him floating gently into subspace.

Kevin snapped his hips home one more time and teetered over the edge, grinding and hitting deep while pulling Edd back hard. Edd’s insides tightening as he came a second time, sensitive and overstimulated from his first orgasm.

Kevin fell sideways onto the small bed. Edd instantly glommed onto him and sucked kisses into Kevin’s neck. He sighed with contentment and enjoyed the intimacy of the moment, running one hand through his boyfriend’s messy black hair and the other rubbing circles into his lower back. He knew with how hard he’d gotten towards the end Edd was going to have some discomfort tomorrow. A small part of him enjoyed that Edd would not only feel it tomorrow but it might also be something that he savors, the way he had the bite, but without creating an open wound.

Edd kissed his way up Kevin’s jaw to whisper thanks and gratitude. Kevin didn’t realize how much he’d enjoy that- not sexually, maybe Edd could go several rounds but he needed at least a half an hour, maybe a full hour before he could get himself back into working order- but on a more emotional level. He felt any small bit of tension and discomfort about how he might have hurt his lover drain away at the soft, almost incomprehensible babbles of “Thank you,” repeated into his ear.

“Yeah? That what you needed, baby?” He asked.

Edd nodded into his neck and continued alternating kissing and nuzzling the flesh.

“Never felt so good. Wanna have you inside me all the time. Thank you. Love you.”

Kevin chuckled. Thanking your partner after sex had to be kinda weird but he liked how much Edd was showering him with affection. Usually he was pretty quiet after sex so this shift to praise was interesting and welcome. 

Edd eventually settled and Kevin kissed his forehead. 

Edd’s happy unfocused eyes shut and he hummed in appreciation.

“You still floating?” Kevin asked.

Edd nodded.

“Didn’t even have to hurt you baby. I Love seeing you like this.” He dropped another kiss on his forehead.

Edd hummed and kissed Kevin’s clavicle in turn. “Love you.” Was his response. Whether he heard him clearly or just the word ‘love’ was debatable but Kevin let him soak in subspace for a while longer, content with the knowledge it wasn’t anything to worry over. He tied off the condom and threw it in the trash he’d dragged over earlier without getting up.

Eventually feeling returned to Edd’s fingers and toes and he started to gain his facilities back.

“Sticky, sticky, sticky.” Was his first words out of it.

Kevin laughed. “Let me take care of that.”

He got the hand towel he’d brought up wet and wrung it out in the basin. 

He wiped up the mess from his chest, down his stomach, and down between his legs. He rinsed it back in the bowl and wiped off the mess that had transferred to his own body and placed it back in the water.

“Here, sit up.” Kevin said, handing him some water.

Edd smiled at the preparation and took sips until it was half gone before screwing the top back on.

“So organized.” Edd fake swooned and Kevin chuckled.

“I also brought up some granola bars, and with the towel down- no crumbs. I’ve truly thought of everything.” He said it like he was gloating but had a joking smile.

“If anyone can appreciate preparedness it’s me.” 

“Oh, let me get that off-“ Kevin motioned to the collar and Edd put his hand over it, as though checking it was still there.

“Actually.” He blushed. “Maybe I’ll wear it… a bit longer.”

“Yeah?” Kevin gave a sly grin. “Bet you could get away with wearing it to school under your shirt.”

Edd’s face went from pink to red but he didn’t move. Just bit his lip.

“You’ve thought of that already, huh? Kinky.” He laughed.

“I talked to Margot a bit about… the liking pain thing. She doesn’t think it’s anything to worry about so long as we do our research and are safe.”

“Actually, speaking of.” Kevin said. He grabbed the bag and handed over the folded paper. 

“What is-“ Edd asked before looking. “A spreadsheet. You really do know the way to my heart.” He chuckled.

“Read it, dork.” It was said with so much affection Edd had to laugh at the use of his old insult. “It’s a bdsm checklist. Basically we each go down the list- I have one too- and put down if we’re curious about something or if it’s not for us. Here-“ he pointed, “is the guide. Hard no for things that you refuse to do. Soft no for things you might try but only after a lot of planning or talk, and curious for things you want to try, and like for things you know you want.”

Edd read down the list, there was a giving and receiving column and the back was also printed on. “My, this is detailed.”

“Yeah there’s stuff that I think we’ll end up skipping over, and believe it or not this was the shorter one for beginners.”

Edd grabbed them each a pencil and hardcover book to lean on from his desk.

Kevin had to ask what some words meant, ("I mean what the fuck are manacles?" Kevin asked) And they both had to look up what most things entailed. Some they both laughed at, like saran wrapping. While Edd was sure there were people who enjoyed that it was a pretty funny image.

“So what do we do if we have different answers on things?” 

Kevin shrugged. “I guess just talk about why we do or don’t want to so we can understand each other better.”

Edd kissed Kevin’s cheek. “You’re so thoughtful. Thank you for this.” 

“Of course.” Kevin smiled and pecked Edd’s lips. “Love you.” 

“Let’s get into this before I jump you again.” Edd said with mirth.

“God, how do you do that? I'm still recovering!”

Edd shouldered him lightly. “Let’s get to it.”

The first one Edd was curious about was ‘anal toys.’ Neither of them had any yet but it was tempting. The addition of ‘public under clothes’ beneath it marked with a curious scratched out and replaced with a ‘soft no.’

“Definitely not at school.” Edd said with a blush. “But maybe if it’s something we can… work up to.”

Kevin smirked. “I like that. Something to work up to. Means we get to figure each other out.”

Kevin had receiving anal as a ‘soft no.’ 

“I’m just not sure.” He said. I’ve tried fingering myself once… not a fan. But you like it a lot so… I dunno. Maybe at some point.”

“I’m in no rush. I rather enjoy how we’ve been going.”

The next few were marked no on both of their lists until blindfolds. Both marked curious in both giving and receiving, as well as being bitten. 

“But you were against biting me again.” Edd said questioningly.

“Just… that hard. I think I just don’t like the idea of making you bleed. It’s… I dunno. It just makes me feel bad.”

“I’m not much of a fan of blood either.” Edd agreed. 

All variations of bondage were marked ‘curious’ by Edd all the way down but Kevin had marked down ‘hard no’ under ‘bondage- rope.’

Edd nodded. They didn’t have to talk about that one. 

“I just don’t-“ Kevin started.

“No. I get it.” Edd said with a soft smile. “I’m not going to ask for something like that.”

Breathing control had a similar response.

Bruises Edd marked as ‘like.’ Not just curious. Kevin saw hand-prints already forming on his hip bones and he was glad he was going to enjoy them.

Candle wax and caning was ‘curious’ for Edd but Kevin had a ‘soft no’ for caning.

“I think I’d want to work up to that too.” Kevin said. “It definitely scares me to hit you with something, especially something like that.” 

There were a few things that they both agreed they weren’t interested in until collars.

Worn in private and in public were marked ‘like.’ Kevin chuckled and hooked a finger under the strap. “I think I should get you something nicer.”

Edd licked his lips. “Maybe leather.” He replied. 

Cross dressing was marked as curious- in private. And Kevin grinned. “A maid costume would look good on you.”

Edd, rather than blushing or looking away, smirked. “I rather think so too.” And Kevin was surprised at how confident he was in that statement. 

Edd shrugged. “Halloween one year as a dare.” 

“Do you still have it?” Kevin looked eager.

“No, it was borrowed.” He laughed. Kevin didn’t look put out. He was definitely planning to get one.

Cuffs were next and Edd had marked a resounding ‘like’ next to both metal and leather. Kevin marked ‘curious’ in both columns.

“I like that you want to try some submissive things.” Edd said. 

“I kinda wanna see what you’re like when you’re in control.”

Edd bit his lip and his eyes glazed over. The image wasn’t bad at all.

Down the list was mostly just disinterest until exhibitionism which Kevin marked with a question mark.

“Does that mean curious? Or you didn’t know what it was?” Edd asked. 

“I know what it is… now. I looked it up. But I don’t know how I feel about it. I like the thought of people seeing us in theory but also I hate the thought of anyone else getting to see you naked.”

Edd laughed. “We can revisit the idea down the road. I’m not currently interested but… we’ll see.” He shrugged. “There’s a lot to try. We can always fill these out again later.”

There were a few more they skipped before ‘following orders’- which Edd had marked a ‘like.’ And Kevin snorted an ‘obviously.’ Edd elbowed him because he had marked ‘like’ as well in giving _and_ receiving.

“Like you’re one to talk.”

Gags they both marked curious. 

Golden shower was practically cut out of the page how hard Edd had scribbled it out. A ‘the hardest no I can possibly say’ next to it. Kevin laughed and agreed.

Hair pulling was obvious and Edd laughed at Kevin’s ‘curious’ in receiving. 

“Your hair?” 

Kevin rubbed at his short buzzed hair. There wasn't even an inch at the top where it was its longest besides the slightly longer fringe at the front.

“I can grow the top out a bit. I only have it this short because of football.”

Having food and clothing chosen had no markings and Kevin pointed it out.

“Much like with you and exhibitionism I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it. Wearing clothes you’ve chosen because I like that you chose them is one thing, but complete control over my wardrobe is another. Same with food.”

“I mean, I’d like to go shopping with you and find you stuff that looks hot on you but I wouldn’t want to pick clothes like… every day or even in a sexual way.” Kevin said. “And I like cooking for you but also I don’t want to like- restrict food or make you eat anything you don’t like.”

“I think there might be days where… if I’m in a really bad place I might want you to take over for me. Make choices for me so I don’t have to think. But I don’t know if that’s putting too much on you.”

“I wouldn’t mind.” Kevin wound their fingers together. 

“You want to take me clothes shopping?” Edd asked.

“Well. It seems like most of your stuff is loose.” He shrugged. “I may not want anyone to see you naked but I do want to show off how sexy you are.”

Edd thought about how he’d looked in the mirror and thought about how when he’d put his clothes on he was less happy with his image.

“Mmm. I think I’d like that.” 

Ice cubes, immobilization, and lingerie were all marked curious. Neither thought there was much to say though. They all seemed pretty well talked through with other things or just vanilla enough to not need more confirmation. 

Nipple clamps and piercings were marked curious and Kevin blinked. 

“Piercing? You’d want to try that?” He seemed faint at the idea of needles.

“I mean… I would want a professional to pierce them… possibly. At some point.” He squeaked. “Maybe.”

He imagined Edd in nothing but a leather collar and studs through his nipples and it _was_ hot. “I definitely didn’t picture you the type but as long as I don’t have to hold or touch or _see_ a needle, it would definitely be sexy.”

Edd breathed a sigh of relief. “I didn’t think so either but since reading it I’m… curious. Very curious.”

“Would you get tattoos?” He asked.

“Maybe. I think I’d like to cover up some of my scars.”

“You could shave the side of your head and get something there. I bet it would look sexy as hell.” He said, moving his hair to look at the scar. “Piercings and tattoos would complete the dangerous sexy look.” He said referencing their conversation on the couch when he’d first been allowed to see his hair.

Edd laughed. “Yes. Might as well buy me a leather jacket while you choose my clothes.” He joked.

“You accessorize correctly and people will just think wearing a collar is a fashion statement.”

Edd elbowed him. “Like I could pull that off.”

“Oh, you totally could. Leather pants maybe, or some ripped up jeans.” He said. “Maybe some of those big goth boots.”

“I’d have to see what I look like in something like _that_ , but I'll admit I’ve been jealous of some more alternative looks I’ve seen. A change in hairstyle might be nice too. Maybe the scar won’t be so noticeable if I get the right cut.”

Next in the order was orgasm denial and orgasm control and Edd had marked curious for both. 

“I don’t think I could control your orgasm to save my life.” Kevin teased. 

Edd elbowed him. “Forced orgasm falls under this and you definitely did that.”

“I didn’t mean to.” He said. “You were the one who held on and asked me to keep going.”

“And the dry orgasm? You definitely pulled that one right out of me.” He smiled. Obviously enjoying being the one teasing.

When they made it to spanking Kevin had a ‘like’ down under giving and Edd grinned. 

“We haven’t even tried that yet.” Edd teased.

“I know I like your ass. And it’s my hand. Not, y’know, something that I can’t control as well.”

“You know. We don’t need to go buy anything for that.” He said leaning into Kevin’s space. “Nothing else on this list seems as interesting right now.” 

“Hmm.” Kevin said eyeing the rest of the list. Both had a similar mix of ‘hard’ and ‘soft’ no’s. He’d wanted to have today be soft but it was very tempting.

“I do want to talk about one other thing beforehand. A safeword.”

“And that is?” 

“Basically a different way to say no. Nazz said it was important but I don’t think I could go on if you say ‘no’ or ‘stop.’ But I guess it’s something people like. Colors are pretty common. Red means stop but at any point I can ask you your color and you can say green for good or yellow to pull back. Like a traffic light.”

“Hm.” Edd straddled Kevin. “When I’m really in it I probably wouldn’t be able to remember that. But… I can see the appeal.”

Kevin’s hands went to his waist. “We can try it out.” He suggested.

“How do you want to do it?”

Kevin licked his lips. “How about… over my knee?”

Edd moved to lay himself across Kevin’s lap. His legs dangled off the bed.

“Oh, wow.” Kevin said. “The view is… incredible.”

Kevin grabbed one of his cheeks and squeezed. Edd looked over his shoulder and started laughing at the stricken amazed face.

“You’ve been touching my butt for days. How are you still so enthralled?”

Kevin gave a quick small slap to the underside of the round mound. Edd yiped at the sudden contact and Kevin watched it bounce with fascination.

“It’s just amazing how thin you are and still have an ass this fine. Not to mention most guys I know have flat asses.” He rubbed the spot he tapped.

“I’m sure every girlfriend you’ve ever had had had a more impressive rear.”

“I dunno. Never got this undressed with them.”

“I’m sure you could tell- _Oh_!” Kevin slapped harder and bit his lip.

“Fuck yeah.” He said at the blooming red mark.

“That’s… do that again.” Edd gasped.

Kevin slapped again in the same spot and it stung even more on the second impact.

“Color?” Kevin asked.

“Green!” Edd said. “Harder?”

Kevin’s hand came down harder on the other cheek in two quick successions. He felt Edd’s erection stirring on his leg. 

He slapped once more, harder, before slipping a finger into him. Edd’s head thunked down onto the bed and he clawed at the mattress.

Kevin massaged the ring of muscle. It was still slightly slick and puffy from the earlier abuse. He squeezed lube into his hand and warmed it before pressing his digit back in.

“Mmm. Are you going to fill me up again?” Edd asked and Kevin, despite everything they’d done, wasn't expecting such a sultry question and turned red. 

“Fuck, I could listen to you talk dirty all day.”

Edd chuckled low and peeked at him. “I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of you inside me.”

“Yeah? How about you prove it.” Kevin said, pulling his fingers out.

“How would I go about that?” Edd asked and sat up.

Kevin patted his lap. “How about you ride me?”

Edd licked his lips. “Condoms?” He asked.

Kevin fished one out of the box. “How ‘bout you put it on me.” He had a cocky grin and leaned against the headboard.

Edd unwrapped it and struggled to get it on. “You might need to get a larger band size next time we go.” 

“I know I should measure to find out which one fits. I just grabbed a medium.”

“You’re rather thick.” Edd said. “Usually my jaw hurts after sucking you.”

“I didn’t know.” He said, petting Edd’s face. 

“It’s fine.” He chuckled at how much Kevin cared about every little ache and pain. “The hazards of fellattio.” 

He rolled it on completely and straddled his boyfriend. “Like this?”

“Lube.” Kevin reminded and uncapped it for him. Edd held out his hand and Kevin applied it. Edd slathered it onto Kevin’s stiffness then guided it to his entrance.

“Ready?” Edd asked.

“Yeah.” Kevin stroked his thigh. “Go slow, I’d rather you’re sweet ass doesn’t hurt too much tomorrow.”

“If I don’t will I get a spanking?” Edd teased while sinking slowly down.

“No, the punishment will be no spanking until I’m sure you’re all healed up.”

“That is a scary punishment.” He laughed. Kevin pinched his ass.

Edd squeaked and jumped. The motion jerking Kevin from out of his tight heat. 

“Try again.” Kevin laughed.

Edd pouted but tried again. The look of concentration on his face was adorable. 

He sunk down again and Kevin pinched him a second time but instead of jumping again Edd clamped down around him.

“Fuck!” Kevin yelped at the sudden vice grip.

“What was that?” Edd asked with a smirk, he swiveled his hips before sliding further down.

“Minx.” Kevin gasped, grabbing his hips to still him. Edd laughed and constricted around him again. 

“Fuck! You’re doing that on purpose.”

“Mmm. Maybe.” He dropped down the rest of the way and Kevin jerked up. 

“Careful!” He hissed. “If you get hurt I won’t be able to even finger you.”

Edd grinded against him. “I’m not in any pain. I promise.”

Kevin groaned and leaned his head onto Edd’s chest. “Ah- give me a moment.” He said. “I’m still a bit sensitive.”

Edd ran his hands over Kevin’s short hair. The fringe in the front wasn’t quite long enough to get a strong hold of but it was grippable. Edd grasped it as tight as he could and pulled his head up. 

Kevin gasped. “Shit.” 

“Bad?” Edd asked.

“Just surprising.” 

Kevin pulled him in for a kiss. Edd slid his arms around Kevin’s shoulders and tilted his head. 

“Okay-” Kevin said, “go ahead.” 

Edd used his legs to lift himself and dropped back down. Edd’s eyes slid shut and he sighed in pleasure. 

“I like this position.” Edd moaned. “It’s not as intense but it feels good to be this close.”

Kevin licked up and down Edd’s neck and Edd started up a slow up and down motion. 

“My thighs are getting sore.” Edd complained after a few slow but incredible minutes of lifting up and dropping down. 

Kevin grabbed him under his thighs. “Hold on.”

Edd tightened his grip and Kevin started bouncing him.

Edd moaned and moved along to the new pace. Kevin adjusted, releasing one leg to reach between them and jerked him in time, the other arm under Edd to keep up the rhythm. They were both sweating from the exertion and Kevin’s grip slipped, Edd came down harder then expected and he hugged Kevin to his chest and shouted hoarsely. 

“Yes!” 

His entrance clamped down around Kevin who in turn squeezed Edd’s dick creating a new loop of clamping and squeezing before Edd released and Kevin not long after. 

“You’re going to kill me.” Kevin panted. “Death by sex.” 

Edd laughed weakly, too drained to respond, sated and happy.

They cleaned up and righted the bed and it was already dark out. They laid together, Edd’s head resting on Kevin’s chest.

“I never knew how much fun sex could be. Everything made it look so tense and dire.”

“Like what?” Kevin asked, propping his head up to look at Edd.

“Movies and TV. I tried to watch porn once but I didn’t care much for it.”

“I started watching porn pretty early. I found a lot of stuff with people who had actual chemistry, it’s hard to find though so I can see being put off though.”

“Hmm. Maybe you can show me some. For research purposes, obviously.” Edd joked.

“Watching porn is definitely less interesting when you have someone next to you who is _much_ sexier.”

“Flatterer.” Edd chuckled. “You’re quite smitten with my looks and I don’t get it. You’re so handsome, I’m quite below average.”

“Are you kidding? You’re like hands down the hottest guy I’ve seen in person.”

“I definitely don’t agree.”

“That’s because you’re not your type. I am.”

“Fair enough.” Edd laughed. “Your type seems rather broad though. If memory serves your last three girlfriends were rather different from one another.”

“Well the last two asked me out and I agreed. They were cute enough.” He shrugged. “But their personalities were the problem.”

“Then how would you quantify your taste?”

“Well I’ve recently acquired a taste for dark hair.” Kevin said with a wolfish grin. 

“But not before?” 

“I didn’t have a preference before.”

“You seem to enjoy my posterior but said you didn’t notice your previous partners’ before either.”

“Well… yeah. I mean if the butt isn’t connected to someone I don’t click with it’s not gonna affect me.”

“It just seems odd to say I’m your type when your type seems to be so ambiguous.”

“Well my taste in men and women are pretty different from each other too. When I watch gay porn I gravitate towards pornstars that have a thin lanky build. With women a bit fuller. I don’t really know why.”

“Huh. I guess I don’t fully understand because I’m only attracted to men.”

“Well what about you? When you thought about sex before we got together who did you think of?”

“I didn’t have a person in particular. Just a vague set of attributes. Like…” Edd ran his fingers down Kevin’s well defined abdomen. “Well defined muscles.”

“There wasn’t a celebrity or anything?” Kevin asked incredulously.

“Well. I did have a crush on Alan Alda for awhile.”

“From MASH?” Kevin laughed. “Yeah, I can see that. Young Alan Alda was pretty hot.”

“It was more his personality in the show, but he was rather attractive as a young man. Does your sister also have an obsession with Loretta Smith?”

“Nah, my dad always put on reruns when he was home. I swear I’d catch the same three episodes on repeat but my dad would just start spouting off about whatever trivia he knew about the show. I used to think it was so annoying but now I think back and it was pretty cool.”

“You’ve talked about your mom and sister before. This is the first I’ve heard you talk about your dad.”

“Yeah, he was mostly gone for work when I was younger. After my sister got cancer he’s been trying to work his way back into the family but it’s kind of forced. He’s also where I got my short temper. He never hit anyone or anything but he’d shout his head off at stupid shit. My sister is much closer to him now but I’ve had a hard time finding common ground. He likes football but even then I’m not into, like, statistics or the leagues. I just like playing it. He’s also kinda try-hard macho and it’s pretty annoying.”

“So are you close to your mom?”

“Oh yeah. My mom is as much of a fan of football as my dad but she’s more into the stuff I am. Plays and tactics and stuff. She’s also a great cook. But she can be pretty annoying. She’s given me at least 4 different sex talks. Be prepared for that by the way. As soon as she knows we’re dating she’s going to be pelting you with questions.”

“She sounds lovely.” 

“Would it break the mood to ask about your parents?”

“Hmm. Well my mom was always very… particular. When my dad moved out she redesigned the house to be more her taste. The minimalist hell downstairs is her. She also tended to pick things up and get bored of them quickly. Sewing comes to mind. Same with the pedal steel guitar. She was dead set to learn it when I was young. Eventually she got tired of it and put me in lessons because she didn’t want having bought an expensive instrument to go to waste. She was very talented though. She didn’t quit because she couldn’t learn. She basically mastered it and moved on. Painting, sewing, knitting, music, you name it and she picked it up, became a master at it, and got bored. She was even a top chess player for a year or so.”

“You must get your brains from her.” Kevin said. Edd seemed to be pretty relaxed and Kevin was glad he didn’t shut down like before, either sex or therapy was the key. 

“Yes, but my diligence from my father. He’s been doing the same job for nearly 20 years. He gets transferred around but everyone needs contractors. When he was around he was always very nice and soft spoken. He’d bring home gifts and we’d get to go fun places. My mom was completely different when he was around. She seemed happier. I think she was lonely. He kept choosing work over her though so she kept trying to fill her time with hobbies and they didn’t really fill the void. Her moving in with her boyfriend makes sense. She’s just the kind of person that needs to be with someone I think.”

Kevin kissed Edd’s forehead. “I’m not gonna leave you like that.”

Edd rubbed his cheek against Kevin’s shoulder. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just used exactly how I'm like in therapy and projected hard lol. I just always wanna cry immediately.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. Got some new pets of the buggy variety. After thinking I'd lost one and then actually not, another had a difficult molt, so I've had a ton of anxiety lol

“Kevin wake up! It’s nearly 7:30.” Edd shook Kevin awake in a flurry. They lived close to school but only 30 minutes to get ready wasn’t enough time, he'd expected him to have woken up while he was getting ready, his own shower longer than normal to soothe the ache in his back and hips.

“Huh- what?” Kevin blinked open his bleary eyes.

“You managed to actually sleep through me getting off the bed and showering. Go brush your teeth and get dressed.” Edd said and kissed his cheek.

“Ugh. How did I sleep so late.” He squinted at the sunlight through the window.

“Well… I did wear you out.” 

“Wow, shit my legs are sore.” He winced when he sat up.

“I bet. If it’s anything like my lower back I’d wager today will be rough.”

“Your back hurts? Anything else?” He dragged Edd over to him by his hips and rubbed his lower back with his fingertips. 

“My thighs too.” Kevin’s hands skated down to his ass in a way that seemed to ask about how it was feeling. “Don’t worry- you prepared me very well and used plenty of lube. It was probably just holding strenuous positions for so long.”

“Hopefully it won’t be too painful sitting in class. Those chairs suck.” Kevin squeezed once before letting go and standing.

“It won’t be pleasant but… well it might be.” Edd had on a cheeky grin. 

Kevin snorted and swatted Edd’s ass. “I’ll be back. Meet you downstairs.”

Edd chuckled. “Be quick. We’ve only got-“ he looked at his clock, “20 minutes.” A panicked edge came to his voice and Kevin figured he better hop to it before he made his boyfriend late. He was certain he wouldn’t be having sex again any time soon if he did.

“Shit. Okay.” He dropped a quick kiss on Edd’s cheek, his stubble scratchy. 

Edd touched his cheek and his heart fluttered. He didn’t think he’d ever stop falling in love with Kevin’s casual sweet gestures.

Kevin rushed and sped downstairs. “Bike?” He asked. 

Kevin hadn’t shaved in the rush and Edd blinked. His facial hair wasn’t thick or anything but Edd had to admit he was enamored with the slightly darker stubble. Morning kissing always felt special because of it and the idea he could feel the rough texture all day was distracting and all too appealing.

“Sure.” Edd said. Kevin was in too much of a rush to notice the awestruck face Edd was wearing.

* * *

Edd had ran to his class after getting his bag from his locker and luckily he’d not forgotten his inhaler today. 

Tray and Mic laughed at seeing him burst through the door less than a minute before the final bell. Huffing and bent over.

He might have had more time but Edd hadn’t been able to resist grabbing Kevin’s face and kissing him thoroughly before the first bell brought him back to his senses. He had just opened his locker when Kevin kissed his cheek and told him he was going to go to his class and Edd practically pulled him down. He wasn’t into beards per se but the dusting of bristly facial hair was driving him insane. 

Mic elbowed him and motioned to his chin. 

“You’re all red.” 

Edd took out his compact mirror from his bag and was met with the image of stubble burn on his own smooth face. The teacher cleared his throat and Edd put his mirror away. He’d need to moisturize later and it did kind of itch but he couldn’t help but imagine if he’d gotten it... elsewhere. 

He was lucky he’d studied ahead of time because he absolutely wasn’t able to pay attention the rest of class.

By the time lunch rolled around Edd was unimaginably turned on. Between the still stinging bite, the pain in his lower back, and the light stubble burn he couldn’t keep his mind off of sex and had been caught out not paying attention a handful of times. The teachers would have been worried but the obvious happy look he wore was so new and refreshing. Instead they were pleasantly teasing. It might have been worse actually because the comments made everyone acutely aware of him. 

“What’s up with your face?” Marta asked. “You’re all red.”

Edd patted his cheek, surprised it was still irritated. Kevin returned from the cafeteria line and came up behind him and pecked Edd’s cheek and without thinking Edd leaned into it, happy to be making contact with the object of all his fantasies for the last few hours.

“Ha!” She said. “Stubble burn. Too busy this morning?” Marta teased.

“D was almost late this morning.” Mic added with a cocky grin. 

“Woh-oh-oh.” Marta added. “Very busy morning!”

Edd rolled his eyes. “We just woke up late.” 

“So busy night?” Nazz responded. 

Edd pinkened but it was _Kevin’s_ red cheeks that gave them away. Mic and Tray whooped at the obvious look on his face before Kevin buried it in Edd’s shoulder, who could only chuckle at Kevin’s sudden shyness. The redhead nearly dropped the tray in embarrassment but Edd was able to right it before anything could fall off and kissed his temple.

Nazz grinned knowing they’d put those condoms, and likely list, to good use.

When they made their way to what had become their spot Kevin sat in his usual place and was surprised when Edd crawled into his lap. He wasn’t expecting it after they’d agreed it tested their resolve too much but who was Kevin to look a gift horse in the mouth so he ate his food with one hand around his boyfriend’s waist.

Kevin talked football with his friends and Edd laughed with Marta but any lulls in conversation he’d lean in and peck Kevin’s cheek. 

The first time the redhead lost his train of thought and before he could return the gesture Edd was back talking with one of the girls or Tray. By the third or fourth time he continued to speak but would give Edd a light squeeze.

Kevin wasn’t sure what exactly had gotten into Edd, besides himself of course, but he liked the sweet attention. Edd on the other hand was struggling not to just drag Kevin somewhere and get stubble burn all over his body. Every touch from his bristly face spurring on Edd’s already overactive hormones.

Frank and Mic eventually decided to split to get a soda from the vending machines in the cafeteria and Marta and Nazz were arguing over something ridiculous. Kevin leaned in to kiss the back of Edd’s neck when they weren’t in any conversation but instead of smooth skin his lips met something hard and it took a moment to realize it was a _buckle._ His straight A, perfect student boyfriend was wearing the collar, at _school._ Kevin’s mouth went dry. This minx was going to kill him. 

Edd froze as Kevin’s arms stiffened around him and he took a bashful glance backwards. When they locked eyes Kevin could tell exactly what Edd was thinking.

If Tray hadn’t asked Edd about how his therapy appointment had gone Kevin would have dragged Edd off to be ravished.

“Quite well. I’ll be seeing her again next week.” Edd said. He might have been turned on and flustered at being caught out with the collar but he wasn’t _rude._

Marta looked over at that. “Oh shit, you’re fucked up too?” She asked, sounding oddly excited.

Nazz slapped her arm. “Rude!” She hissed.

Marta ignored her. “What’re you in for? You seem like the anxiety type to me.”

Edd gave a half shrug. Edd may have appreciated her open, kind of off colored demeanor but this wasn’t exactly a ‘in front of others’ conversation.

“Something like that.” Was all he answered.

Marta took that as good enough or maybe she got the hint, either way she dropped it and turned away to continue her argument.

“I don’t care what you say, uncrustables are _not_ ravioli.” She said to Nazz who had obviously only brought it up earlier to make the other girl mad. They fell back into conversation leaving the boys to their thoughts.

Soon the sun had come out from behind a cloud and the heat was starting to get unbearable. 

The last of the group decided to leave and Kevin and Edd agreed it was getting too warm to stay. 

In the stairwell Edd saw his chance and took it. He grabbed Kevin’s wrist and motioned to hang back. When the door shut Edd grabbed his boyfriends face and attacked his mouth with his own. He ran his fingers across his cheeks and sighed in bliss.

Kevin was more than happy to return the kisses. Edd’s hands all over his face had given him a clue to what was making him so handsy today and he almost wanted to tease his boyfriend about it. Almost. He’d much rather continue making out though.

Kevin chuckled low in his throat and nuzzled his face into the crook of his boyfriend’s neck nipping lightly, his stubble scratching at Edd’s sensitive skin and backed him into the wall.

“Yes.” Edd wrapped his arms around Kevin and whimpered. 

Kevin grinned at how quickly he could turn his once uptight boyfriend into a puddle of arousal and ran his hands up Edd’s shirt. Testing.

Edd’s knee came to grind up into Kevin’s growing hardness and Kevin groaned and rutted down into it. So it seemed _canoodling_ at school wasn’t as off the table as Edd had made it seem.

They both rocked together and Kevin peeled down the high neck of Edd’s shirt so he could see him in his collar.

“Fuck pet. So good.” He let go to swallow down the small whimpers Edd was making.

Edd’s legs started shaking and they both were so close. So close they didn’t hear the door to the stairwell open. They _did_ however hear the teacher that walked in yell.

“What are you two doing?” The shrill voice of Kevin’s English teacher shouted. Edd yelped in surprise and Kevin jumped away, nearly falling. Edd managed to grab his arm and while he almost toppled over himself they only just managed to stay upright. 

They looked at Ms. Enburgh with sheepish faces. Edd was bright red and his shirt was rucked up, it was too obvious what they’d just been up to. Out of all the teachers Kevin was most embarrassed to be caught out by her. She seemed to think the football team had it too easy and tried to find any reason to get him in trouble, deciding he was her errand boy since the start of the year.

“Well?” She asked.

“Uh.” Edd said and looked away. “S-sorry ma’am.”

“Yeah, Uh, sorry.” Kevin added.

“I’d expect something like this from Kevin, but Eddward- I thought you were better than that.” She put her hands on her hips.

Kevin rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed at his teachers words and Edd’s temper flared.

“Excuse me, ma’am? Expected this from _him?_ I’ll have you know I started this. That’s quite a rude thing to say about one of your students.”

“D, it’s okay.” Kevin said, shocked at Edd’s sudden surge of protectiveness.

“It’s not.” He said to Kevin, then turned back to the teacher. “Us being unruly doesn’t give you the right to say something so dismissive to someone under your tutelage.” He said, wagging his finger in her face.

Ms. Enburgh blinked in surprise at the tables being turned. The usually quiet honor roll student standing with his hands on his hips and anger on his face was weird enough to completely throw her off.

“I… apologize?” She started before realizing she was supposed to be the one repremanding them. “Wait- You two are in trouble! To the office!”

“Very well.” Edd said and grabbed Kevin’s hand to pull him along. The teacher followed to ensure they went where they were meant to, she shook her head at the odd and brazen behavior.

“That was… really hot.” Kevin grinned, whispering.

Edd glared but it was light. “We’re already in trouble. Don’t make it worse.” He hissed.

Kevin leaned over to kiss his cheek, Ms. Enburgh snapped her fingers at them but didn’t separate them.

“Thank you for that. You didn’t have to.”

“I did, though.” Edd squeezed Kevin’s hand.

Kevin smiled all the way down to the office.

“I caught these two with their hands up each other’s shirts.” The teacher said to the office woman in the dean's. Both of them were relieved she hadn't suspected, or noticed, more.

“All right, take a seat.” The woman said to the pair, barely looking up. “We’ll take it from here.” She said, waving the teacher off.

The bell rang and Edd frowned. “Do we really need to be here for this? I'd rather not miss class.”

“I’ll give you a pass.” The worker said as she flipped through files. “Names?”

“Eddward Vincent.” Edd sighed in annoyance.

“Barr.” Kevin simply replied. 

The woman pulled out their files and brought them to the dean who called them in a second later.

“Eddward and Kevin.” The man said with surprise in his voice. “I never would have thought I’d see you two here together. What have you done to get sent here? I hope no fighting.” He said seriously. An older gentleman with a white mustache and a round belly, he was about as nice as a dean could be. It didn’t make it any less daunting to admit what they had been up to though.

“Quite the opposite, sir.” Edd replied with a sheepish cough. Kevin knew Edd would be better at talking to the teachers and decided he'd not ruin anything by saying something out of turn. If anyone could talk their way out of this, it was Edd.

The dean folded his hands and raised an eyebrow at them. “Oh?”

“Ms. Enburgh caught us kissing.”

“I don’t think simple kissing would have landed you here.” The dean said with an amused smile.

“Yes, well. Making out might be a more apt description.” Edd responded with a blush.

“You’ve been awfully quiet, Kevin.” The older man said, directing his attention to the football player.

Kevin shrugged. “I mean, what is there to say?”

“Ms. Miller?” The dean called.

“Yes?” The aide peeked her head through the door.

“What did Ms. Enburgh say they did to get sent here?”

“Caught with their hands up each other’s shirts.” She quoted.

Edd went red. He wasn’t _lying_ but being caught out _under-representing_ what happened did embarrass him.

“Well, I understand teenage hormones are hard to control, I will have to call your parents. If it was just _making out_ I would have let it slide but that kind of inappropriate touching isn’t allowed here.” He scolded lightly.

“I understand.” Edd demurred, still pink in the face.

Kevin just nodded. 

“I’ll start with you, Eddward.” The man said. 

Edd wondered how many calls he’d make before he gave up.

He called the number listed but it was sent directly to voicemail. He tried again but the same thing happened. He read the file and frowned.

“Do you have another number for your mother?”

“No sir. She’s probably busy.”

He read the file again. “I see your father is out of the country. I assume he can’t be reached. I guess I’ll just have to leave a voicemail.”

He called again and again it went to voicemail.

“Hello, this is Mr. Marks from Eddward’s school. I’m calling to inform you that your son was caught doing indecent acts with another student. He and the other student were making out and had their hands up one another’s shirts. As this is a first offense for him I see no reason for further punishment, however we thought it best to inform you and the other students' parents. If you have any other questions you can call me back. Thank you.”

Edd wanted to laugh. As much as he hated getting in trouble that was a message he’d like to see his mom get, if she cared to listen past the opening line that is. 

Kevin saw the amused smile on Edd’s face and smiled back. He was a bit miffed being interrupted but he expected Edd to be more upset at getting in trouble. Seeing him holding back a chuckle made him relax a bit. They were only getting what amounted to a slap on the wrist and he had to be thankful for Edd’s reputation among the teachers. 

“Well, your turn Kevin.” Mr. Marks said after hanging up.

“Good luck.” Kevin smirked and the dean sighed. 

Mrs. Barr was well known for being a pain to talk to. Actually Kevin wondered if their light punishment was because of his mom's reputation for always taking her son’s side, even when he was in the wrong.

The dean dialed and held his breath. He hoped he’d be put through to voicemail again, but no such luck.

“Cathrine speaking.” Mrs. Barr answered.

“Yes, hello Mrs. Barr. This is your son's dean.”

“Here we go.” She snapped immediately and Mr. Marks frowned.

“I just called to tell you your son got caught with his hand up another student's shirt.”

“And?” She asked in a sharp tone.

“This is a first time offense so no action will be taken but we had to inform you.”

“It’s not like he was caught having sex on school grounds. This really wasn’t worth calling me over.”

Kevin and Edd tried not to look at Mr. Marks. Maybe they weren’t having sex per se but they _were_ very close to getting off and they didn't want it to show in their faces.

“Yes, well. School policy.” The man said but she had already hung up on him. 

“Pleasant as ever.” He said to Kevin. Edd was holding back on his laughter. He wasn’t nervous to meet her before but now he was equal parts excited and scared.

“Well. I guess you’re free to go back to class. Just…. don’t do it again. For my sake.” He said with a pleading look. 

They both went to collect their bags but Mr. Marks called out to Edd.

“Could I talk to you alone for a second Mr. Vincent?” He asked.

Kevin paused but when he was obviously being dismissed he squeezed Edd’s hand for a second but refrained from going for a kiss after having just been caught out.

“I’ll see you after class.” Edd smiled.

“I was wondering how you’ve been? This is the first time you’ve been in here since freshman year.” Mr. Marks said when the door closed behind Kevin.

“I’m… better. Good.” Edd responded. “Thank you for your concern.”

“I’m just worried because we couldn’t get a hold of your mom back then either.”

“Yes. She’s a busy woman.” Was all he could think to say.

“Well, please know you can talk to me or the counselor if you ever need.”

“Thank you sir. I’m seeing a therapist so it won’t be necessary, but I appreciate the concern.”

“Of course. As odd a pair as you make I’m glad you’re happy.” The dean said with a smile. 

Edd looked away and left the room with an awkward nod.

He accepted the pass to his next class, nearly 20 minutes late.

* * *

Strangely, at the lockers Marta was there instead of Nazz.

“What brings you here?” Edd asked as he put in his combination code.

“Just wanted to follow up after lunch. I realized it was probably not ‘lunch talk’ and maybe not text talk either.”

“Oh so there _is_ text etiquette now?” He smiled, hoping to change the subject.

“I just figured… well I get it you know. Don’t know what you’re dealing with but like, I’m here.”

Edd gave her a smile. “Thank you. It means a lot to me. I… had a lot of problems but I’m working on them. Kevin helped me a lot and your and Tray’s friendship has been very important to me.”

“Do you mind me asking about it?”

Edd shuffled his stuff around in his locker. “My parents left me alone… I already had OCD and everything got worse when they moved out. When Ed was forced to leave and Eddy decided I wasn’t worth his friendship I didn’t know what to do. I just… gave up.”

Marta looked thoughtful and nodded. “I have to ask- you’re always wearing long sleeves and you seemed nervous to change your shirt that time. Do you-?” She made a quick motion over her wrist.

Edd closed his locker and stared at the metal, smudged and dirtier than he’d like, but cleaner than any other locker in the school. “I… did. Back in freshman year. I haven’t since but it scarred over. I don’t really want to advertise anything.”

“I’m bi-polar.” She said after a beat. “My aunt has chronic back pain and I used to swipe her pain meds when I was manic. Eventually I was caught. That’s when we moved to Peach Creek. My parents tried to ignore the problem. They didn’t want to admit anything was wrong. Tray was the only one that seemed to know there was an issue. When he got me to go to therapy it was without my parents knowing about it. Now that I’m taking medication and doing better they realize how shitty they were being about it.”

There was a pause as Edd regarded his friend. She seemed tight lipped and nervous, but she made eye contact. “I’m glad mediation has worked for you and that you’re better.” Edd said finally.

“Tit for tat. Now we know each other’s secret.”

His eyes widened a fraction, he didn’t originally understand why she would say that out of the blue. Making herself vulnerable for his comfort though wasn’t something he expected from her. He felt something strong in his stomach, this kind of friendship felt foreign and warm.

“Thank you… as bad as it might sound that does make me feel better. Less alone.”

“Life’s easier when you know everyone is going through their own shit.”

“I suppose it does.” Edd said thoughtfully. He hadn’t realized how many other people had their own problems behind closed doors.

Kevin draped his arms over Edd when he finally got there. Ms. Enburgh had been extra hard on him and he had to help bring papers to the office and make copies. It was annoying and he was happy to finally be out of there and holding his boyfriend. “Hey gorgeous.” 

“Oh, hello.” Edd leaned back and kissed his strong jaw, still obsessed with the tickle of stubble. Even being caught couldn’t completely put out the fire.

“So… my mom wants to meet you after earlier.”

“Ohhh. Meeting the parents. Big step.” Marta smirked.

Edd blushed and buried his face in his hands. “Oh what a terrible first impression.”

“I don’t think she cares. Actually she thought it was pretty funny, if her texts were anything to go by.”

“Wait, what happened?” Marta raised an eyebrow. 

Kevin and Edd both looked in different directions, guilty.

Marta snirks. “I’m guessing something dirty.”

“We were just caught kissing and…there might have been a little bit of groping.”

“A lot a bit of groping.” Kevin leered.

“That’s hilarious.” She said not laughing, instead with a bawdy grin. She shook her head and started walking away. “Well have fun explaining that away. See ya tomorrow.” she walked away shaking her head and chuckling.

Edd bit his lip. “Your mom is really okay with it?” He asked.

“Of course. I mean I don’t think she knows I’m bi but my sister is and my parents didn’t really care when she came out.”

Edd looked thoughtful. “And you’re okay coming out like this?”

“I never came out because I never felt the need to. Now I have a good reason.” Kevin stated while leading Edd out to the bike, giving him a soft look. “Anyway she won’t be home for another hour or two. I suggest we finish what we started earlier.” His hand trailed from his waist, down.

“Really now! Before meeting your mother?” He slapped his boyfriend’s arm lightly.

“You know… Get it out of our systems.” He grinned and hopped on the bike.

Edd wrapped his arms around Kevin's back and nuzzled his nose against the back of his boyfriend’s neck and remembered how much he wanted that scratchy facial hair to scrape against far more sensitive skin than his face. 

“Hm. I guess my mind has been… clouded… all day. I don’t want to face your mother while so hormonally charged…”

Kevin smiled, glad he wasn’t the only one so affected. “Then it’s decided.

* * *

They got back to Edd’s house and as calm as they tried appear it was obvious they were rushing. As soon as the door was shut Edd was picked up and laid out on the couch, the door was now a no-go. Neither wanted to relive that embarrassing encounter. Kevin had pulled off his shirt to see that damned collar.

“God that’s so hot. I can’t believe you wore that all day.” Kevin leaned down to suck a pink nipple into his mouth. Edd gasped and put his hands around Kevin’s neck.

Edd ran his fingers over the short hairs at the back of Kevin’s head. Kevin kissed his way up to Edd’s ear.

“Kevin… I want…” he moaned when Kevin bit just under his ear, hard.

“Yeah baby?”

“I want… your stubble on my thighs.” 

Kevin smirked. “Are you asking me to suck you off?” He'd never asked for that in so many words. Usually preferring to be rimmed or fingered. He was definitely a bottom.

“I… yes. Please.” Edd cupped Kevin’s face in his hands. “After I want to return the favor. I want to take you to the back of my throat.”

Kevin dropped his head to Edd’s shoulder and grinded himself down. “Fuck. Yeah.”

He dragged his tongue down Edd’s chest and stomach and unbuttoned his pants. When he only pulled him out of his pants Edd whined and Kevin chuckled and shuffled his pants off. He rubbed his cheek against the supple thigh under him.

Edd let out a fluttery breath at the brush. “Oh. That’s wonderful.”

Kevin watched the pretty face above him with pure lust. Edd’s eyelids dropped and his lips parted. His cheeks were flushed and his little moans were too sexy.

He hadn’t even had a chance to put him in his mouth and he was already like this. 

Kevin licked up his shaft. Edd’s dick wasn’t as big as his own but it was perfect. It was a pretty pink at the head, slightly curved and the dark hair surrounding it was trimmed. Kevin sucked the head into his mouth and put his hands under his knees to pull his legs to his ears. Every movement and bob of his head and the scrape of the stiff bristles had Edd squeezing his thighs tighter. Kevin could barely move his head and he wouldn’t have ever thought about it but he was very into being crushed between his long lean legs like this. He snaked his fingers down and rubbed at the tight ring of muscle.

Edd trembled and moaned. “Yes! Oh! Kevin!”

Kevin chuckled around him leading to another loud moan. He pressed the finger in slowly. It wasn’t difficult but he was tight around his finger and he couldn’t _not_ remember what it was like to have his dick buried there. He moaned low in his throat and Edd’s chest heaved.

“I’m close.” Edd gasped, his nails digging into the couch cushions.

Kevin crooked his finger into his prostate and sucked hard, tossing Edd over the edge. Edd’s legs shook as he released into Kevin’s mouth from the double attack. Kevin immediately swallowed. He pulled his finger out and Edd twitched, cum beaded at his head and Kevin lapped up the last bit before sitting up.

“Gorgeous.” Kevin said, looking at Edd’s placid body language. The soft skin of his inner thighs was an irritated red that looked just beautiful on him.

Edd reached up and tugged at Kevin’s shirt.

“Take it off for me.”

Kevin didn’t need to be asked twice and kicked off all his clothes. Edd sat up and looked up to lock blue eyes with the hazel.

“Fuck my throat?” Edd asked and opened his mouth as an invitation. Kevin gulped at the face he was making. Flushed and calm but eager to please.

“Shit, that’s hot.” He groaned and held Edd’s head and guided his dick to the waiting parted lips.

Edd’s mouth sealed around him and without thinking Kevin’s hips surged forward. He hit the back of Edd’s throat and the nerd's eyes watered but he refused to gag. He breathed away the tight feeling through his nose.

“Beautiful pet. You’re so perfect.” Kevin had pulled off Edd's beanie at some point and buried his hands in the glossy dark hair. It was as soft as it always was and Kevin raked his nails over Edd’s scalp. 

Edd closed his eyes in pure pleasure. The words, the feeling of his throat tightening up around the thick intrusion and the collar that felt tighter than normal every time he took his dick just that bit further. It was all perfect.

When it seemed Edd was no longer near choking Kevin pulled back and started thrusting slowly and Edd moved along to the rhythm he set. 

Kevin started slow but eventually picked up pace and soon enough he was fucking his throat harder and harder before he remembered that they’d need to talk to his parents and Edd’s throat would definitely be raw. The thought would have been hot in any other situation but in this case, not so much.

He slowed down and Edd whined.

“Gotta- fuck… you’re gonna have to talk later.” Kevin tried to warn but Edd didn’t seem to care as he sunk back down. 

Kevin pulled on his hair and came. Mildly disappointed it wasn’t over his face.

Edd licked his lips and sat back on his feet. “I need-“ he started in a raspy voice that sent a thrill up Kevin’s spine, his throat was too raw to continue though and he tried to clear it.

“Water?” Kevin asked. Edd nodded.

Kevin quickly went to the kitchen to grab a bottle and opened it for him. Edd shook his legs out as he stood.

“I think my legs are asleep.” He said, low with a small smile. Kevin let him drink, pulling his clothes back on and sitting. When Edd finished he pulled him into his lap sideways.

He didn’t really know why but Kevin suddenly felt sentimental. His boyfriend was happy and smiling, even while shaking off pins and needles. Kevin knew that recovery wasn’t linear and that there’d be rough patches but he was just so overcome by how good everything was _now_.

Edd looked at the odd expression Kevin was wearing with confusion. “You okay?” He asked, brushing back his fringe.

“Yeah, I’m just… it kinda hit me all at once that you’re meeting my parents. I’m just feeling… emotional?”

Edd waited for Kevin to continue, the way he had for him. He linked their fingers together and kept his eyes on his handsome face.

“I thought I never cared much about coming out but now that I’m about to do it I’m… really excited for it? It’s like a relief?”

“Cathartic?” Edd supplied.

“Yeah… cathartic. I’m getting to share a part of me and it’s weird, but good. I’m not afraid but I might be a little nervous. I’m not really sure why though.”

Edd used his free hand to stroke Kevin’s cheek. “You’re allowed to be nervous.” Edd said. 

Kevin brought their conjoined hands up to kiss the back of Edd’s hand.

“Your voice is rough.”

“I wasn’t even thinking about it. How noticeable do you think it is?”

“Very. Do you think a cough drop would help?” 

“Maybe.” He hummed. “Do you… think they’ll like me?” He asked in a small voice.

“I think they’ll love you.” 

Edd fiddled with the strap around his neck. “I’m guessing wearing this will be… hard to explain if they saw it?”

“Yeah, probably.” 

Edd looked conflicted. 

“Here.” Kevin said, unhooking it from his neck. Edd let him but didn’t look happy about it. He pulled up their hands, still held and wrapped the collar around his wrist. It needed to be folded over twice and was still loose on his bird-like wrists but it stayed on.

“There.”

Edd stared at the grey material. “Oh.” He said with a pleased expression. It looked normal enough, even if his shirt sleeve rolled up.

“I need to bring something to dinner to make a good impression.” Edd said resolutely after a few more minutes of cuddling together. “Do your parents like wine?” 

“Uh, I think so but you really don’t need to bring anything. Do you even have wine here?” 

“My mom went through a tasting phase so we have a wine cabinet.”

“If you want. But I don’t think you need to.” 

“I’m going to.” Edd said, firm in his decision. “After a call like that I don’t want to come across any worse. Does she like white or red?” He asked.

“I don’t know. I think I’ve seen both in the house before.”

“Do you know what your mother is making for dinner?”

“She said she’s making salmon.”

“White it is then.” Edd went to a cabinet in the kitchen and opened it up. There were several rows of different wines. He looked through some options, not knowing much about the wines but purposely choosing something that seemed expensive, just to spite his own mother. He eventually just chose the oldest vintage white, hoping it would do.

He showered, changed, changed again, and paced for the next hour until it was finally time to go. Kevin kept trying to lure him into more cuddling but Edd wouldn't allow it.

“Are you ready?” Kevin asked. He’d shaven his face in the interim. As much as Edd liked it Kevin knew his mom would call it scruffy. Edd was torn, on one hand he didn’t want him to get rid of something so amazing but on the other it was a relief that he wouldn’t have a distraction at the table.

“Maybe the other outfit was better-“

“Nope. We’re going.” Kevin said and led him across the street by the elbow. Edd didn’t want to be nervous. He wasn’t before but now… oh boy.

 _Now or never,_ he told himself.

**Author's Note:**

> https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org  
> https://afsp.org/suicide-prevention-resources  
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines


End file.
